fenderman
New
Reged: 02/26/08
Posts: 21
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i am in the midst of trying to work out a settlement with my stbx.We were married for over 20 years.Since 97 my pay has more than doubled.Her pay on the other hand has gone down.She went from a job that pays 24k with benefits and retirements to a 21k job with no benefits and retirement.She has changed jobs several times in the process.In addition she has blown money while we were married like a drunken sailor bringing in more and more debt while i work my butt off.Come to find out she is probably going to get considerable alimony for a long time.And she is entitled to half of my retirement. Since she doesnt have a retirement i am entitled to half of nothing.She hardly was ever there for me while we were married,hardly ever cooked , cleaned , etc, while i busted my butt trying to make a better future and taking care of the house, she has done nothing to contribute to the household.If anything she has just taken.And for her efforts she gets a raise and a retirement!And for all my efforts i get a substantial decrease in pay and my retirement is worth only half of what it was.How is this fair?
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cantbelieveit02
Silver
Reged: 01/01/08
Posts: 62
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It's not fair but get ready for it. Try to negotiate something you can live with. Don't let your future ride in the hands of the civil courts.
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WolRon
Platinum
Reged: 01/16/08
Posts: 255
Loc: MN, USA
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It's like paying for a prostitute.
This is the effin you get for the effin you got.
Alimony is WAY overrated.
On the other hand though, if you were willing to 'split' your retirement with her when the two of you retired as a married couple, then you shouldn't have a problem with splitting it up now, should you?
I know, it's not exactly the same thing, but that's how it works...
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I didn't get married to pay CS later in life.
http://home.cmit.net/rwolbeck/childsupport
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fenderman
New
Reged: 02/26/08
Posts: 21
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the difference between this and a prostitute is with the prostitute you are on the giving end.Its not the retirement that has me stewed as much as the alimony thing.Like i said, she only took from the marraige not give and for her efforts she gets a nice fat raise and i get a pay cut.I know its the way it is , but it doesnt make it right.Dont get me wrong, i am not out to cut her totally out , but the amount of alimony she will recieve is way more than she deserves.
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ILMom
Gold
Reged: 12/03/07
Posts: 145
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Don't let the possibility of life-time alimony keep you up at night, just yet. My divorce was final three weeks ago. I made $135K, he made $22K (barely). I had a $110K 401K plan, he had $8K. We were married 19 years and have 2 kids.
I have sole custody. He was a Stay at home dad for 8 years. After 6 years he became an alcoholic then a drug addict. It was like having a third child and he sucked the life out of us.
He was so desperate for money that he didn't go to trial. He received half of the equity in the house ($180K) and half of the combined 401K ($55K-$60K once its finally QDROed.) I am paying for his medical insurance at $423 a month until 3/09.
I felt much as you do. I busted my butt for this family while he sat on his butt and actually hurt this family for the past 6 years. And I was looking at 15% gross for life?
It didn't happen. Do whatever you can to find her hot buttons and settle with her so you don't have to go to trial. What does she really want? Be smart, stay calm and get your lawyers input as to the worst-case scenario.
I lived in fear of lifetime SS. As I said, my lawyer said it could have been up to 15% of my gross for life. More likely it would have been $1000 a month for 6 years IF WE HAD GONE TO TRIAL.
I am not paying SS at all. Settle if you can.
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2267
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Time for a reality check . How much more would it cost you to keep her ?
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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fenderman
New
Reged: 02/26/08
Posts: 21
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some things are worth paying for!
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fenderman
New
Reged: 02/26/08
Posts: 21
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thanks for your input.The reason i get a little nervous about the support is because under a temporary order i am paying about 30 percent of my gross.I understand it serves a different purpose than permanent support , but once that number is out there it gives some people the impression that this number is close to the permanent support amount.
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allthumbs
Platinum
Reged: 07/12/07
Posts: 560
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Keep in mind, most of the time temp. support orders are there just to maintain the status quo while the settlement and other matters get worked out. And most of the time, they use a computer program to do this, which doesn't take into acct. much of what the court MUST take into acct. when issuing permanent support orders. You can get it reduced but you must make every effort and have a good attorney who will look at all the angles. And hopefully a judge who obeys the laws and is impartial in all matters. IMO, many aren't.
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 760
Loc: PA
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[quote].And for her efforts she gets a raise and a retirement!And for all my efforts i get a substantial decrease in pay and my retirement is worth only half of what it was.How is this fair? [/quote]
I'm in the exact same spot. My disabled wife has played the system well and even has soc security disability, which an atty told me means very possible perm. alim. I always knew she had right to half my gain in pension, but had NO idea about the PA formula for temp support (bigger check - smaller check x .40 = 1100 a month for me).
so because she never had good jobs even when able bodied, i have to pay more at least temporarily.
I do have half a mind to seek out a woman that has more money than me for my next marriage...but i dont think that would work out too well.
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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