Divorce Support Forums: now it's hitting the fan...maybe it's started

I know the Tivo is for her enjoyment. But it's joint funds that are being spent on it (oh, by the way, JBar is right about one thing, it has to be spent for marital purposes... so a divorce lawyer retainer on credit si NOT going to be a joint debt that she has to share in paying, but miscellaneous $5K on your credit card for expenses of living, she WILL have to pay part of.

Here's the problem... that $5K on your credit card will be more than offset by the debt SHE runs up to support herself if she moves out and gets someone to give her credit for support rather than learning to live within her means. If there si a credit card in her name with starbucks & grocery bills and etc., that WILL be marital purposes and You WILL be stuck with it... because one marital purpose is to support the parties, put a roof over their heads, etc.

I'm kind of getting the idea that you agreed to pay for the house and utilities and she would use her social security to pay for food and fun, and so that's great as long as the two of you are together and your fun equals her fun and your FUNDS support the basic utility needs, but they DON"T any longer ... the Tivo is still in the house even though the house is too cold for her.

You need to re-arrange your thinking about this and EITHER re-negotiate your agreement between teh two fo you on how your money is used to support yourselves OR you need to approach every discussion with the jduge with the explanation tht the Tivo is hers, she pays for it, and she CHOOSES to pay for that rather than to help you with the heating bills. THAT would be a reasonable way to explain it.

But of course to prove that you are being truthful about it, it would help if you INFORMED your wife that this is the choice being made. If she complains about being cold and asks for the heating pad, tell her that you are more than willing to turn the heat in the house up if she will help pay for it. When she says seh can't afford it, just explain that the Tivo and cable bills are unnecessary (I KNOW, you don't WANT to give them up. PLEASE understand that this is just a bluff!) ENCOURAGE her to turn the heat up if she is all that cold.

You dont' seem to understand that you're fighting an uphill battle if you START with a woman who says that you, the husband, are neglectful of her daughter. No one will care that she's a dirty old woman who goes to gamble & doesn't want to go to the emergency room with you. They'll hear her side of the story and ...

Look, it's just a whole lot BETTER if you'r elooking for ways to set things up to your advantage (and not by selling the hous eand moving out of the country), if you TRY to keep your nose squeaky clean.