spanky44512
New
Reged: 12/06/07
Posts: 5
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Ok...here's my story, and I really need a bit of help with this. My mind is spinning. My wife and I have been married 8 1/2 years. I was in the service when we got married and that supported us for 7 years. My wife and I had an agreement that after she graduated from college, I'd get out of the service and we'd move back to Ohio so we could build a family and I could get my degree. It also meant that she would be the main breadwinner while I got my degree. After I separated and we moved, I dealt with alot of separation anxiety and depression especially as I struggled to even get a part time job in Ohio. Which made it to where I was so depressed I did very little around the apartment. ( I admit that I was never much for housework to begin with, which is a flaw). About a month ago she came home from a business trip and we had an argument after which she was not the same person afterwards. Three weeks later, she left me. Now she is dead set on a divorce, as fast as possible. She told me she's been considering divorce for a year and had stopped being in love with me since sometime in the summer, and that she never had an identity with me and that she wants out. There's more to it, but thats the basic. I don't want a divorce, and she's ticked now that I won't agree to the dissolution (incompatibility). I made a committment to her and I'm very willing to work on the marriage. I know she doesn't have grounds for divorce on me. I wasn't the perfect husband, but she doesn't have grounds. I made the typical dumb male mistakes, like missing the signs there were trouble, not doing the dishes, and crap like that. So what are my options? Right now my wife wants out so bad thats she willing to claim fault on herself....can she do that??? I just don't want a divorce. I don't believe in it. I believe in facing your issues, so what are my options here?
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free again
Bronze
Reged: 07/01/07
Posts: 25
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I feel your pain. I loved my husband and still do. I spent two years crying, begging, getting mad every thing you can feel and he never came home. It was like he never loved me. we were married 27 years. have two grown children and a grandson. I was devastated. we had made plans for our retirement. It seemed to me he walked away and never looked back. But I know now that he had left me a long time ago in his mind. I found out a few months ago that the women he is with now is 10 older then me that's right older. I never understood it. maybe I never will. But you cant make someone want to be with you. believe me if you could I would have. I have to believe I will be in a better place now. I will find someone better to me. being alone is better then being with someone that doesn't love you. But believe me I know it is the hardest thing you will do. I live in Columbus also if you would like to talk more let me know. It helped me to talk to someone that knew what I was going though. good luck
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spanky44512
New
Reged: 12/06/07
Posts: 5
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Truthfully at this point I still believe in my heart she loves me. There is too much stuff that we shared for me to think otherwise. However, I think there is alot of stuff in the way with her at the moment and until she can learn to forgive, she's done. Its weird, I'm the one thats been getting treated horribly by her for the past few months, but I'm the one forgiving. I did the smaller annoying things in life, and she can't forgive. Go figure. Anyways, I've decided just to sit back and let her go. Just to give her space. She doesn't have grounds for divorce so if she waits for a year to get her dissolution so be it. However if at any point I come to truly believe this isn't salvageable, I'll sign. I just think right now if I sign any paperwork I'd be lying.
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free again
Bronze
Reged: 07/01/07
Posts: 25
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I hope setting back and waiting works for you. But I hate to tell you she doesn't need grounds. Ohio is a no fault state. Just wanting out is good enough. My X wanted out after 27 years because he wanted to date around. He got his divorce. It cost him but he's dating around. Mcdonalds is the only place he can take them because I have his money. But he gets to date around
Edited by free again (12/13/07 07:41 PM)
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spanky44512
New
Reged: 12/06/07
Posts: 5
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Well, thats the thing...by reading the law, she can get out after a year unless I sign for incompatibility. So what was your experience with that? Is that the route you took?
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free again
Bronze
Reged: 07/01/07
Posts: 25
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I waited for a while. but I got to the point that I thought why am I trying to make someone stay with me that doesn't want to be with me. I got tired of being rejected. I am better then that. believe me I love my x I will love him until I die. He is the father of my two children but I had to learn to love myself more. It was the hardest thing I ever did was let go. I look back at some of the things I did to try to keep him and I think what was I doing. I must have been out of my mind.
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spanky44512
New
Reged: 12/06/07
Posts: 5
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Well actually, thats what I was doing at first. I was trying all kinds of things to get her to change her mind, and then finally about a week ago, I just let her go. I told her that at this point the only thing i could do to show her I loved her was to let her go. It doesn't mean I'm making this easy for her. But now she has her space, her independence, etc. I have absolutely no idea what she is doing, if or who she is talking to, or even if she has a new apartment for herself instead of living with her family. I really don't know. But right now at this point I'm putting faith in something greater ( I know that sounds a little crazy) that she'll figure out she's making the one of the greatest mistakes of her life, which is exactly what she is doing. So I have backed away. I have let it go, but I'm just not going to sign papers right away either. She needs time to figure out her life, so she has it. I have faith in both God and her that something good will come of it one way or the other.
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