My husband has a 9 yr old son from his 1st wife that we have 50% of the time and rotating holidays.This x-mas is our yr to have his son. The problem is my husband wants to spend x-mas with his family because we have his son this yr. His family lives local and we get to see them weekly. My family lives out of state and only get to see them 2-3 times a yr. My husband told me when he has his son he wants to spend the holidays with his family not mine. on the yrs he does not have his son we can spend with my family. I guess i'm just hurt he would not want to spend x-mas with my family when he has his son(who my family loves). Please tell me am i over reacting? Is his "deal" fair?
Even thought your family may adore your stepson, they are not his family. (That's not to say he doesn't care for them, or wouldn't enjoy spendign time with them). However, Christmas is a time for children to be with their family. His extended family surely has traditions since he was born. Divorce is disenfranchising enough. As an adult, your needs come second to your step child's. Your family's traditions second to his. I actually think it's pretty generous for your husband to offer to schlep to see your family every year he does not have his son. Count your blessings on that one, and pick larger battles.
There are no right or wrong answers here. There is no such thing as objective fairness. By assuming these things exist, you are overreacting. You should be trying to understand his point of view and helping him to understand yours. This requires dropping judgment and truly listening.
I actually agree with all the comments. Your step son needs to spend christmas with his family. It is a happy time and he should feel comfortable. I assume he feels more comfortable w/ his family. His aunts and uncles and his cousins.
Sorry went through this and realized my step felt more comfortable with my husbands family. realized that was what was best. We were lucky that we could do his family w/ step every yr on the 24th worked out for my family as well bc my siblings spend the 24 w/ their in-laws and then we go to ours on the 25th and step goes home to other family.
Maybe nxt time you can go to yours for Thanksgiving on the yrs you have step on christmas?
Can you have Christmas at your house and invite everyone?
Maybe not pheasible but just a suggestion...I had Thanksgiving this year at my home because conveniently all my family from MI was visiting so we invited both my husband side and my side over. Now mind you, we had like 30 people in our house and it rained...but overall it was GREAT! If that's not pheasible then what your husband is suggesting would be the best way to go...unless you chose to do different things rather than be with each other.
-------------------- **2 1/2 weeks to go...should start counting down the days**
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
