twinmom
New
Reged: 03/10/08
Posts: 3
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2 weeks ago yesterday my husband of almost-5 months beat me up. It wasn't the first incident of domestic violence and it was surely not going to be the last. We had decided to separate and I was packing my things after coming home from church. I was irritated that his ever-present ex was there and that I felt suffocated with her around. I was packing and put 2 bottles of cleaner in a box and he just flipped and picked me and threw me down the stairs. After I landed he accused me of throwing myself down the stairs to make him look bad. I twisted my knee and was just writhing on the stairs in shock. He came down the stairs and he proceeded to drag me UP the stairs when I wouldn't give him the shirt I was wearing. I walked by him in stupidity and just kind of popped him on the back of the head and that's when he just LOST it. He threw me down on the ground with my hair in his hand and started slamming my head on the ground. I would ask him to stop and he would stop, look at me, and then proceed to slam my head back down on the ground. He did this 3 separate times at 5-6 times a whack, full force. I finally got eye contact with him and begged him to stop. He, at that point, fell to the ground and started begging for my forgiveness. I collapsed once or twice and continued to pack. We were in the kitchen and we were talking about what had just happened and, as per usual, he accused me of being the issue, and I reached up and said "this is how hard I popped you" and BOOM---he smacked me across my ear, I hit back in shock, and then he proceeded to hit me 2 more times. He convinced me I didn't need to see a doctor and that I would be okay and in my stupor-I believed him. The next day I saw my counselor who reminded me that I was worth something, I called the cops, and had a restraining order put in place to protect me and my children. I suffered from a concussion, and although it could never be proven he did it--I lost a baby very early on in a pregnancy.
I'm a mess. I know this is not my fault and I'm glad I filed for divorce but now I'm going through the gamut of emotions---"what did I do wrong?" "I still love him." "We said for better or worse." You name it---I've done it. I'm 31 and also being tested for breast cancer. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Daily.
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overwhelmed
Platinum
Reged: 10/13/06
Posts: 1186
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twinmom - I don't know much about abuse but just wanted to tell you that I'll keep you in my thoughts and hopefully somebody will come along soon who knows more of what to tell you.
I'm glad you got out before anymore damage was done. Keep coming here and posting. Sometimes it helps to get it all out.
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Roana
Gold
Reged: 06/06/07
Posts: 149
Loc: KCMO
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I am very glad that you got out and got a restraining order. You are worth much better than that and nobody does anything to even deserve just a little of what he did to you. It is never okay to lay your hands on someone else. Unless it is self defense.
I wish you nothing but the best and be strong....very strong. Please do dont go back and just think. Right now it is you, but what if it had been one of your children? Does not sound like they could have survived something like that. It is a wonder that you did.
Be strong for yourself and your children.
--------------------
Sharon
One step at a time....
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memyselfandI
New
Reged: 03/11/08
Posts: 16
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I'm a mess. I know this is not my fault and I'm glad I filed for divorce but now I'm going through the gamut of emotions---"what did I do wrong?" "I still love him." "We said for better or worse." You name it---I've done it. I'm 31 and also being tested for breast cancer. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Daily. [/quote]
No this is not your fault and don't let him play his games to try and make you think that it is. You did nothing wrong you are the victim. HE WILL NOT CHANGE - I know that it is hard I have been there and lived that life for 12 years. I stayed because of the kids and I thought he would change. Guess what it has been 10 years now and he is remarried and is doing the same exact thing to his new wife. They don't change.
My suggestion is to sign up for a class - victims of domestic violence. It was free for me and it taught me so much and made me see things in a different light. It really made me see what he was doing to me and my kids. It was such an eye opener. If you stay the violence only gets worse. If you need to talk just post.
I am not a counsler but I am a victim of domestic violence, so I know what you are going thru.
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gad982000
New
Reged: 06/26/06
Posts: 5
Loc: New Hampshire
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twinmom Keep the faith,my girlfriend was married to an abusive alcoholic who cared nothing but himself,she fell into the trap of covering up for him every time he verbally physically sexually abused her.Do not go there,This is not your fault.Any man that raises his hand to a woman should be locked up and punished,thats it end of story.You did nothing wrong.Do not stay get out and take care of you and your kids.You will be a better person,mother and woman for that.
God bless things will work out
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malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 2031
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1. Abusive relationships never get better. They only get worse.
2. No one deserves to be treated the way you have. Your husband's behavior is disgusting and sick. He is an animal.
3. Have faith in yourself and your future. You will have a much better future but you will go through tough times over the next 6 months getting to a better place. Stick with it. It's worth it.
4. Never let him off the hook. Always use the law to help your case and pave the way to the better future you deserve.
5. You will be a good person. Abusers love abusing good people. Get counselling to work through the issues that this abuse has created for you.
6. Create a support network of friends and family around you if you can - you will need them. And get in touch with your nearest Women's Shelter.
7. Above all else, protect your children. Disgusting people who abuse others as your STBX has abused you will harm children too. Protect them by never allowing this man near you or them again.
You have all of our support in this hard time. Stay with the path you have chosen now - it's the right one. And come back here often for support.
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Volsfan65
Bronze
Reged: 04/10/08
Posts: 27
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I want to add something here on the domestic side.
My mom had the same thing happen to her. My stepdad was verbally abusive and physically abusive. My mom's been dead for almost 24 years now.
You did good! People say "it won't happen to me" and I bet my mom even said he'd never go too far with the beatings.
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