jjaann
Bronze
Reged: 03/16/08
Posts: 47
Loc: Virginia
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My husband and I have been married for 29 years. I have been a SAH mom for most of that time. We have four children but they are grown and 2 are still in college. I just have a high school education. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness 2 1/2 years ago. I am on some very serious meds. These meds enable me to walk and function. The meds without insurance cost $1500 a month. Will he be required to somehow keep me insured?
How much spousal support do you think he will have to pay? I am in Virginia. I am confused about that amount. I have read many posts and I think I am reading about 30%.
He seems to be acting very fair but you know that can fall apart in a second. I am living in the family home and he says I can stay there for a year or more depending on how the real estate market is doing. Three of my sons are still living at home.
I am making an appointment for a lawyer right away. But if we are coorperating, I don't want to sink a lot of money into lawyers. We really are broke. I handle the finances and I know!!!!
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2211
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Is your divorce a mutual decision? Who decided to file? I've read many stories, absent abuse or alcoholism, where couples really gave it one last shot, succeeded, and never looked back.
Alimony is a crapshoot. There is not specific time or percentage. Be careful using an attorney. Many go after the other spouse like shark, creating severe anomosity, which is harmful both spouses and children. It is best to come up with a mutual agreement outside of court.
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jjaann
Bronze
Reged: 03/16/08
Posts: 47
Loc: Virginia
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He wants the divorce. He had an affair a year ago. We decided to work on the marriage after the affair but I was the only one working. We had a rocky marriage but I thought we should try but he just couldn't. I don't know if his affair continues but he does have another relationship........WORK. If we don't use a lawyer, how do I make sure I am getting fair treatment?
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2211
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Oh, I would consult with an attorney, but tell them you want a solution that makes it best for everyone, rather than going for the jugular. Some might even tell you they aren't capable of "fair" representation.
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2267
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Where do you live ?
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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29 years with a SAHM with high school education - yes, he'll pay. Even so, you are both going to experience an appreciable drop in your standard of living. This will imply some uncomfortable changes for a self-described "broke" family.
I don't know if he can be forced to provide insurance. Be aware that once you divorce, in most cases you can only retain your coverage temporarily through COBRA. Finding affordable coverage with no job and a pre-existing condition may be a challenge.
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jjaann
Bronze
Reged: 03/16/08
Posts: 47
Loc: Virginia
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I live in Virginia.
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2267
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Will he be required to somehow keep me insured?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Insurance coverage for a divorced spouse can be ordered .
From the Virginia Code :
C. In any proceeding under this title or Title 16.1 or Title 63.2 on the issue of determining child support, the court shall have the authority to order a party to provide health care coverage, as defined in § 63.2-1900, for dependent children if reasonable under all the circumstances and health care coverage for a spouse or former spouse.
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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jjaann
Bronze
Reged: 03/16/08
Posts: 47
Loc: Virginia
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Wow! You're good. Thanks a lot. Well that makes me feel a little better. I am freaking out about the health insurance thing. I will have less income but since I will be moving from the area after the divorce I will do fine financially. This all makes me crazy.
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2211
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There are some potential problems. You said you were a SAH, he had an affair just last year, but you were the only one working as of then, and you have a chronic illness that was diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago.
The problem here (and his attorney will admamently point it out), is that you aren't a SAH as you are still, or were working just a year ago, and even while you have the chronic illness, and making more than him.
With that information, you absolutely need an attorney.
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jjaann
Bronze
Reged: 03/16/08
Posts: 47
Loc: Virginia
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Sorry if it sounds confusing. I really think his affair doesn't even play in to it. I took him back and we were supposed to be working on it. I have worked part-time off and on for the past 8 years. When I was diagnosed with my illness I couldn't work standing on my feet. I worked retail positions. I could though be rehabilitated for some office work. I am currently not working. We have a son (19) who is going through some trouble and I have to get him to all appointments.
One of the sore subjects in our marriage is me not getting the opportunity to work. I was always taking care of everything. My husband worked and all other responsibilities fell to me. My husband has always made all of the money. He has a good job. He was able to pursue his career and advance because he could completely focus on his career. He has accumulated over a year's worth of sick leave because he never took off time with the kids.
Sorry I am just upset. I warn all young women to continue working and not completely give up working
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2461
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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[quote] I warn all young women to continue working and not completely give up working [/quote]
the poor little girls who sit near me in my classes (you know the little 19/20 year old clueless girls who think *I* know what we are supposed to be doing all the time).
anyhow, poor things i tell them this like once every couple weeks...NEVER stop working! at least go part time and keep some kind of degree!
LOL....silly innocent things...when i was their age i too had 'the world is my oyster' stars in my eyes. Sigh..i try...
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taryn.
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siobhan
New
Reged: 03/10/08
Posts: 8
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I live in Virginia and have discussed health insurance (I have epilepsy) and spousal support with my attorney. There are a few things you should know.
First of all, under Virginia law we have "no-fault" divorces in many cases. However, in cases of infidelity -- that actually is a divorce for cause. You actually need to sue him for divorce to get all the appropriate legal protections you need. You need to get to an attorney (judging by the dates -- I really hope you did). Infidelity is a big no-no in Virginia. It changes the dynamic considerably.
"theanswerguy" was right on the money. The court may order your ex to cover you under his insurance policy after the divorce. Or as mentioned, he may increase your spousal support to allow you to buy COBRA (insurance through his company for a limited time, 18-24 months, I think). And it may go beyond that. It's truly up to the judge. But in a divorce for cause, and given the factors you mentioned (duration of the marriage, you being dependent on his insurance during the marriage, your health circumstances) these things will all weigh in your favor.
You need to be aware that you have a very strong case here and not be afraid to tell a lawyer all that has occurred. You taking him back is not relevant when there is infidelity. But you need to divorce him. I'm sorry to sound so adversarial, I know that's not what you want to hear but that is how you will best protect you and your children's legal rights.
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MimiSo
New
Reged: 02/05/08
Posts: 18
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Anyone know about Georgia or New York? How does the court feel about adultery? Or do they not care.
Are military ex-spouses eligible for Cobra?
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jjaann
Bronze
Reged: 03/16/08
Posts: 47
Loc: Virginia
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I am really surprised I thought the adultery thing didn't matter if I took him back and we were "working on it". I wonder whether he still is in the affair because he continued some of the same suspicious activities. The funny thing he does is sneak around with his blackberry. He will even hide under a blanket to do it. That is how he used to contact her before.
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