creynolds
New
Reged: 03/16/08
Posts: 2
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I need some advice, I have been married for 2.5 years. My husband just got off probation for domestic violence 3 years ago and has a serious alcohol addiction. Within 3 days off probation he began drinking again - heavily. Which history has taught me leads to serious violence. So I grabbed my children (not from him) and immediately left my house. After so many instances of drinking and violence, I have had enough and am filing for seperation and divorce. Long Story Short - how do I get him out of my house (I am the primary income provider in the house).
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nyswife
New
Reged: 03/17/08
Posts: 2
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Good luck to you! In 2005 I went thru the same thing almost. My husband was using drug and drinking and was A.C.D. for 6 months from his charges and it wasn't until things got really bad that I was able to have him removed from the house. I went a domestic abuse group and got help. with their love and understanding I was able to get an order of protection. It has been 3yr and we are still going thru the divorce stage. Stay stronge and know your are not alone.
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Lacy1
Gold
Reged: 03/06/08
Posts: 152
Loc: Coastal Area
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I too had an alcholic husband. I left in December after being abused for years. It never became physical until this past July but that was enough.
I miss him because I love him. ( I don't miss the bad parts)
I left what I have worked for for the past 10 years. He bought me out.
Funny thing is when I met him he had his clothes and his truck.
I left a home, land, boat, camper......for a mere sum. I knew if I stayed there I would always be miserable so I sold out to him.
If I had to do it again I would probably have bought him out then sold it...............good luck
--------------------
His loss not mine
Heavenbound and proud of it.
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siobhan
New
Reged: 03/10/08
Posts: 8
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As someone in recovery I can tell you a very basic truth, you are doing the absolute right thing. You CANNOT help him. Addicts/alcoholics have to rescue themselves, no one else can rescue them. It's when they realize that they begin to recover and not before.
Since he has a history of violence, is he on probation? Alot of times, there are pretty tight restrictions in place on who they can associate with and even on drinking/drugging. If he is, do you know who his probation officer is? If you don't, contact your local police department and explain the situation.
If you call or go to a shelter, I would guess they might be able to point you to the correct resources for someone in your position. Legal Aid or something. You should be able to get at least a temporary restraining order pretty quickly and that should get you back in the house with your kids and him ordered to keep his distance. You can actually go to court and obtain one yourself. Check on the web for what you need to do in your state. It is usually pretty basic.
Also, you may want to see if you can find an Al-anon meeting. Just call Alcoholics Anonymous (directory assistance or your phone book will have the number) if you can't find them directly -- they will know who to call. These are meetings for partners/family/friends of alcoholics. These groups meet to share and work on their own issues (deal with your own problems instead of the alcoholic's) so just frankly speak about your situation. I guarantee you -- people there have either been in your situation or have heard the same story before and will have some good advice for you. Some will come up to you after the meeting and offer help. It ALWAYS happens. You will be amazed how NOT alone you are. They will offer phone numbers. You will not believe it until you experience it.
Good luck. You really are not alone. But please remember that so long as he is drinking, you cannot trust him at all. It is truly sad, but you cannot believe him. He cannot admit to himself that he is out of control yet, so you cannot trust it when he says he will change. You need to believe it only when he DOES it and does it for a long time. Please protect yourself, you babies, and your heart.
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siobhan
New
Reged: 03/10/08
Posts: 8
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Sorry-- I just reread you post. He's off probation. Ask the police if there's anything to be done. It's worth the call. Call the prob. office. It's worth that call too. But tell them to keep their mouths shut if they can't do anything.
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