Crazy1
New
Reged: 02/27/08
Posts: 8
|
|
My STBX and I are ending a 13 year relationship. It was my decision to leave due to "different lifestyles". I don't hate him; in fact, I wish him all the best. When it came time to figure out what he owes me for spousal support (maintanance) I chose to waive it because once child support gets established and expenses are paid, he will only be making $5 a week. I didn't have the heart to "screw" him and firmly believe that its more important to continue a positive relationship for our daughter's sake than to cause turmoil. However, I'm struggling to get on my feet and everyone in my life thinks I'm crazy for not making him pay. Its not my nature to be nasty but I also need to support myself. Did I do the wrong thing?
|
allthumbs
Platinum
Reged: 07/12/07
Posts: 455
|
|
Well, no family court would issue an order, knowing all the facts, that would leave the SS payer only $5.00 a week to live on. I mean, what are we talking about here? How much does the STBX make? Do you work? Where do you live? In which state? What "expenses" are you referring to? His? Yours? Kinda hard to say if your choice was wise without knowing all the info.
|
gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5042
|
|
From your other recent post, with the turning in of the financial affidavit, I get the feeling you're a lot earlier in the process than "waiving" support. Maybe you've told your lawyer that you didn't care about it and they're proceeding on that basis?
Anyways, it makes no sense that he'd only have $5 a week after child support "and expenses". I'm kind of wanting to know what you are calling "and expenses"?
For example, often, people get hung up in figuring out how much it would cost to keep the house, for example, and don't recognize that this means one of them would end up with more house than they really SHOULD have (given that their new situation will have only HALF the adults living in the house). And this is only one of MANY things that might be going on, but your statement that he'll only have $5 after child support is paid is kind of... odd... so we need a lot more inforamtion.
We need a whole lot more information about your sitaution before we can know whether or not you've done something stupid.
First, how long ago was the divorce filed? When is the next hearing? Are you talking about final decrees being made, final negotiations, and you signing off on FINAL divorce paperwork already? What "other expenses" are you talking about that would leave him with only $5? What property are you ending up with in the divorce?
How long were you married before the separation and how much does he earn? How much do you earn and do you have a plan for earning more? If your work is as a stay-at-home or part time employee, how long have you been doing that? What kind of property is involved in your sitaution and will you end up with enough to live off of without the spousal support? How many children do you have and what are the child care needs and are you able to make arrangements to get a full time, full responsibility job relatively quickly? What ARE your career plans?
THe issue of alimony kind of requires understanding the whole picture. It's not so easy as plugging a few numbers into a formula (like child support is), it requires knowing whether you have reason to expect support or wehther you should be able to support yourself, and a whole lot more things.
So give us a little more inforamtion (ok, it's a LOT more information) and we can get a start on helping you figure this out.
|
Crazy1
New
Reged: 02/27/08
Posts: 8
|
|
To answer some of the questions....
Yes, we are fairly early in the process. To my knowledge, only the "intent for divorce" has been filed at the courthouse. At this point, we are waiting for an appraisal to be completed to determine how much equity we have in the house before my attorney can file.
My statement of "other expenses" means he will net $5 income after his monthly expenses, based off of how we agreed to divide debts. Monthly fluctuating expenes (such as gas, groceries, etc) have been estimated.
As for my employment/income...I am currently working part time and have been for the past two years; per the agreement we made when our daughter was born. I have been searching for fulltime employment but holding off on accepting a position because I need to get my daughter into daycare and unable to do this until child support gets established. I am also considering furthering my education, which classes begin Sept.
I fully agree he has too much house for what he can afford. Quite honestly, we have not been able to afford the house for quite some time. When we originally purchased the house 7 years ago, he was making nearly double what he makes now. He has since been laid off from that job with no call-back, therefore taking a position with a much lower salary. I have been trying to convince him to sell the house but he adamantly refuses (part of the stubborness that I'm divorcing him over!). It remains to be seen if he will get the financing to refi due to his lower salary, so there is a chance he will lose the house whether he likes it or not. Its unfortunate, but a good lesson.
Hopefully this sheds some more light on the situation. Thanks again for the advice.
|
cantbelieveit02
Silver
Reged: 01/01/08
Posts: 60
|
|
5 dollars a week. WOW!! I'm glad you decided not to "screw" him.
|
gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5042
|
|
when you get full time employment, what will YOUR income be relative to his current income? Do you believe that he has no better prospects? If so, then this is the income that should be counted.
But you're counting the wrong expenses. What you need to count is what will be YOUR expenses and whether you can meet them. It's not a matter of how much you LEAVE for him (extra, at the end of all his other expenses, to have fun with)... because if you can't make ends meet at all and NEED money, then you should probably get some. If you can't afford cable, then fine, but if he is getting cable and you can't afford HEAT, that's another thing altogether, see?
If you are living off of $1000 a month (and not making your rent and basic utility & food expenses every month) and he is living off $3500 a month and having $5 left over at the end, (including cable and a mortgage for a house he doesn't NEED), then it's highly likely that you DO deserve some alimony until you can bring your income up.
So figure out what YOU need, to make ends meet, and then look at whether he is wasting money (if that's on a house that's too big, then so be it, you shouldn't have to live in a tent just so he can have that big house)...
Now, on the other hand, if your full time income will approximate his current income, then it's unlikely that there will be a dime of support under any circumstances, and if the marriage was only 2 years in the first place, the judge will jsut say, "go back to full time, you have no right to expect less work and increased lifestyle after only 2 years".
So look at those things before you decide whetehr waiving support was a good decision. AND if you're this early in teh process, it's highly likely that there's nothing you've done that can't be un-cone. There are a FEW times where you do stuff that can't be undone without extra expense, (and you'll have to look at whether the extra delay and/or expense will be worth it ni the long run), but truly, there's almost nothing you can't change your mind about now.
And to the other poster, if you think about it, divorcing means that it's going to be tough to make ends meet, but if this guy can pay his taxes, his mortgage, his cable, car, food, electric, gas, and EVERYTHING and still have $5 left over at this particular income (artificially lower and we hope will double soon if he can get back into his industry)... and she is not making ends meet while apparently being the primary residence of his children, then that $5 (and maybe more) probably should go to her, in all fairness.
At least until her own income also increases.
By the way, Crazy, you need to increase your income now. Waiting till child support before you put the kids into daycare, UNLESS the job you're looking at will give you less money than the costs of daycare, is crazy. If you are going to earn $200 more per week with this new job and pay $100 per week in daycare to get it, then GET IT. You net $100 per week more than youv'e got now and that's enough to put quite a lot of mac & cheese on the table!
We don't know all the numbers, only you do, so only you can do all the figuring to figure out what's fair, but PLEASE do the figuring. If you find out that the proposed settlement is truly, objectively fair, then you'll feel better. If you find out that you cant' make ends meet and he needs to cut off his internet or cable or cellphone till the two of you get up to speed in both careers, then you'll KNOW what direction to go in. But either way, you'll know for yourself and won't need to ask a bunch of strangers who don't know the situation whether or not you're going to be able to make ends meet.
And don't be surprised if things look worse for a while then you were hoping for. That's the way it is in divorce. Everyone loses. People have to work full time to make ends meet, kids have to go to daycare and after school care that they were hoping to avoid, and there are two households to support. Until there is double the income to support those households, it's CLEAR that both people will have to lower their standards for a while. That doesn't mean forever, but it does mean that you'll be starting over. Hopefully not from scratch, hopefully you'll get SOMEthing back (like half the home equity, your car, etc), but truly, you each have to cut your life in half for a while till you get a new balance in your own finances.
|
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
