basil
New
Reged: 01/18/08
Posts: 2
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I am contemplating divorce. We have been together for 14 years, 4 kids-8,6,4,2. We have had severe financial problems. While I stayed home and took care of kids, he just did the minimum and never earned enough. Changed jobs, made excuses.
He's currently working but still isn't enough. He won't save or come up with a plan. He just spends what little money we have on stupid stuff like Ebay. I started direct sell along with major personal development work. I love being independent contractor but it takes 12-24 months to really pick up. I know I will do well financially. I am a great saleswoman and I love it.
We don't have anything in common, just kids and church. I think we're just roommates. Reminds me of college. We don't really communicate--he never wants to talk about anything like that. He won't do counseling although I have started counseling myself. He thinks he knows everything already and will just control everyone and everything.
We don't own a house, 401K, cars and all our furniture is used junk.
I can't imagine being without him but if I stay with this man, I'm afraid I'll wind up on Medicaid because he'll spend my money and my daughter will marry someone like him. YIKES!
I thought about confronting him with the option of divorce if he doesn't pull it together. But that's a manipulation to get him to change. He'll probably just get mean and nasty. And he can be really mean and nasty.
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 1874
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Sounds to me like your husband "spends what little money we have on stupid stuff like Ebay" because it's all he has. From your degrading remarks of him, you apparently "checked out" of the marriage a long time ago.
Your biggest hang up seems to be a lack of money.
"I'm afraid I'll wind up on Medicaid because he'll spend my money"
What money? You don't work for a paycheck. And, most feel that money earned during a marriage belongs to both...and the law looks at it this way.
From what you posted, you feel his money is yours....and you don't want to get a job until after divorce, because you don't want to share the money you would earn.
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basil
New
Reged: 01/18/08
Posts: 2
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First of all I have a job caring for four little kids. I sell MK and I also recently became a personal care assistant for a senior care service. Second of all, I am the one who has the credit card debt and I am the one who must shop at the WalMart praying the debit card goes through. And when it doesn't, I have to explain to our kids why we don't have groceries.
I'll never get a regular "job" because regular jobs are simply a measure of time "put-in". I want results and I intend to get the results that I want.
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randy225
New
Reged: 01/16/08
Posts: 6
Loc: Colorado
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Basil, what exactly do you mean by saying you want him to "pull it together"?
I could be your husband, based on what you posted, besides the exact ages of the kids. I got sick of her motivational speeches, listening to the tapes/cd's on car trips about how to be a superseller, ("regular jobs are just a measure of time put in..." is straight off a motivational tape!) talking about the car she was going to earn, etc.....She did very well for a while, but then, as sales do, the sales dropped, the income dropped, and it was on to the next "bestest ever!" sales job, where we were going to be very well off as soon as she had her client base established.
You hubby knows how you feel, and he feels like a failure. No man wants to be thought of as inadequate by those he loves! Financially or otherwise! I am not surprised he is withdrawn, and choses to spend some cash on the internet, with an "instant clickable shopping fix."
I don't have any specific advice for you, I just thought you should hear the other side of things from someone besides your hubby! Good luck!
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Look ahead to a bright future not yet written.
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