GivinUp94
New
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 11
Loc: TX
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We met 15 years ago, within months of being married we got evicted from our apartment because he wasn't paying the rent. I was in the military, at the time. He was also going to the Navy Exchange and writing bad checks for which I was counseled for by my CO. I find out he is a habitual liar. After a few bad checks, I cut off the joint accounts forever. Things turn into my bills and his bills. My money and his money. I do my best to protect myself.
Years past by things are going great. I am out of the military and in school. He is working full time and paying the bills.
Now, I am 5 years into my successful career making pretty much all of the money. He works part time. I pay the big bills like mortgage, insurance, cell phones, etc. He is only responsible for the car note, and utilities. A few years back, he also let the car that was in my name get repossed...yes, my credit took the hit.
He gets behind on the electricity and water. I come home things are turned off. I get angry because he did not come to me for the money before things got to this. His response, he didn't want to upset me because he thought he could handle it. I later learn he paid the outstanding balances by pawning my camera, laptop, and lcd tv. Note, he did not pawn his Xbox 360 or games...just my stuff.
This really pisses me off.
I have gone through the past 3 or 4 years of things getting cut off and my stuff getting pawned. He basically refuses to communicate with me. Lately, he has been using my account to cover the bills without my permission and says he accidently did it.
Now, I have had it with him. As days past by, the kids see us arguing (which we try to keep away from them unsuccessfully I might add) and I feel as though what little love left is turning to hate.
I want out of this, he doesn't, he wants to go to counseling. I don't see the point because I don't trust or believe anything that comes out of his mouth. I also worry about keeing my job due to the repossession, it's one of those with clearances. I feel like he is pulling me down and if I don't get out now, I will be left with absolutely nothing.
What do you think?
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britintx
New
Reged: 02/06/08
Posts: 1
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I see some similarities with my soon to be over 16 year marriage. I decided over 10 years ago that we needed seperate accounts, after I was sick of tired of thinking I could replace the shoes I was supergluing with new ones, now that I had saved some money and then finding an overdrawn notice in the mail. I now pay all the bills, he is mad that I have finally given up on the marriage and not giving me any money at all towards bills and taking care of our daughters, even though he has an income.
I came to the conclusion, after 16 years, that this is not a partnership, I have a room mate, who is a leech. We also sleep in seperate rooms.
We tried different solutions over the years...I pay the bills and tell him how much he owes me, (50/50 when we made 50/50), I pay the bills and split with the same percentage as we make in the overall income (30/60), he pays some bills, I pay others. Same result..."I don't have it right now, I'm going to have to owe you". Well after all these years of me "emasculating him" (quote), he now wants me to refinance the house and pay him off...half the equity, when I have received a grand total of $450 in 2007 out of the $30,000 income that he made. Is he really going to change? no...probably not. Do you really want to continue like this? Is it something you can even talk with him about? Obviously not. I'm filing for divorce, I didn't sign up to be his Mother and he has not been a partner. I guess it comes down to how reasonable the chance is that there can be change and how much longer you want to put up with it.
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Supercat
New
Reged: 04/26/07
Posts: 10
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I'd suggest appointments with a lawyer and a therapist. Sounds like you'll need both of their guidance regardless of your decision to stay or go. Don't look at the therapist as only a 'save the marriage' counselor, he/she may be able to help make the split less painful, help your husband see the situtation more clearly if/when it comes. If you can't stand the joint therapy with him, I would recommend going alone to help you through the decisions you face.
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WolRon
Platinum
Reged: 01/16/08
Posts: 255
Loc: MN, USA
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"I later learn he paid the outstanding balances by pawning my camera, laptop, and lcd tv. Note, he did not pawn his Xbox 360 or games...just my stuff."
"Lately, he has been using my account to cover the bills without my permission and says he accidently did it."
You're right. Dump him. He's using you. There are some things that I could look over, but if my spouse started selling/pawning off "MY" stuff or spending "MY" money to pay off her bills, then I'd certainly be looking into leaving. He's STEALING from his own wife. How low is that?
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I didn't get married to pay CS later in life.
http://home.cmit.net/rwolbeck/childsupport
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