What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 760
Loc: PA
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got home today to find MIL came from 250 miles away for a surprise visit. Had an appt so had to turn around and go right out but called my mom to inform her of such since she just talked to my wife on the phone. Well here i find out that my wife told my mom that her mom would be coming out 'this week' but not to tell me. I did talk to my mom briefly last night after that but for whatever reason she didnt tell me. Also my mom was told about all the friends i've been going out with but DUH she already knew i actually was getting a life :) So while i dont know what all was said i'm sure it was said with malice
confronted wife in private and she said she never told my mom about coming this week (her mom) so she called my mom a liar. Obviously i'm gonnna tell my mom never to talk to her again under any circumstance.
when asked, my wife says could be a week or so that her mom is here. I let her know my displeasure of course. She knows i dont like surprises. well the house is a mess and i'm glad it is..she can see how bad her daughter keeps the house...
funny thing is neither know i'm off work tomorrow because of repair guy coming to the house and since her mom didnt think to tell us she was coming, i dont think i'll tell her about me staying home tomorrow :)
talked to my therapy dude about that and he thought it was interesting. I said id love to tell her mom about her drug abuse and other things and he said go ahead. So we shall see where this goes...wish she would take her daughter home with her! lol
so after her mom finally goes it sure is gonna get interesting around here...but so far i have a week from hell to look forward too..
at least my wife will have someone to talk to about the tv since i ignore her lol....
and i asked my wife why she goes in the kitchen to smoke but makes me smell it...she said dont start with me now..my mom has emphysema. So i guess when i get it, she will not smoke around me :)
it's also really weird, and i forget she did this, but her mom will look back here ever 2-3 minutes when she watches tv..its weird...doesnt say anything but just looks around. I noticed her one sis did that too so i guess runs in the family
so check back here often for a blog of the activities on
As the World Turns
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5141
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Now be careful not to trash your wife, but do explain that youv'e been more & more worried about her health as she smokes more, has fallen several times, the docs can't find anything but she keeps gonig back for pain medications and then saves them up to double up on the dosage, goes through entirely unmedicated times just so she can get the over-medicated opportunities. Explain that you're at your wit's end, wishing she'd just TRY, and you're doing all the working, earning, shopping, and caring for her... and as a full time caregiver AND full time breadwinner you'd sure love it if some of her family could make take the burden off from tiem to time.
Explain that you don't want ot say bad thingsa bout her, but you're at your wit's end frustrated and worried about her heath, and this paranoid stuff like inviting HER over for a week without telling you, it's kind of worrysome. I mean, you didn't even have the chance to clean or ... well, you've got workmen coming over & such.
And if your wife doesn't find a way to contribute something you see no way out other than to separate for good.
Tell her to watch her daughter & see for herself, the smoking, the refusal do help even in tiny ways around the house, the stockpiling of pills so she can get intoxicated half the time rather than simply lower her pain all of the time. And explain that you're not sure you are ready to do anything about it right now, but any suggestions would be welcome. At the moment, though, all you can think of is a trial separation... you've not had enough time or space to think about it, so that's waht you've come up with as the only reasonable option that you can envision. But of course the longer this goes on, the worse it gets, you feel like you're living in prision and at some point you're just going to want OUT.
Explain that you loved her so much at one point that it is killing you to watch her like this, but you have come to realize that you are not the right person to fix her, and you don't know what the solution is, but sitting here at home is not the solution.
I know you might not have this kind of relationship with your mother in law, but it's possible if you have your last ditch effort to save the marriage and make it bearable with her knowledge, at least she won't try to help her daughter pull AS MANY dirty tricks once the divore gets underway.
My husband's former inlaws all can't stand his ex, but he never explained to them what was going on, so when he finally left, she was able to blame the whole weirdness and nastiness that she'd shown for the past 2 decades all on him... and they bought it rather than admit that their own flesh & blood is really that nasty. Now, over time, the brothers & sisters have started to remember that the woman was ALWAYS like this, even before she met my husband, and they'd grown up with her acting nasty & weird... but the mother, she will probably never admit that her baby is like this becasue she raised her this way, so it's ALWAYS going to be my h usband's fault.
NOW, if he'd taken advantage of the fact that they kind of liked him better than her, before the separation, and had talked to them & explained stuff like it's not the way they raised her, it's the way she turned out NOW... and no one's fault, etc., etc... well, he'd hav ehad a chance.
It's important that the mother not think it has anything to do with the way she was raised... and nothing to do with anything you did to her... but that you're trying to HELP resolve the issues that were created by outside forces several years ago, and it's not working.
It might work, if she's not totally poisoned them against you.
What happened to my husband for not innoculating them against this, is that they all started conspiring to help his ex do hte wrong thing, they talked about divorce issues in front of the kids as i fit was all Dad's fault, for exmaple, and they told neighbors & acquaintances what a jerk he was... being at the wrong end of a nasty gossip campaign is NOT fun! and things ended up happening that in the end made his position not so good.
Don't let this happen to you. EVEN if you don't have this kind of relationship with the mother-in-law, consider finding a way to communicate this stuff to her.
NOTHING about the money... EVERYTHING about the pressure, the pain, the stress, the not having a day off and finally having to TAKE a day off from caretaking just to go find friends & do something other than watch TV all the time... EVERYTHING about how you feel so bad that she's always in pain but frustrated that you can't do anything about it and she doesn't even try, and EVERYTHING about how it's all the fault of some nasty event that no one could ahve prevented and ertainly Mama is not to blame. NOTHING about the money! OK?
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2728
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"it's also really weird, and i forget she did this, but her mom will look back here ever 2-3 minutes when she watches tv..its weird...doesnt say anything but just looks around. I noticed her one sis did that too so i guess runs in the family"
In-breeding..................I'm sorry I couldn't resist. You seem to have an edge about you now. Bout time I'm thinkin'.
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 760
Loc: PA
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well last night when wife left room said i'm worried about her to her mom. About her back all burnt up from her heating pad, about her doubling up on her patches, and just am worried. Then she started in about nutrasweet being bad for her etc.
i'm home today for a service guy to come and didnt tell her until i went to bed last night and i dont think her mom knew until this morning. Oops and her mom had to sleep on the sofa since i didnt have time to clean out the upstairs since i had NO warning she was coming. aww too bad so sad. Until they ask me i may not clean up the room. Then again taht means rest of the week i have to run into her mom on the sofa when i get up for work etc. And that isnt a fun thing so i may go clean the bed off for MY own sanity of not having to see her in the AM
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5141
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Be good to Mom. Keep pointing out stuff you're worried about. Tell wife, in front of Mom, in the most loving and caring way, that you just don't know what to do, what with her taking $15,000 from the accounts (how much you wanna bet that Mom doesn't know about all this?), refusing to lift a finger or follow doctor's orders. Make certain you don't take a break this week. Show how much pure WORK it is just to keep her maintained and run back & forth to the store & kitchen & do her laundry and stuff.
Demonstrate for MOM that anyone, even a saint, would break under this pressure.
She doesn't have to know from YOU that you ALREADY broke... just let her figure out for herself that you're not being mean when the time comes that she sees that you did break... but make this week all about how caring and how much you tried.
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 760
Loc: PA
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moms the one that told her to move the money, she already told me that. But mom didnt knwo about her doubling up on patches and if i really get in a mean mood i may tell her that my wife tried to kill herself multiple times over the past 10 years and thats part of the reason i never wanted to leave her before. But now she seemed stable enough to leave
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5141
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Please don't talk about the leaving right now. Talk to MOM about the staying. She needs to be brought into this to understand why you are leaving rather than think you're a bad guy. The suicide attempts might be worth letting her know about in a "well, if she ends up with you, you might need to knwo about this" and it will also give you an opening to discuss the stockpiling of medications & mis-use of it... just so she knows what to watch out for.
She needs to see you as the person who has tried to help her daugther through this so that she does not become a virulent hater of you during the split. My husband found that having the family NOT know the whole story, having them believe the ex that he is a total jerk/abusive/cheater ... made things harder... she simply had more support, more ways to attack him, and she FELT she had the upper hand in a lot of ways, which was not a good way to get reasonable negotiations done. She never agreed to a single thing, partly (I'm sure) becasue she's simply not capable of negotiation because of her own mental disorder, but also partly because the family was egging her on in the background and encouraging her to think that she was right on some of this stuff. Of course, they hadn't heard the whole story, and teh judge heard more of it than they heard, so she did NOT get the stuff that they might have THOUGHT she should get... and of course they all think the court system gave her the shaft...
But my hsuband wasn't holding his breath & hoping for her to give up more than what the court would say is her fair share, like you might be hoping for. My husband was SIMPLY hoping she'd stop the war and come to a reasonable agreement before they spent $100,000 of their joint funds on lawyers' fees and turned the kids into basket cases... and because she had the TOTAL and BLIND support of her family she never DID stop the war and come to her senses or a reasonable agreement, so between them they spent huge amounts of money that could have gone to either of them of be split, on legal fees... and the kids are on very weird paths... being set up for some strange financial problems in adulthood... Long story, weird issues, not worth dealing with right not... but you see my point?
If you at least make yourself a little sympathetic to the mother, make her understand how you came to this decision, bring her along to understand... then even though she will support her daughter, she might NOT advise more dirty tricks like stealing & hiding more money... she might NOT advise refusing to negotiate (like my husband's ex's family maybe did)... she might encourage her daughter to fight harder and demand more than ... well, then your wife would fight or demand... becasue your WIFE knows what part she has had to play in this breakup and she KNOWS that she's not been the perfect little victim... so on her own she might leave you with more than if her family would advise if they believe her to be a totally innocent little injury patient.
Are you getting me here? I'm trying to say STAY AWAY from your new friends, BE VERY PRESENT in the house this week... be the DOTING care-taker/husband... and show this mother that you are not the cheating ogre that you've been made out to be... you are NOT the person who deserves to have had someone advise that $15K be stolen from the accounts, because you were just trying to do the right thing and now without that $15K, there's no way to fix up the house to sell so that there is ZERO equity to split and if this is what her daughter wants to keep, then fine... but she can't get the house or any part of what seh THINKS it's worth, because it's worth NOTHING if you can't sell it and you can't sell it because of what she stole from the joint accounts... and by believing her baby that you are an ogre and advising her baby to steal this money, she might have been shooting her baby in the foot...
it's a tough concept to get and she has to be brought to it slowly, to be able to draw the conclusion on her own rather than have you tell her about it flat-out... becasue you are now the enemy and anything you SAY is suspicious... what you DO... however, is VITAL.
For ONE WEEK... keep your nose really clean, dote, caretake, be the good guy.. prove that you're not deserving of someone playing dirty tricks on... that you don't deserve mom & sis ganging up on you and advising wife of all kinds of dirty tricks to play.
This is one week out of your life, and could become a VERY important week.
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 760
Loc: PA
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oh i wont be seeing a friend until monday and heard she will be leaving by then....i heard she asked a friend in the area for an atty so hopefully my wife will go see one this week.
i've come to a decision not to even talk about the D unless it gets brought up to me
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3257
Loc: Florida
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Ever think that the mom is there to bring her to the attorney?
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 760
Loc: PA
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nope and the reason i think that is
1. after prodding my wife told me that 2 sources hadnt come thru with attys
2 since the mom just called to find one now, instead of already having it planned out, the reason for the trip wasnt explicitly to find atty....but of course i'm glad it turns out that she is trying.
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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jbar
Platinum
Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 1066
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I'm still afraid that, given your trusting nature and obvious willingness to "do the right thing" you will end up paying her medical bills, alimony, and the charges of a separate "Guardian ad Litum" to "see after her best interests" (sounds like a "disabling" mental illness could run in the family). This lawyer would then simply bill you for his hours, as well as would the divorce attorney he hires to represent your wife, and you would have no choice but to pay them both--whatever the bills say.
Do us both a favor, and at least keep a valid passport and a few thousand (Euros) in gold available at all times. "Bullion" jewelry is safer than coins, for example, as it can be conveniently worn normally. Sell it only at the most reputable local dealer and expect to pay an assay charge. Diamonds can be molded into shoe heels and currency can be folded and laminated into the full soles.
If you wait until there is a TRO on your accounts and you have to kiss the judge's a-- just to get the funds to pay your light bill, it is ALL OVER!
Edited by jbar (03/05/08 04:24 AM)
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3257
Loc: Florida
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[quote]Do us both a favor, and at least keep a valid passport and a few thousand (Euros) in gold available at all times. "Bullion" jewelry is safer than coins, for example, as it can be conveniently worn normally. Sell it only at the most reputable local dealer and expect to pay an assay charge. Diamonds can be molded into shoe heels and currency can be folded and laminated into the full soles.
[/quote]
Plan on running away with him JBar?
You'd be there right next to all the Scott Petersons in this world who murder their wives & try to hide out before making a run for it...I hope this poster, nor anyone else here, doesn't take your suggestion seriosly. Its clearly a mental disease/disorder thats clouding YOUR judgement & morals.
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 760
Loc: PA
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[quote][quote]
[/quote]
Plan on running away with him JBar? [/quote]
oh dont worry, i ignore advice like that :) plus he must have missed the part where i'm gonna fight to keep my castle :) I aint going nowhere.
Though i am curious why he doesnt take his own advice and do what he advised me to.
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3257
Loc: Florida
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[quote]Though i am curious why he doesnt take his own advice and do what he advised me to. [/quote]
He has no money and can't collect a disability check on the run...plus then he wouldn't be able to complain about how he's being wronged.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5141
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Actually, I'm kind of amused at this one. He's clearly been sitting at home watching too many old James Bond movies. Laminating currency into the soles of your shoes? Hiding diamonds in little niches in your shoe heels?
Kiddies, can you say "Paranoid"? You'd think a divorce was the holocost. Next he'll be advising that people purchase the old masters paintings and sewing them into the lining of their clothing as a way of hiding assets from their spouse!
Sorry WWIL... you only have three assets, you want to keep all three (house, driving car, and dream car) and it's kind of hard to hide any of them!... no Swiss or Cayman Island hideaway for a dream car... no sewing a house into the lining of your clothing. He must not have read a thing about you before deciding to jump into your thread & answer your questions.
But then again, he's never been known for doing that... the self-involvement that is associated with paranoia probably prevents him from being able to see that different people ahve different situations for which his own advise would maybe be harmful to them.
As fun as it is to watch him decompensate sometimes, he's been really off his meds more than usually recently, it seems. I mean... REALLY... laminating cash into the soles of your shoes? EEEK!!!
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 760
Loc: PA
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can we swear on here: %^&*(*&%$^&*()(*&^%$%^&*((*&^%^&*()*&^
ok here's how the weekend is going so far...forgive the crappy grammar and editing since i just emailed it to a friend and had to change the names to protect the innocent
why did i need to hear that the sandwich that her mom at 1/2 hour ago was coming thru and she needed to hit the throne? like i need to hear that shat. then wife stopped tivo and headed to the bathroom and her mom said 'is the chinese working thru' ...they went yesterday...she must have some fetish with bathroom and talking about where she goes and why she is going...&&&&&& nuts!
and now she just accuses me of lowering the heat..last night i upped it 2 degrees..but it's on auto and lowered overnight....and i didn't lower it!!..it's on auto...the batch...we just had a nice big fight while wife was out of the room...i told her i didnt lower it, it automatically lowers...and she is wrong for accusing me...then she gets into it about me not helping wife etc..she said she cant wait for us to be D and wishes she could help wife hate me but wife cares about me....and i said i care about her..then she went into this long thing about me not helping close car doors and walking her to the car and shat like that...then said with house as cluttered as mine no wonder wife is depressed, i said most of the stuff on sofa is from other sofa cushion and then her computer and other stuff...and also stuff in dining room is from her packing to go...she said why start now, i said will take months to do so why not start it now...i said also if you told me you were coming we'd know and i could have cleaned up..she said she iddnt know needs an invitation and i said now you know...even wife doesnt like your surprises. So she said she now will call when she leaves home (yea right). Then said she is over medicated so thats why shes in bad shape and kept saying that some people just arent cut out to take care of invalids..i said well she wont quit smoking, she wont reduce her meds, she wont change doctors, wont try at all to help herself. I said what should i do, take away her pills...and as far as going out i explained that we told the therpist that im tired of asking her out and getting rejected and so i told wife to tell me when she is able to go out and we will go out..i said what should i do, force her out when she is sick? And you see her life is tv and i hate it but what can i do? So yea i sit here on computer so at least im here with her
get this..she said if i go out with my women i shouldn't tell wife where i go or what fun i have and should keep it discrete, i said first off they are only friends and 2nd off i think its' rude to not tell her where i am going or what i am doing. But hell now i can tell wife i'm going out and her mom said i shouldnt tell you with who or where i am going so i will NOT tell her anymore what i'm doing. If thats how it's supposed to be. i said she is discounting all i did in the past and she said no i'm not, but you need to encourage her. i said i cant force her to do anything and she's obviously just repeating what wife parroted to her.
her mom said she is here and will be coming to check on wife and that she will check up and see if 65 degrees is a safe temperature for her daughter to be sitting in. She then offered to pay for the extra heat while she is here but i sure wouldnt touch her money since she doesnt wash her hands. ick. But the thing about how i intentionally set the heat down pissed me off. I siad it's automatic and i havent touched it since yesterday. i said i told you i have an automatic thermostat and you even bought one since i said it was so good so i dont know how you can say that it changed it automatically.
she said that when i sit here talking to other women online its disrespectful and i said sitting here watching tv is boring for me but i think it's good im in the room with her at least. She disagreed. Then she said wife needs to find things to do and thats when i said hey, when she got the computer, i told her to use it and asked every day if she did, she told me she will do it when she is good and ready..so i stopped asking....and about cigs, i said i used to beg wife to quit but everytime i mentioned it wife said she isnt ready and reset the quitting clock...i said i would do anything, take her anywhere etc but she needs to take responsibility for asking me. I admitted i'm done asking because i cant take the continual suggestion
her continually saying i cant handle takign care of wife pissed me off but at least now she knows i cant, for whatever reason, and sees its better to get her out of here. Also she mentioned about the mold and i reminded her of the cig smoke too. At least she brought her own water so didnt blame that on me this time that she has to run to the bathroom so much. . she said when enter the house it smells and does something to her...and probably wife...so i said well maybe its good she gets out of here too. She kept saying she ddint show up to make trouble but just to montior wife and her well being..i said hey i'm doing everytihng i'm supposed to be doing here and stuff i've always done..she said that's because you have to and i said no its because i want to. Plus i dont see a thing what she did this week to help wife along the leaving process. At least with the house such a mess and all the issues maybe even she will agree there is no equity in it lol. I was glad i got to speak my piece to her and who knows, may even get to anymore. But her attempt to make her kid look like she is an angel didnt work with me. She really appeared to not know half the stuff that went on here. So i had to tell her. The smoking, refusal to try anything etc just has me at wits end. She said you cant force someone to quit smoking etc. oh get this, her mom just said she iddnt want wife to go to rite aid with her because she cant carry her wheelchair anymore..welcome to my world..she said it was PITA to take it in an out. I'm thikning lady, i do this all the time and what nerve to batch that i'm not taking care of wife when you just complained about doing something for your own kid. Of course she will complain that i didnt go to offer but i dont want to let her down that i 'dont care' about her daughter. Why not reinforce what she believes?
there may be more but thats it for now
i dotn know if wife heard a lot of this but assured ill tell her later on ...its obvious wife tells her only the bad not the good.
UGH
the mom hates to drive so i dont think visits will be all that frequent to be honest and i know she is bored stiff out here...she talks tough but wont put up like that. Plus her other kid is moving in with her in a month..do i think she will let them all alone back home since he is her favorite? NAH
oh and i told her that wife overmedicates on 2x the patches and that is not right...she said that is taken care of now but didnt say how..just that she is down to one patch.
the way i have to look at all this is that her mom really has no clue what my life is like and she probably isnt looking forward to having to help her out in the future. Although for her not liking her mom and her mom saying last year that they dont get along, they sure are lovely dovey this week. So i can tell my wife looks like you guys do get along and you will be ok
o she brought up about me not having any male friends and i said i never did since day one so wife knows that and the fact that wife has no friends isnt my fault, i want a life...and she said well thats part of the problem
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 760
Loc: PA
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told her mom how wife almost burned down her chair, herself and the house and showed her the remote control..darn cigs....how its burned...i should have told her how wife tried killing herself a few times and also the shock treatments she held from her mom last year..she still doenst know about them
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 760
Loc: PA
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its great how her mom stayed with her dad after teh stroke but her dad WANTED to get better..my wife doesnt...and my wife wont even quit smoking with her dad having died from stroke, her sister having stroke etc all quitting. Even the boyfriend is quitting. But yet wife sits here smoking up a storm, i said this is path to destruction and i will not sit here and watch her die
her mom told me my wife looks the best she ever did..that shows you how clueless she is. Shes the worst she ever had been.
oh one good thing, when her mom complained about all our clutter, she said 95% of it is mine...so i guess there really isnt anything to fight over right?
i told her mom about smoking too...she smokes in the kitchen for her mom but not for me.... i said that shows how much she cares about me...she likes her more and doesnt care about my health!
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5141
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Let's see... the house is a trash heap full of clutter that is your own family's heirlooms, and has so much mold that it's not healthy to even spend the night? if she claims it shoudl be sold and split, remind her that her mother even says that the house is a health hazard. If you put it on the market and get even one evaluation that it has mold, you might be forced to vacate and put 10s of thousands into cleanup before selling at a loss.
I wish you'd sucked up to Mom a bit more, but at least Mom Did get to see the way her daughte ris so dependent and even mom doesn't want to take care of her, moving the wheelchair around is too much of a bother, etc. I'll bet she had a few little harsh talks with daughter while you weren't around or else she'd not believe she'd solved the 2 patch issue.
You maybe want to consider renting a room to your stbx for the price of what your spousal maintenance could be, and that way you could get the ball rolling on teh 2 year uncontested divorce timeline while letting her work on getting out on her own timeline.
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MommaMia
Platinum
Reged: 02/17/07
Posts: 376
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[quote][quote]Though i am curious why he doesnt take his own advice and do what he advised me to. [/quote]
He has no money and can't collect a disability check on the run...plus then he wouldn't be able to complain about how he's being wronged. [/quote]
That is so freakin funny!
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jbar
Platinum
Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 1066
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[quote]Do us both a favor, and at least keep a valid passport and a few thousand (Euros) in gold available at all times. "Bullion" jewelry is safer than coins, for example, as it can be conveniently worn normally. Sell it only at the most reputable local dealer and expect to pay an assay charge. Diamonds can be molded into shoe heels and currency can be folded and laminated into the full soles.
[/quote]
Plan on running away with him JBar?
You'd be there right next to all the Scott Petersons in this world who murder their wives & try to hide out before making a run for it...I hope this poster, nor anyone else here, doesn't take your suggestion seriosly. Its clearly a mental disease/disorder thats clouding YOUR judgement & morals
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Any first-year law student knows that there are two kinds of "crime": (1) behaviour prohibited by "objective" law, such as that of Scott Peterson, et al., and (2) that condemned by "subjective" law such as acts or behaviour which are legal in one jurisdiction and not in another, those which may or may not be crimes depending on the skillfulnes of the arguments of attorneys, that proscribed by purely arbitrary statute and case rulings, the rationale for which cannot be clearly explained (such as the age of majority in "statutory rape" cases), etc. The financial rape of men, in divorce, is a perfect example of the application of subjective law. There are many examples of such previously existing, subjective and unjust law in this country, which have been overuled by Supreme Court decisions, such as segregation, gender discrimination, the California law which provided that the income of the seperated female party to a marriage was separate property but the man's income remained community property, etc., etc.
When someone is the victim of such law--which has NOT YET been properly stricken down by the courts--such as the clear violation of the 5th and 14th amendments to the U.S. Constitution, which the arbitrary confiscation of the man's property in a divorce always consists of, the victim ALWAYS has the right--ney, the responsibility--to engage in whatever CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE is necessary to effectively reject and negate the law or laws involved.
"What will I lose" entered into NO CONTRACT to take care of his wife forever, just because he may have been enfatuated with her enough at some point in time to have married her. And the correct response to his user name is, "He can lose everything, including his castle!" Or he can reject the laws which would have this result, cast the demons who control and implement the whole anti-male system of marriage and divorce in this country out of his life, and make the same sacrifice that other fighters for justice have made in the past, and whom are now viewed as civil rights heroes and visionaries!
As far as the reason that I have not yet followed my own advice, and left the country, the answer is that I have, for the time being, taken other steps to protect myself. Since no strategy, in protecting yourself from victimization is 100% reliable, I know that I may nonetheless someday meet "What will I lose" somewhere overseas, along with thousands of other American men who were victims of divorce law, and who were--like Jews escaping from Germany in the '30's--given no choice but to become expatriots.
Edited by jbar (03/10/08 01:40 AM)
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3257
Loc: Florida
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[quote]===========================================================
[quote]Do us both a favor, and at least keep a valid passport and a few thousand (Euros) in gold available at all times. "Bullion" jewelry is safer than coins, for example, as it can be conveniently worn normally. Sell it only at the most reputable local dealer and expect to pay an assay charge. Diamonds can be molded into shoe heels and currency can be folded and laminated into the full soles.
[/quote]
Plan on running away with him JBar?
...I hope this poster, nor anyone else here, doesn't take your suggestion seriosly. Its clearly a mental disease/disorder thats clouding YOUR judgement & morals
===========================================================
Any first-year law student knows that there are two kinds of "crime": (1) behaviour prohibited by "objective" law, such as that of Scott Peterson, et al., and (2) that condemned by "subjective" law such as acts or behaviour which are legal in one jurisdiction and not in another,
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
***Anyone with half a brain would realize your "thinking" is skewed and should be able to spell infatuated correctly as well. Maybe you should have taken some spelling lessons along with your "law" degree.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++I know that I may nonetheless someday meet "What will I lose" somewhere overseas, along with thousands of other American men who were victims of divorce law, and who were--like Jews escaping from Germany in the '30's--given no choice but to become expatriots. [/quote]
**So you do hope to run away with WWIL...now we know the true reason why JBAR's marriage hasn't worked (well besides the obvious that he's mental) he's come out of the closet.
Comparing yourself now with the jews...I guess us women are the nazi's.
Keeping typing JBAR, the more you type the more ridiculous you appear.
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boothby171
Platinum
Reged: 03/14/06
Posts: 1392
Loc: NY
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My goodness!
jbar has invoked Godwin's Law, and we just got to page 2.
In accordance with Godwin's Law, this thread is now closed.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law
"...for example, there is a tradition in many newsgroups and other Internet discussion forums that once such a comparison is made, the thread is finished and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically "lost" whatever debate was in progress. This principle is itself frequently referred to as Godwin's Law."
Nice work, jbar.
--------------------
--Boothby
My goal: Once a day, make someone laugh so hard that their soda comes out their nose
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jbar
Platinum
Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 1066
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Mistake, you must be pulling my leg. Surely you don't really MEAN the moronic, preposterous, infantile statements you made. I'm not going to accept your desperate criticism of my spelling, as serious, presented as it is within a complete vacuum of any real, meaningful thought and in an informal, casual venue like this.
Your allusion to my being homosexual reminds me of the kind of pathetic stupidity that used to be heard on certain Saturday night TV programming written by uneducated, doped up, drunk hacks who only wanted to keep writing long enough to get that next fat paycheck so they could stuff it up their noses. If you really have that many kids, I hope that you will try to exercise a little more thought, maturity and responsibility in your dealings with them than you have with me and the other readers of this forum.
Boothby, I take your ridiculous comments in the jovial manner in which they are intended. It's amazing, the way that on the internet, if you search long enough you can find a "law" to validate even the very most vacuous theorys and "thought". This entry really helps us to understand the utterly NON-AUTHORITATIVE nature of "Wikipedia" and the way in which it too often, through improper use of English, conveys the false impression that pure apochrypha, "belief", tradition, myth and legend are somehow not only truth, but a "law"! I will let the membership determine if this thread is now "closed", and the totally uncredentialed fool who wrote that Wikipedia entry--along with Godwin himself--can go to blazes!
Edited by jbar (03/11/08 01:01 AM)
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 760
Loc: PA
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[quote]Let's see... the house is a trash heap full of clutter that is your own family's heirlooms, and has so much mold that it's not healthy to even spend the night? if she claims it shoudl be sold and split, remind her that her mother even says that the house is a health hazard. If you put it on the market and get even one evaluation that it has mold, you might be forced to vacate and put 10s of thousands into cleanup before selling at a loss.
I wish you'd sucked up to Mom a bit more, but at least Mom Did get to see the way her daughte ris so dependent and even mom doesn't want to take care of her, moving the wheelchair around is too much of a bother, etc. I'll bet she had a few little harsh talks with daughter while you weren't around or else she'd not believe she'd solved the 2 patch issue.
You maybe want to consider renting a room to your stbx for the price of what your spousal maintenance could be, and that way you could get the ball rolling on teh 2 year uncontested divorce timeline while letting her work on getting out on her own timeline. [/quote]
so much has happened..which is why i havent been on here. I will try to be brief but wont succeed.
While it wasnt part of my master plan, you are right that i would take pleasure in her own mom saying the place is unhealthy because it may get her out of here sooner. I hadnt though about forced vacating but hope doesnt come to that. At least it would kill my value though (half teasing statement). And yes i cant wait to tell wife 95% of the clutter is mine so she can rent a tiny uhaul to take her stuff out. Suck up to mom...HA you must know me by now. I dont do that especially to someone i dont like. I'd rather be true to myself and deal with the fallout and i did. I just wish i would have said more to be honest. LIke how her one day with wheelchair killed her...DUH i do that every time we go out. Also last night my wife got really sick (i was really sick sunday) so i said we gotta go to the ER. Well get this. Her mom wasnt PLANNING to go with us. I said you ARE going with us arent you? Then she said wasnt planning but will.
so what kind of mom preaches that her SIL is doing so crappy a job but they wont even call for an ambulance (i didnt mind) nor want to even go WITH her own child to the ER? And all night while wife was sick she came into the bedroom and said she was worried about her. but then after a while said 'honey, i'm falling asleep out there and may not hear you so hopefully WWIL will take care of you'
so she had to get her digs in even then. Plus i know my wife does NOT like to be comforted while puking,she likes to be alone but her mom kept going in the bathroom and i know my wife hated it but never said a thing. And get this, i assumed her mom would stay the rest of the week. Fine the woman is ill and it's great her mom will be there to take care of her. So i said this mornign i'm going to work but call on cell if need me. then wife told me her mom IS still going home today as planned. Talk about floored! holy crap. her girl gets out of the ER and is puking 4 hours straight and her mom is leaving her???? What the heck is that? her excuse was , and this is an honest quote "i want to make it home before i get the bug, which will probably hit tomorrow"
well my belief is the fact the mom is constantly picking out her dentures, licking them, putting her hand down her pants doing who knows what, and never washing her hands in the bathroom all contributed to her infecting our house. But i cant prove it. I'm very resistant to most everything and never get sick. So for wife and me to be sick has almost never happened. The dr said food poisoning but wrote down gastroenteritis (or whatever) and so could be flu i guess. But i went entire week without eating any food made by her mom but i guess all the other surfaces we touched were bad now that i think about it. So ill go home at lunch and take care of my wife since her mom wont. How terrible a mother after all that preachy. though if she got sick too it would be bad for me so its best she is gone
while i was literally in bed all sunday i did hear my wife crying out there and when i asked her what was wrong she said her pain...and other things..but never told me what..no doubt her mom peed her off.
now i have to let my wife heal a bit then question her about all her mom told her and hope she tells me stuff like if she saw an atty etc. Of course ill point out this mother who 'has her best interest' at heart is the same mom that will NOT take her daughter in even to collect her SSD money! How sad is that.
I also thought about telling wife about everything her mom said to me, including that she cant wait for the marriage to be dissolved. We know that 99.9% chance i was getting D but her mom sure made that 100%. No way in haydes would i drive 4 hours out there under any circumstance except to dump my wife off at her house for good. Not dealing with her family will make this worth the price alone. Oh and her mom tried to deflect taht she had anything to do with wife being sick. "i ate 1/2 the burger she did, it must have been from the sandwich shop we all ate from last week"
Um NO...if you eat bad food you get sick right away not FIVE days afterwards! She's all about not blaming herself, pointing the fingers at others..all while carrying around all those disgusting germs on her unwashed hands. NO wonder the woman burps at least every 5 minutes no lie...its disgusting and its because she is eating her own filth but she doesnt even realize it!
Ok that was brief right? told you i couldntn do it. now to get home and clorox the entire h | |
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