gad982000
New
Reged: 06/26/06
Posts: 5
Loc: New Hampshire
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My girlfriend and I have been together for about 4yrs we have a very caring loving relationship. She was married to a very abusive alcoholic who physically sexually and verily abused for about 10yrs.He move to another state and filled for divorcé, he was arrested 1 time for domestic but blamed everyone else and says he did nothing, now the divorce and he has told her he will make sure she is broke and living in the streets with there 3 kids, he makes $85,000 grand a year does not pay anything, The problem is she still lets him call the shots do whatever he wants its like the legal system just says OK you’re the man do whatever you want she goes along with it. It puts a lot of pressure on our relationship I try to understand but I don’t think I can, Christmas came and he decided to pay a visit she said you can not stay at the house where do you think he stayed she let it go oh the kids, well on Christmas eve he got drunk grabbed her pushed her on the ground and dislocated her shoulder, She drove herself to the hospital and did nothing no cops no nothing. I don’t know what to do I love her but I do not think he will ever be shut down. It is very sad to see any woman in this spot. If anyone reading this is in a similar position please stand up for what is right for yourself and your kids and get out and fight for your rights.
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EmergeAnew
Platinum
Reged: 02/26/08
Posts: 229
Loc: IL
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It is very very very hard for an abused woman to stop allowing herself to be abused. Even after realizing that you are being abused, it is hard to stop the cycle. Its hard to walk away, and its hard to say NO.
It is very hard to see your way through an abusive situation and stand up for yourself especially against your abuser. Especially when that abuser knows how to push you, knows how to beat you down.
Being able to turn those tides takes a massive amount of growth and strength and support.
Your girlfriend is very lucky to have you on her side, loving her, caring about her, and being there for her with such understanding of what it is like to be abused as she has. You can do so much to help your GF get through this and help her find her strength.
It sounds like her X is just trying to bully her and she is scared becasue that is how he has conditioned her, and he knows just what to say and do to get her feeling that way. Constant reassurance from you of the truth of legal matters will help her feel more confident about her actual position. Eventually she will find the ability to shut him out.
Until then, if you do truly love your GF, be there for her. She needs you.
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You must be the change you wish to see - Mahatma Gandhi
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overwhelmed
Platinum
Reged: 10/13/06
Posts: 1186
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Does she see a counselor or at least have a support group?
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gad982000
New
Reged: 06/26/06
Posts: 5
Loc: New Hampshire
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Thanks for the support EmergeAnew it is very hard I keep trying to be there for her but it has been a long road and we have gone so far.She needs to help herself but it does not seem like she will ever get out of this mess,He will try to controll her now with money that is the type of man he is he is not even a man, to hurt your children and anyone in the path just to get her it is very sad.
Thanks for the support
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gad982000
New
Reged: 06/26/06
Posts: 5
Loc: New Hampshire
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Yes she did it helped a little but now it is the control with money.
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EmergeAnew
Platinum
Reged: 02/26/08
Posts: 229
Loc: IL
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Maybe you could get her to post here. Having the understanding of lots of other people going through the same things helps wonders.
I know it does for me. My X sounds so much like your GFs. Im so sorry for you both. I know how hard it is.
Try to get her to come here. Your a good man for coming here for her and being there for her through all this.
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You must be the change you wish to see - Mahatma Gandhi
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