crusadermom4life
New
Reged: 02/22/08
Posts: 3
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hi everyone, hope you can bear with this novel i am about to write. i am new to this so please excuse me if this in the wrong place.i am a mom to 2 wonderful little boys aged 8 and 4 and plan on filing for divorce within the year. let me tell you my story. i married in 99 and after some time saw the true colors of the man i married. my oldest son was born in 2000 and my husband has done absolutely nothing for him. he also crossed the line so much with discipline during his formative years that i believe he did irreperable damage. when i mean crossing the line i mean he pulled his hair, smacked his hands so hard they were red, and left marks when he spanked him.my oldest was also diagnosed as autistic at age 4. on top of that he has never done anything with him-he doesn't even talk to him. when i saw how horrible he was, i knew i had to be a stay at home mom, because i absolutely feared for my child and myself (although he has never hit me, he is verbally abusive)
i was going to leave in 03 after i graduated college but had the bad luck of being on the pill and conceiving anyway. after how he was with my first born i was horrified about bringing another child in to this situation. well, the husband did it again! he does nothing for my youngest either. i threatened to send his butt to jail and he finally stopped with his supposed "discipline".now he just neglects them.
the thing is that even though he works he should treasure the time with his kids. he has only taken them to 2 functions their entire life. he doesn't talk to them and ignores them when they try to talk to him.he doesn't play or interact with them in any way that a father should. it's sad too. he told me he doesn't know how to be a dad and doesn't have the instincts to be one.he is not physically or emotionally supportive at all to my boys.his family treats my boys like trash as well.he is more loyal to his family, than he has ever has been to us.
i feel so overwhelmed and have been trapped by this man and this sham for so long, but i always tried to carry on and be civil even though i felt far from that . he has threatened to kill himself if i left him and even talked about that before when we had some simple financial problems!
i finally decided after a visit home to texas last weekend that i had to start really saving more money and prepare to move on. i have plenty of savings set aside because he said i would get nothing if i leave. that isn't happening!
i would really like to raise my kids in a beautiful setting like texas is. i have 2 college degrees and own a cemetery restoration business that i could operate all year long if i was there. as you know, we can't do any outside work here now in michigan.
my family can't believe how horrible he is and tell me to get as far away as possible and come home. i know his family would harass me to the Nth degree if i stayed here too.
what would be the chance of me getting soul custody of my boys? would i be able to move back home to texas? i have everything i said above documented. i would want them to talk to him, but even at a young age they really have no desire to do so.
help! i believe i am doing the right thing and finally getting out of this situation. what do you think?
thanks in advance for any input.
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Solorider
Platinum
Reged: 02/23/07
Posts: 690
Loc: At the bottom of the bucket.
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You really need to talk to an attorney. You might have to get a restraining order so he won't hurt the kids or even hurt you. It sounds like he could really hurt you.
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1404
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The courts are really really really cautious about moving out of state.
You need a lawyer and you need to be able to remove them during the divorce.
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crusadermom4life
New
Reged: 02/22/08
Posts: 3
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thank you solorider and jerseygirl.
solorider, i am very worried about how he will react. he has a very short fuse and gets out of control, emotionally and verbally.
jerseygirl, i appreciate the words. i believe it would be in the best interest to get them out during the divorce. i wish i had family here to be a support system.
one thing for sure, i have been documenting everything regarding his treatment of the boys since 02 with the 1st born and 05 with my youngest.i never thought in a million years i would ever have to do something like that.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 2906
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Here's the thing, if you move out of state and the courts let you, your children will have extended periods of time ALONE with their father. Unless you can prove that he abuses them or neglects them (and the courts aren't going to take your work for it, they want hard evidence), you won't be able to stop it.
Personally, given what you posted, I wouldn't move. He's less likely to abuse them being an EOW father as he won't have to deal with them for long periods of time. Like he will with a long-distance parenting plan.
And if he goes long periods of not seeing them, then you may be able to move and he may not excercise his parenting time. But there's no guarantee that he won't.
Talk to an attorney to get an idea of what to expect.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 2893
Loc: Florida
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[quote]Here's the thing, if you move out of state and the courts let you, your children will have extended periods of time ALONE with their father. Unless you can prove that he abuses them or neglects them (and the courts aren't going to take your work for it, they want hard evidence), you won't be able to stop it.
Personally, given what you posted, I wouldn't move. He's less likely to abuse them being an EOW father as he won't have to deal with them for long periods of time. Like he will with a long-distance parenting plan.
And if he goes long periods of not seeing them, then you may be able to move and he may not excercise his parenting time. But there's no guarantee that he won't.
Talk to an attorney to get an idea of what to expect. [/quote]
I moved from MI... and I face a lot of issues like what you and Jada speak of.
As for EOE visitation, one of three things will probably happen...he will try to use the kids against you and only tolerate them for a short time then stop taking them, or he will take them and not tolerate them which means you will get documentation needed to ask for supervised visits (this will take forever) or he will at very least become a mediocre father and start taking care of his children as he should.
Make a plan in case he gets violent...tell neighbors, friends and family and ask that they look out for you. Be cautious but realize that he does have rights as a father to see these kids.
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Baby #5 on the way
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crusadermom4life
New
Reged: 02/22/08
Posts: 3
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thanks jada and mistake#2 (i like that nickname!)
your input has been very valuable to me. things are just not good here at home. i know they should see him, but he has been pretty much "invisible" when it comes to the kids. it's sad too.
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