peter1966
New
Reged: 01/27/08
Posts: 1
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I am remarried and my children from my first marriage live overseas which means i only see them every 3 or 4 months. I have been divorced for 3 1/2 years.
My new wife is keen to adopt and i am really worried of the impact on my children, especially as they are so far away and see me infrequently. If I saw them every weekend it would be easier, but I am scared that it damages them.
I would really love some input or to be pointed to a place which could help me as most resources don't seem to address this issue.
Thanks
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ssrachel
Platinum
Reged: 05/23/07
Posts: 1967
Loc: bottom of a pit
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i can't help you, but i commend you for giving this thought first.
my stbx and his gf (she's also still married), committed adultery, he moved her and her 3 kids into the only home my children knew, and now the gf is pregnant. and nobody is even divorced. my children live with me primarily and will usually talk to me about anything, even things they don't like about going to their dad's. they have known about the new baby for a month and have yet to say a word to me about it. i think that says something...that maybe they don't want to talk about it. i don't know. i know it's not advice, just my experience, which obviously my whole situation is different than yours.
but, again, kudos to you for thinking about your children. i hope everything works out for you.
kat
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What you reap is what you sow and so it goes...
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Nish
Platinum
Reged: 02/18/07
Posts: 1240
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Peter,
It is indeed admirable that you want to consider how adopting a baby might affect your children from your former marriage.
I do have a question. Is it just your wife who is keen on adopting? The reason why I am asking is you posted:
"My new wife is keen to adopt and i am really worried of the impact on my children, especially as they are so far away and see me infrequently. If I saw them every weekend it would be easier, but I am scared that it damages them."
It left me wondering if you were keen on the idea yourself?
As to worrying about damaging your children, if you and your current wife adopt, I personally don't feel that will happen as long as you prepare them. It really isn't much different from when you prepared the first child in your former marriage for the arrival of the 2nd.
You make sure they know that you still love them and will have time for them. I agree, it would be easier if you got to see your children on a more regular basis, but that isn't possible, due to where they live.
So, as long as you really are interested in adopting a baby with your current wife, this should only be marginally alittle different than when you and your former wife had another baby.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2126
Loc: Hell...but im coming back up, ...
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[quote]i can't help you, but i commend you for giving this thought first.
my stbx and his gf (she's also still married), committed adultery, he moved her and her 3 kids into the only home my children knew, and now the gf is pregnant. and nobody is even divorced. my children live with me primarily and will usually talk to me about anything, even things they don't like about going to their dad's. they have known about the new baby for a month and have yet to say a word to me about it. i think that says something...that maybe they don't want to talk about it. i don't know. i know it's not advice, just my experience, which obviously my whole situation is different than yours.
but, again, kudos to you for thinking about your children. i hope everything works out for you.
kat [/quote]
adding to what kat wrote.
you are a great guy who cares about his kids!
good for you!
unlike MY stbx who could care less about his own kids
and the impact having his gf and HER KIDS live with together hurts the hearts of our kids
who feel rejected and misplaced.
...oh...im not finalized either..
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taryn.
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