Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3234
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You said:
I'm with infinity on this one. Respect your vows! He is.
My response:
No, he is not. He is an addict. Who is not getting help.
You said:
Get your husband some help.
My response:
She can't get her husband help. He's got to do it all on his own. It's part of the process of becoming a recovering alcoholic. There isn't a dam* thing anybody can do until they hit rock bottom or admit that they have a problem. And sometimes, not even then.
You said:
The BEST scenario for your daughter is for her two parents to live happily together. Don't you forget that. Your husband needs help. That's the problem. Now fix it.
My response:
She can't fix it. She's not responsible for his choice to drink. He is. And he is the only one who can fix it.
And you are right, being raised in a 2 parent household is better for the child, as long as that household doesn't involve an actively drinking alcoholic, that is. Or the marriage is a viable one. And there are only 1-2 people who can determine if the marriage is viable. And that is the husband and/or wife in that particular marriage. Not you.
You said:
And mistake#2, that comment was entirely uncalled for. Infinity is allowed his opinion, just like everyone else.
My response:
That is rich coming from the person who demanded that another person title his post appropriately.
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2019
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"Oh, in case your wondering. All men consider suicide when faced with divorce. At least I did. [/quote]
No big loss there...too bad."
You might not feel that way when your sons kill themselves. Or, how you, as a grandparent down the line, will get to see the grandkids a few hours a months, because your sons won't get custody.
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infinity386
Gold
Reged: 02/24/08
Posts: 124
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[quote]"Oh, in case your wondering. All men consider suicide when faced with divorce. At least I did. [/quote]
No big loss there...too bad."
You might not feel that way when your sons kill themselves. Or, how you, as a grandparent down the line, will get to see the grandkids a few hours a months, because your sons won't get custody. [/quote]
Well said Samsung
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EmergeAnew
Platinum
Reged: 02/26/08
Posts: 229
Loc: IL
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WoW! What a thread. Yikes :x
Apple,
There are many things you can do if your choice is to get divorced. There is financial assistance that you can apply for with LINK www.illinois.gov. There is all kinds of help for you and your baby there, also there is the WIC program for Women Infants and Children call 800-323-4769 to find your local office.
There are also attorneys that will represent you for free if you need to have one appointed for you. Or you can go to the courthouse and file for Dissolution and represent yourself.
Yes you will get 20% of his NET income for Child Support, Maintenance may be awarded, but it depends on your situation and how long you have been married.
It is certainly not an easy decision to make, but you are the only one that can decide if you are making the right choice.
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One question if I may...Does your husband know how you feel about his drinking? Does he know that you want a divorce becuase of it? I do agree with a previous poster, you cant make your husband get sober, only he can. He has to want sobriety, and he just may want that sobriety with his wife and baby girl. Just a thought.
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You must be the change you wish to see - Mahatma Gandhi
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3136
Loc: Florida
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[quote]"Oh, in case your wondering. All men consider suicide when faced with divorce. At least I did. [/quote]
No big loss there...too bad."
You might not feel that way when your sons kill themselves. Or, how you, as a grandparent down the line, will get to see the grandkids a few hours a months, because your sons won't get custody. [/quote]
I was commenting to that particular poster...not in general to ALL men...due to his previous posts. I'm allowed my opinion and I think he's an a$$. I don't care if anyone agrees with me, I'm comfortable with my own opinion...and FYI, my brother killed himself. Yes, I have sons and know that they aren't biased as the poster I was referring to and it's ridiculous to say that they are going to kill themselves when they don't get custody of their children. What a ridiculous statement.
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**2 1/2 weeks to go...should start counting down the days**
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2019
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"Yes, I have sons and know that they aren't biased as the poster I was referring to and it's ridiculous to say that they are going to kill themselves when they don't get custody of their children. What a ridiculous statement."
Actually, it's not. There's been a study on it, and not only do a large percentage of men consider it, but some follow through. Some take their spouses and childrens lives also. The study showed that the loss of the family unit, the separation from their children, and feeling they failed are the main reasons.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3136
Loc: Florida
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[quote) Actually, it's not. There's been a study on it, and not only do a large percentage of men consider it, but some follow through. Some take their spouses and childrens lives also. The study showed that the loss of the family unit, the separation from their children, and feeling they failed are the main reasons. [/quote]
Ridiculous as my children are 8 & 13...and ridiculous to lump them into some study and ridiculous to assume ALREADY that they are going to get married let alone have children let alone get divorced. I know what studies say about failed marriages...but your stretching to try and make a point.
How many women on this forum have had their husbands kill themselves? None that I am aware of yet all of us are going through a divorce or have gone through one if not more.
Also, I'm intelligent enough to teach my children proper ways to deal with loss, anger and mourning. Suicide is a cop out. I'm not saying people don't think about it, but what an immature and selfish act.
So I still think your statement that my sons are going to kill themselves is ridiculous...but thanks psychic samsung for your divine reading of my childrens future.
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**2 1/2 weeks to go...should start counting down the days**
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2147
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To put it in perspective , suicide is the eighth leading cause of death in America, with men four times more likely to kill themselves than women and among men between the ages of 25 and 44 it's one ( top 3 depending on who's research ) of the leading causes . Post-divorce , men are 8 TIMES more likely to commit suicide . If 8 WOMEN killed themselves for every man post-divorce it would be BIG NEWS .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2019
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I really can't say much else. You promote suicide for certain people. You ignore the facts. The chances of a man getting married, divorced, and being a non-custodial parent, are higher than you think. 90% of Americans get married. The divorce rate is in 50-60% range, and men get custody in my state 6% of the time.
So, if a son gets married, the chances of you becoming a visitor to the kids, just like him, are higher. Using 100 people as an example, 90 get married. At a 55% divorce rate, 50 of the 90 will get divorced, and 3 men will get custody. Although a few will share custody, most will be resigned by the courts, as a visitor.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3136
Loc: Florida
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[quote] You promote suicide for certain people.
**Didn't promote for CERTAIN people, just made a comment about a poster that was being an a$$. Would I normally have made that as a statement, NO...I just went off his previous post.
You ignore the facts. It's your way, or the highway. Good day. [/quote]
**Didn't ignore anything...Although I'm noting that you ignored the comment on how many posters here don't have stbx or ex's that killed themselves.
Not my highway, just my own opinion which you can agree to or not...I would ask that you keep my children out of it though.
So how many son's do you have? Is that their fate also? How would you feel if I told you that your children are going to kill themselves?
I would guess that nobody here would take very kindly to that either.
Yes, you have a good day too.
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**2 1/2 weeks to go...should start counting down the days**
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