Cindy B
Platinum
Reged: 12/17/06
Posts: 3152
Loc: TX
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First of all -- as I've already posted, dating is hard after a certain age, and after a long-term marriage. I met a few very nice men, and had several dates with two of them from Match. I am "with" one of them, and we are exclusive now, verbally agreed to monogamy, feels great. I'm happy to be seeing one person only now. But the other man that I had a few dates with has suddenly popped back up. He was on an extended holiday vacation, and has come back thinking we would start up where we left off, which was pretty much friendly dating, no intimacy at all, not even hand-holding. I just sent him a reponse email, after mulling on it for several days. I'm not happy with what I said, but couldn't come up with anything better. So I'm curious about how those of you who have been dating have handled the "it was great but it's over" email or phonecall or whatever. Rejection is so painful, and I don't like being the one to dish it out. Basically, it feels like shit. So input! Come on -- make me feel better, please!
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"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance"
- Oscar Wilde
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PinkRose
Platinum
Reged: 07/09/07
Posts: 1753
Loc: Not sure!!!
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Honesty is generally the best policy, IMO.
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I'm a living sunset... there's light in my bones. You can push me to the edge, but my will is stone!
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Heidi
Platinum
Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 1686
Loc: Not where I want to be.
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Cindy, there is no easy way to let them down. Just be honest.
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Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today.
James Dean
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4779
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"I really enjoyed the times we had together but someone else in my life has started to become important and so it would feel wrong to continue on with what you and I had at this point. If things change I'll let you know."
It keeps things open just in case. If you don't want that just incase, don't write the last sentence. People in the dating world these days understand that.
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Cindy B
Platinum
Reged: 12/17/06
Posts: 3152
Loc: TX
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Oooh, Gigi, that was good. Wish I'd posted this before I sent the email, I would have used your words.
Just got a reply. Cordial, but a tiny bit testy, and definitely abbreviated. Ouch. Oh well, what's done is done.
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"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance"
- Oscar Wilde
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MarMcMar
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 1579
Loc: Western New York
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I always highlight his good characteristics and what I liked about him. "You are a very accomplished and admirable man." I generally put in that I was attracted and that while we initially had chemistry, compatibility issues became more important. If pressed, I list the ways in which we do not match.
Recently (when pressed), I pointed out our obvious mismatch in fitness levels and how that was extremely important for me and unlikely to change for either of us. It still wasn't comfortable, but it was honest.
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The sweetest thing you'll ever see in the whole wide world is a happy girl.
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Cindy B
Platinum
Reged: 12/17/06
Posts: 3152
Loc: TX
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My original draft had some of that in there, but then I decided against it and nixed it. Guess I should've left it in, but we were never that far along, so I just thought it sounded weird. This is the man who was always keeping at arm's length, even after 4 dates. Oh well. Done now. You're right -- it is just an uncomfortable thing to have to do.
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"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance"
- Oscar Wilde
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Nish
Platinum
Reged: 02/18/07
Posts: 1231
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Cindy,
When I saw your subject line an "Oh No!" escaped my lips. Then I read your posting and said "Ahhhhh, well okay, the other guy."
Why not, "You snooze, you lose" as a break up line. Okay, all kidding aside, knowing you as I have come to on this forum, whatever you sent to him, was as kind and gentle of a break up as possible.
I agree, honesty is best on all matters, including when it is time to end things. No matter how gently you present a break up, the person may still go through a period of rejection or depression.....or not. It all depends on their emotional make up.
The important thing is you do it with honesty, style, grace, and as gently as possible. I would wager you did. The fact that you are still concerned just gives testament to the classy lady you are.
With that being said, let me now add, I am so tickled that there is such a special man in your life. A man who wants your and his relationship to be exclusive. You so richly deserve a man who sees all the fantastic qualtities you have and treats you as you should be treated.
Enjoy and try to stop worrying about Mr No Touch. He will be okay and I am sure will find the person right for him.
Hugs,
Nish
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MarMcMar
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 1579
Loc: Western New York
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My first post-d physical relationship I ended after 1 1/2 mos. We started out hot n' heavy, but I think he was intimidated (shades of my ex) and backed off physically (wanted to go back to holding hands on the couch??). Either way, I always was the aggressor.
I finally told him "Paul, I'm looking for a man who walks in the door, slams me up against the wall, scorches me with a knee-buckling kiss, licks me up one side and down the other and nails me on the spot."
After a brief pause, he quietly said "I'm not that guy."
Case closed.
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The sweetest thing you'll ever see in the whole wide world is a happy girl.
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Nish
Platinum
Reged: 02/18/07
Posts: 1231
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OMG,
I am laughing my a$$ here! I love that you were so honest and equally love that his comment "I'm not that guy!" How the hell are you going to get what you need if you don't let your needs be known?
I have never pussyfooted around. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I don't play mind games and won't tolerate others who do.
I was just so fortuante that the man who came into my life, after all the 25 yr downhill spiral marriage, was of like mind. We are both very passionate people, but he saw my hunger and simply said "Baby, we are going to do this nice and slow, and trust me, there is more than one course."
WOW, "knocked my socks off." Discovered that all nighters can and do happen even when you are 50+. Couldn't have scraped the big a$$ grin off my face for days....and didn't want to.
Is it any wonder that I married this man? He is a multifaceted person who has hot passion, gentleness, romance and loves to talk. Oh and the deepest sexiest voice that makes me melt.
We will celebrate our 2nd anniversary on St Patrick's Day. It just keeps getting better and better.
Oops...sorry, I didn't mean to hijack Cindy's post!
 Nish
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