mayday
Silver
Reged: 05/14/07
Posts: 98
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Oh here it goes.
As I raised my own Daughter I carried my daughter on my cell phone plan. No problems she knew how many minutes she was able to use and never went over. I paid the bill. When my Daughter turned 16 she got a job and has had a job ever since. When my daughter turned 18 soon after she split off my cell phone and has been paying for her cell phone bill ever since.
When my started dating my So. His two children had a pay as you go cell phone. There were problems with that because he had a hard time contacting his kids. Because of a volatile relationship with the Bio- mom he never called the house to talk to the kids. Then after his then 16 Year old daughter ran away from home and no Minutes on her Pay as you go cell phone as she is a talker. No on e could contact her.
At my suggestion I suggested He add his daughter to his cell phone plan and I add his Son. And we get them both regular cell phones. Well for a few months all was fine, them the daughter was talking up a storm and my SO cell phone bill was 600.00 My SO hit the roof. And told her He was going to pay it but if it happened again He would cancel her phone. She was fine for the next few months again well this December she did it again and His cell phone bill was 600.00 again. Instead of cancelling her cell phone like he said. He has problem of following through with what he says.
So we had to cancel his cell phone plan and now I have both teenagers on my cell phone pan and both me and my SO. I told my so that when his daughter turns 18 in just 2 months she will have to get her own cell phone plan and pay or it.
Well I reminded my So that his daughter will have to be looking for a job to make sure she can pay for her own cell phone in a few months. He did not want to talk about it that she was doing just fine that she had a hard time adjusting to the divorce and that he bio mom was a difficult person to have to deal with. All these excuses as to why we need to continue to pay for her cell phone.
I told him I will not do more for his daughter than I did for my own.
Please help me here . What do I do?
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Nish
Platinum
Reged: 02/18/07
Posts: 1294
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When does the cellphone contract for the SD expire? When it does, do not renew it. Until that time, your SO should be paying, for both his son's and daughter's monthly cellphone charge. They are his kids, not yours.
By his doing that, then if he decides he isn't going to cut her off at 18, that his decision to make. It is his daughter, and right or wrong, his choice to make.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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I may be missing something but it seems to me you don't need his permission to remove his daughter from YOUR cell phone plan when she turns 18, runs up the bill or wherever you want to set your boundaries.
Step parents can and should have authority to discipline. You make things a lot harder for yourself if you have to run everything past the bio parent. If you're all going to be living together, you need to work this out with him.
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golightly
Gold
Reged: 04/10/07
Posts: 141
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My SS is 16 and we have had similare problems since I got him his first cell phone at age 11. With him, it's losing the phone. After the 2nd one he lost, I finally said no more. Then his mom put him on her plan. She was insuring the phones, but they are stil $50 to replace, and they will only do so many per year. He loses four a year. Well, bio-mom is out of the picture now and he just lost his phone for the 2nd time in 4 months. I am arguing with his dad - he wants to get him another phone. I said when one of our other phones is up for a free upgrade, he can have the old one, or he can work and buy himself a new phone. I would also like to tell him that since we can't keep in touch with him, his freedom should be curtailed, but then my husband thinks I'm a jerk and he's probably right.
It is so frustrating when, as teens, they don't do what we ask and act responsibly! Very hard when their irresponsibility ends up compromising safety or is an inconvenience to parents/ step parents!
I think with the minutes thing, part of the problem is that you are not buying enough minutes for them. When the bill goes over allotted minutes, then you pay huge. The phone is a teenagers life line, both to you, their bio mom, and their social world. If you are paying for 600 minutes a month, that's only 20 minutes per day. Not very much for a teen. I would allow 45-60 mins per day. I know, sounds like a lot, but I would rather that than my teenager tie up our house phone line. (Try to remember back when you were a kid, and how much time you spent on the phone...) You may also designate certain weekly and daily chores around the house that need to be done in order to have these minutes alloted to her.
Also, call your cell phone provider. Explain that Dec. your SO's daughter was haveing some family problems, prompting over-usage you were not aware of. It really costs them NOTHING to cut your bill a little. Especially if you are upgrading to a plan with more minutes.
As for post 18 usage, each family is different. For us, we provide phones as long as kids are good about keeping in touch with us and calling us back when we leave messages. It's affordable for us, but may not be for other families. Each kid is different, too. Your bio daughter may not be as emotionally "needy," and may not need as much phone time. You should be proud of that, but don't penalize SO's child just because she isn't as strong as your girl.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3212
Loc: Florida
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Maybe I'm a hard a$$...but I'd say take it away & turn it off. If they can't show responsibility then they shouldn't be given the privilege.
See that's the thing...it's a PRIVILEGE to have a cell phone, not an inherent right!
My hubby and I have 4 cell phones on 1 plan. He uses one for the rental business for the tenants to call and that one is forwarded to his personal cell phone. I have one and the kids share one. They do not get exclusive possession of the phone. In fact it stays in my room or my purse until they need it. They ask for it for purposes such as going to friends, staying after school for an activity or if we are going to say a theme park or mall where we will be splitting up then they will get it. They also use it to make any long-distance phone calls from home. My son has asked for his own cell phone for two years now and our answer will remain the same...NO!
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kota1967
Platinum
Reged: 01/26/06
Posts: 1480
Loc: New England
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when I met my husband he did not have a cell phone so I got him one on my plan..then that Christmas he asked me if I would get his two older kids one on my plan..being the fool that I am I did...they never paid the bill on time and he had to hunt them down for the money then his daughter forged my signature to get an upgrade which ended extending the contract that I was going to cancel...I switched servers and threatened to take them to court for not asking for identification...now I got his younger son a phone on my plan which he pays for...but when the son abuses the phone I tell him "it is my phone and if you abuse it I will take it"...he doesn't do that any more...but once each kid reaches the age of 18 and can get their own they are off mine...especially step kids...I have enough to worry about with my own kids I don't need the added stress of my SK's running up bills I can't afford to pay...I did it as a favor to my husband...(:
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