Domni
New
Reged: 02/26/06
Posts: 2
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Helpful facts:
6 year marriage
1 child-8 months old
Husband makes more than $100K base salary + bonuses
In a nutshell, my husband dumped me the night I came home from the hospital from having our daughter. No, I had no idea he wasn't happy in the marriage. (Tried for over a year to get pregnant.) Since then has stated he did not want children however does not regret our daughter. The following weeks I lived both at our home and my father's (something I have never done during our marraige). Turns out there was another woman who's "friendship" he valued more so than mine. I have only phone records and emails that verify this. He finished his internal medicine residency two days before our daughter was born however he does not think stress has played any role in his decision to leave. He had planned on leaving us in a city with no family/friends however I have since relocated to another Ga city where my family resides. He has already relocated to another state due to a contract signed prior to our daughter's conception.. approx 7-8 hours away.
His visiation since moving is spotty at best. I have made it a point to allow any weekend he has requested as long as it's a week or so ahead of time. During Christmas he had a week's vacation before Xmas Eve/Day and did not come to see our daughter. During his visitations he often hang's out rather than visits with our daughter. He has no clue about her personality and honestly thinks she knows who he is..by the way, she smiles at everyone.
Our daughter is now 8 months old and breastfead as well as being raised in a relaxed attatchment parenting manner (ie: I often wear her in babycarriers, she sleeps with me during nights, etc. AP has saved my sanity with my now being a single parent.)
He has now requested via a proposal that for immediate overnight visitation. He has also requested that any weekends he can not make visitations that his parents be allowed to come in his stead. (Honestly, he has very little to do with her when he visits and I truely think if it weren't for his parents he would rarely bother to come see her until she is much older.)
As I understand it, GA has no granparent laws. Are there any known cases of it being forced visitations with grandparents? (Btw, I have allowed them several visits since this started. I have no intention of them not seeing her however I do not want to be forced into a situation such as soon-to-be-ex is suggesting.)
What is the average age for overnight visitations in cases such as this with the parent's being 7-8hours apart? I'd like our daughter to have no overnight visitations til she's at least 2years old and understands who she is with, where she is going and that I won't be there. I just can't imagine that this is unreasonable but is it???
Also, can someone please help me understand the child support laws in GA? I thought I understood it and even asked my attorney but now my attorney has told me another figure and I am fairly upset by it. Essentially I understood it to be 17-23% based on gross annual income. But now I've been told that it can be modified less if the person makes more than 75K? His income will steadily go up..he has a base of over $100K and will get very fat bonuses that will actually go up a ton once he is partner in 1-2 years.
I have very little education. I'd planned on being a stay-at-home-mom and both of us agreed that it would be pointless to acrue more student loan costs during our marriage when we planned on having children by the time he was out of his residency. Now I MUST to go back to school so that I will not end up in a crappy paying job as I was before and during part of our 6 year marriage. (No, I was not able to support him during marriage, most of the cost was on student loans.) I am determined to get a degree that will support both myself and my daughter. I naturally do not and will not trust him when it comes to anything, not even child support.
I am worried that my attorney is not in sync with what I expect and need. I have tried repeatedly to have questions answered and am often given vague responses. He is very good at chatting, and I do love to chat, however this divorce is something that has to be handled absolutely 100% correctly. He has a good reputaion as far as I know, I'm new to the area, and is sort of a good ol' boy as far as his mannerisms etc..however, as I said above, I'm just worried. I feel like I should be getting a font of information at our appointments and instead I sometimes get silence (with regards to my saying I'd like our daughter to have no overnight visitations til she's at least 2years old) Can anyone help me with trying to understand how the process works for an attorney? I write down everything I need to talk with him about and yet I always leave there with very few answers.
Thanks and I'm sorry for putting so much in a first post.
D
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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I'd say you need a new attorney. He can be the best and the brightest but if you can't establish a good working relationship with your attorney, his skill won't be all that useful to you.
It sounds like today visitation is being done on your terms. That's going to change. You are going to loose some control over your daughter. You need to come to terms with that. The father (and grandparents) have rights.
On the other hand, while your daughter is young, the cards are stacked in your favor. A stay-at-home mother of an infant or toddler can ask for and recieve a skewed visitation schedule.
There's typically not much room for negotiation over child support numbers. Once you've settled on which court has jurisdiction, it's pretty much a matter of plugging numbers into a formula.
You said you did not support your husband through school - he took out student loans. Since you were married at the time those loans were drafted, you may well have some legal responsibility for paying those back.
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Domni
New
Reged: 02/26/06
Posts: 2
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Another question regarding visitations..
her father has yet to have her on his own for more than an hour (by his choice). Why the heck would a court give him overnight visitations when before his parents became involved he would refer all and every part of parenting to me?
What exactly are grandparent's rights in GA? As I understood it, there are very few other than with regards to deceased parents or unfit parents.
As far as visitation on my terms, yes it is in my home and I try to stay out of the way as much as possible. However, I will not let my daughter cry unduly if she's hungry and wants to nurse or is uncomfortable ie: she does not know them well at all.
As far as schedule, I have allowed both him and his parents full access to her and also allowed them both to set the dates etc. I suggest hours such as 10a-6 but typically his parents leave when she goes down for her afternoon nap.
I have accepted that I will not have complete control over visitations. However, I will also not have my daughter uncomfortable or upset because she is with a pack of strangers even if they are family.
I truely hope you're joking that I could be held responsable for his loans? How the hell could any court hold me responsable for loans for his medschoool when I will not reap any of the rewards?? (IE: all of our retirement and business plans are completely gone!)
I want to very clearly state that I am NOT after him for his ample cashflow. I truely wish I were at the point where I never had to accept one red cent from him. However, I'm not. And I won't be for sometime.
One last question..
is there any way that something can be done about setting up a college fund for our daughter in our divorce by the courts? Or is that only something that would be done by both parties agreeing to it? (His parents 6 years of college and I would like to see him pay at least half.)
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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The court would grant overnight visitations because the father has broad parental rights. The court considers it in the best interest of the child to know both parents.
The court would probably be offended by your argument that an overnight visit with her father should be disallowed because it would cause the child discomfort (because he's a "stranger").
I was not joking about the possibility of your being partially responsible for debts acrued during the marriage. In community property states, couples share equally in both their losses and gains.
If he asks you to share the debt, you may be able to counter by arguing that his education is a marital asset that has specific value and that should be divided.
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