OVER_IT
New
Reged: 01/21/08
Posts: 4
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I live in New mexico and have been Married for 8 years. My wife kicked me out about 2 weeks ago after me finding out she is having an affair. We have kids also. She said that it is over between them and I just want it over. We could probably work this out but I am not sure. I have e-mails that they have sent to each other and other stuff. Should I file and hit her for adultry? i sill love her but I know she is still with this guy? HELP
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OVER_IT
New
Reged: 01/21/08
Posts: 4
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PLEASE HELP ANYONE??????
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2223
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3 things:
1)Your wife can't kick you out. You left, and that is the way the courts will look at it, so if you have kids, it can throw a wrench into how much custody you will get.
2) All states are no-fault, thus adultery plays no bearing in custody or division of assets.
3) You need a good attorney yesterday. If you are passive, expect her to be handsomely rewarded for cheating, and you will be trampled.
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stoltz
Platinum
Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1494
Loc: Texas
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I second Samsung ... Your wife can't throw you out. What she MIGHT do is call the cops and file a fictitious DV charge against you, which would mean the cops would come out and ask you to leave (or FORCE you to leave by arresting you). The law is on her side. If the powers-that-be later find out the charges were falsified, she would get a slap on the wrist at worst. Unless you have kids and they were adversely affected by the adultery, the courts won't care one iota. Isn't great to be a man/father in a marriage going kapootz - the wife has all the weapons regardless if you were totally innocent and she was the scumbag.
As Samsung says, get back in the house NOW. If she tries to make you leave by force (e.g., by hitting you), YOU call the police on HER. Chances are, though, unless you have a bruise, cut, or some other proof she inflicted physical harm on you, it'll be you who will be asked to leave. Just be aware of it. And talk to an attorney now. Whether you still love this woman or not, realize she doesn't care for you as evidenced by her cheating and "throwing you out". Take the initiative here as it appears she is already trying herself.
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usa
New
Reged: 01/21/08
Posts: 5
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Dear Over It,
1. If you're really over it, please let me in on your secret!
2. I'm confused why, if she was the one cheating, why you were kicked out? Whoever is in the house can make an appraisal look really bad, and then when the divorce is all settled, they can make it look really good and make, overnight, tens of thousands of dollars. cynic!!
I would hold all of the documentation that you have in a safe place (e.g., your attorney's safe). It might not count to a judge when property is distributed, but it might count for something ...
So, she tells you that it's over between the two of them but you believe that there is a slim chance that she continues to lie to you? Hard to imagine she'd ever do that, based on what you say ... What's the chance that old expression is true, "once a cheater, always a cheater"?
There are great resources for patching up a relationship. I've professionally only seen about 10 percent actually work out, assuming both folks are really committed to making it work out. A good and experienced marriage counselor is important and is a workbook on saving your marriage. Date nights. Listening and valuing the other person is important.
It's hard for us to not allow ourselves to be somebody else's rug, yet totally give in to working on the things that went wrong in the first place.
GOOD LUCK!
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OVER_IT
New
Reged: 01/21/08
Posts: 4
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Ok here is the question. Her family owns the house not her or I. Can they make me leave?
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stoltz
Platinum
Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1494
Loc: Texas
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That definitely throws a wrench into the mess, but even then I don't think SHE (or even THEY) can force you out. To me it'd be like you are renting month-to-month without a lease. They'd have to give you a 30-day notice to leave, or go the legal route and evict you before then. Again, call an attorney ASAP to find out your rights.
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OVER_IT
New
Reged: 01/21/08
Posts: 4
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What can I do about the BF? Can I keep him away from my kids?
I think If I did move back in her family would get violent! I would really love to work it out with her but she is being a female dog. And her BF is feeding her a bunch of BS. He is still telling his STBX they can work it out!
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