lknox2003
New
Reged: 07/29/06
Posts: 7
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How do I get my husband to talk to me about wha is going on? We have two kids, 5 and 6 months. I love him but he has never been a talker. A few weeks ago i found a womans phone number on his bill and asked him about it. he said they are just friends. i told him that it made me uncomfortable and I really did not want him talking to her unless I got to know her too. that did not happen. then I found out that he went to lunch with her(they work together) I was hurt and angry. I told him that it was our marriage or his friendship with this woman. He left. I am so sad and angry and feel like he doesnt care about me at all. his family says otherwise. should I give up and get over it? he wont even tell me what the hell is going on. he wont talk to me at all. I miss him. is there a way to fix this?
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shiss
New
Reged: 07/31/06
Posts: 6
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did he leave because you told him to choose between you and her or because he felt you did not trust him and you were jumping the gun (jealousy) and either needs a break to look at the marriage or is ready to end it. you say he does not talk, does that mean he never said why he left. if so, you have to ask yourself if there is no communication at such a crucial time, kids or no kids...you cannot live without communication. you cannot feel your way through a marriage. both have to talk and share their feelings.
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lknox2003
New
Reged: 07/29/06
Posts: 7
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yes I told him it was this "friendship" or me. He left. I have filed for divorce. He won't talk and I cannot trust him. I am now just trying to deal with the pain and handle my children with no help from him. How do you deal with this? I feel like someone has died but he still calls the damn house all the time. How do you heal from something like this?
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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Hard to tell what's going on here. The way you tell it makes you look like you overreacted twice. First in essentially accusing him of infidelity for a phone call and lunch meeting and second in jumping to file for divorce when he left in the face of that.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that he won't communicate because he's afraid you're going to overreact to anything honest and substantial he has to say.
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arthurdent
New
Reged: 08/19/06
Posts: 1
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Getting him to talk can be difficult, many men don't open up well. I stopped talking to my wife because evry time I did it led to an argument. If I was upset, and wanted to explain why, she would become angry at me because I was upset. She became very defensive and whatever was wrong would ultimately become my fault. A good counselor can help, if you can get him to one.
As far as the lunch with the lady friend, if he was keeping it from you, there is a good chance he is at least thinking about something more happening there. A man with a 6 month old child in the house may neglected and want female company, even though it might just be someone to talk to.
I don't think you were wrong to stand your ground, but maybe a little hasty to file for divorce. Give it a little time, and muster everything you can to be calm in his presence. (not cold, but calm). Save your emotions for when he is away
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Bluecga
New
Reged: 10/11/06
Posts: 3
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I felt very lonely when my children were born. I don't know why? My wonderful Wife breast feed, and nurtured almost 24/7 for the first 6 months. I work hard so she hasn't ever worked outside the home. I changed diapers, did the shopping, cooking when home. Wife just shut off the intimacy towards me and became totally focused on the child, nothing wrong with that, but I became depressed. Men need to feel loved, need intimate sex to feel loved and if not will seek it elseware no matter how noble the situtations that cause this isolation, kids, job, sick parent you name it. Men need attention constantly. I least that's how I feel.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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"if he was keeping it from you, there is a good chance he is at least thinking about something more happening there"
Or he knew his jealous wife would try to take control over whom he assiciated with.
If you want to get your guy (or girl) to open up, you have to make them feel safe in doing so. If he says something you don't want to hear and you jump down his throat, he'll clam and stay clammed.
Edited by KGrow (10/12/06 11:08 AM)
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numbnms
Platinum
Reged: 10/18/07
Posts: 673
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Have you had marriage counseling? I also was never a big talker but when we decided to go to counseling it gave me an avenue to open up in an environment that was non-threatening. My situation didn't improve and am still getting a divorce but I atleast learned to communicate better and had I done it years ago feel that I wouldn't be were I am now.
From what you have said I also think you jumped the gun on filing but we also don't have all of the story.
Final thoughts: never give ultimatums they never work like you think they will (personal experiances has proved this out to many times to mention). Make the decisions for yourself and not as a result of someones reaction to your threat.
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Forget waiting for the storm to pass
Learn to dance in the rain
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