GivinUp94
New
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 11
Loc: TX
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Do you think it is right for a married man to receive text messages from single women? Supposedly, these are all only "friend" type of conversations. I, mean he has a logical explanation for everything but swears he is not doing anything. I on the other hand, was not born yesterday. He may not be physically cheating but to actually have these womens phone numbers is some type of cheating in my opinion. What do you think? Am i crazy or just jealous?
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2210
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Txt messages don't neccessarily mean someone is cheating, but if they aren't work related, then they are creating a risk for cheating, or they could be providing emotional support for him.....neither is good for a married person.
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GivinUp94
New
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 11
Loc: TX
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It's with his coworkers and they are not work related. One of them mentioned something about sex but he replied that he was only looking to be a friend. Realistically, I am thinking a married man should not be conversating with single women and getting pictures of them at the club. I just see this as one of those situations in which you are asking for something to happen...point being me using his phone (we have identical phones) and seeing all these texts with these women I know nothing about.
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ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 398
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I recieve texts and phone callse from "guy" friends. Single, married and otherwise. My myspace has comments from my guy friends. Some my husband knows some he doesn't. He has phone numbers of women I know and some I don't. His myspace has messages from women I have never met. Granted none have been inappropriate. The thing is, I trust my husband. We went to different highschools and have different friends. I work wil all guys. One guy in particular we are more like brother and sister. We cut up and carry on to the point of getting on people's nerves. We talk about any and everything. My husband knows this man and we've all gone out clubbing and stuff together. That being said, you know your man. You know what your gut says.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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If he's not having or contemplating an affair, your mistrust of him is going to mess up your marriage. If he is having an affair then its too late. If he's consciously or unconsciously contemplating an affair, pecking him back into line may keep things in check. For the long-term health of your marriage you really need to find a way to broach the larger issue.
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EmergeAnew
Platinum
Reged: 02/26/08
Posts: 229
Loc: IL
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When it comes to affairs, GO WITH YOUR GUT.....if you have a suspicion you are probably right. Your gut is telling you something is wrong for a reason.
Its not a logical explanation, its trying to cover up and keep you from asking any more questions.
Try this...say dear husband, if the text messages are so innocent, can I please see your phone, id like to check for myself.
My bet is that he will not give you his phone, and further that he gets irate that you even asked to see it. He will begin to have a tantrum as if you just told your 5 year old you are going to take away their favorite toy. He will get up and try to get as far away from you as possible telling you all the while that you are crazy and suspicious for no reason and you are just making stuff up. That they are just friends and he isnt doing anything wrong. He may even storm out of the house insisting that he needs some space.
You just stay maintain your calm, cool and collected demeanor. Dont argue back with him, thats what he wants, it helps him feel validated and like you are falling for the bs. All he is trying to do with arguing is baiting you in to distract you from what you initially set out to do.
Try it. OR while he is sleeping go grab his phone and check for yourself. (but if he is really hiding something he will have deleted all of the messages)
People that have nothing to hide, hide nothing.
I hope im wrong.
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You must be the change you wish to see - Mahatma Gandhi
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overwhelmed
Platinum
Reged: 10/13/06
Posts: 1186
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I don't thinkg it's appropriate for a married person to be texting other people of the opposite sex whether it's innocent or not.
I love my brother-in-law like a brother but I'm certain my sister wouldn't appreciate it if I texted him daily.
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GivinUp94
New
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 11
Loc: TX
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He cheated on me once before when we first got married. He is also not likely to tell the truth when he is backed into a corner. So, there is the history. I don't know when he would find the time to cheat but I know it is possible. My gut tells me something is wrong...our marriage is obviously on shaky ground...I want out and he doesn't. But, I just can't get past the fact that something doesn't feel right...I could be wrong about the cheating. I just can't understand why he would need these women's phone numbers...I can understand having the supv/assistant lead but not the others. He also says that his other married male friends talk to their female coworkers all the time. I just don't think it is appropriate for a married man to have conversations with female coworkers outside of work unless one of the parties is hoping it would lead to something else.
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overwhelmed
Platinum
Reged: 10/13/06
Posts: 1186
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Two weeks before my ex came clean, I had a conversation with my MIL and her sister about how my ex would be the last person in the world to cheat and if he wanted to he didn't have time anyway. Guess what? He had found PLENTY of time. Not just to cheat but also to cheat on the one he was cheating with.
I wouldn't care if it was innocent or not. It invites trouble.
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pdm1960
Platinum
Reged: 02/15/06
Posts: 268
Loc: California
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Givinup94,
You're not crazy and i don't think you're jealous. I think you are concerned for your marriage. But if you want out then get out. Don't use the text messaging as the situation to get out.
Also, I agree with you that it is in-appropriate for female co-workers to be contacting your husband and vis-versa if it isn't work related.
If you want it to work, the 2 of you need to re-establish some ground rules to build your trust for each other. It isn't going to work otherwise. Follow your intuitions on this but set some ground rules for the both of you if you both want it to work.
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