Divorce Support Forums: Is he an abuser or just a jerk?

Sorry, just browsing around, I know this thread has been dead for a couple of months now. I've just skimmed the responses so forgive me if I repeat old @#$!. A couple of similarities (from the other side) struck me. We moved a lot to facilitate my wife's legal career, my wife has a "small" drinking problem, my wife had reached a point where she gave up on our marriage. While there are a lot of differences one thing I can relate to is that transition from support/supported role, to equal footing (I'm only talking career here). Not only does (did) he probably not have the slightest clue you're unhappy, he probably believes he's a Rock Star of a husband. Telling him he's not is only going to make him defensive and angry and resolved in the belief that you are being "ungreatful" for all his support. Regardless of whether you divorce or reconcile, this dynamic will make things harder for everyone.

In my case, I had always believed that the issue would be mine, I would need to be careful not to get competative with her careerwise. I have since learned that the issue is mutual, she also needs to realize that while maybe some of the tangible needs from me are no longer required, the road here was traveled by two people making sacrifices.

Try to find a common ground of respect. You don't strike me as the passive waif type, so I can only assume that at one time there was a mutual respect there if you ended up married. Based on your original post, it seems to be gone from both of you.

Good luck, regardless of what happens, my gut tells me your feelings are completely valid, but there is another side to it with another valid perspective.