fenderman
New
Reged: 02/26/08
Posts: 21
|
|
i am in the midst of trying to work out a settlement with my stbx.We were married for over 20 years.Since 97 my pay has more than doubled.Her pay on the other hand has gone down.She went from a job that pays 24k with benefits and retirements to a 21k job with no benefits and retirement.She has changed jobs several times in the process.In addition she has blown money while we were married like a drunken sailor bringing in more and more debt while i work my butt off.Come to find out she is probably going to get considerable alimony for a long time.And she is entitled to half of my retirement. Since she doesnt have a retirement i am entitled to half of nothing.She hardly was ever there for me while we were married,hardly ever cooked , cleaned , etc, while i busted my butt trying to make a better future and taking care of the house, she has done nothing to contribute to the household.If anything she has just taken.And for her efforts she gets a raise and a retirement!And for all my efforts i get a substantial decrease in pay and my retirement is worth only half of what it was.How is this fair?
|
cantbelieveit02
Silver
Reged: 01/01/08
Posts: 62
|
|
It's not fair but get ready for it. Try to negotiate something you can live with. Don't let your future ride in the hands of the civil courts.
|
WolRon
Platinum
Reged: 01/16/08
Posts: 255
Loc: MN, USA
|
|
It's like paying for a prostitute.
This is the effin you get for the effin you got.
Alimony is WAY overrated.
On the other hand though, if you were willing to 'split' your retirement with her when the two of you retired as a married couple, then you shouldn't have a problem with splitting it up now, should you?
I know, it's not exactly the same thing, but that's how it works...
--------------------
I didn't get married to pay CS later in life.
http://home.cmit.net/rwolbeck/childsupport
|
fenderman
New
Reged: 02/26/08
Posts: 21
|
|
the difference between this and a prostitute is with the prostitute you are on the giving end.Its not the retirement that has me stewed as much as the alimony thing.Like i said, she only took from the marraige not give and for her efforts she gets a nice fat raise and i get a pay cut.I know its the way it is , but it doesnt make it right.Dont get me wrong, i am not out to cut her totally out , but the amount of alimony she will recieve is way more than she deserves.
|
ILMom
Gold
Reged: 12/03/07
Posts: 145
|
|
Don't let the possibility of life-time alimony keep you up at night, just yet. My divorce was final three weeks ago. I made $135K, he made $22K (barely). I had a $110K 401K plan, he had $8K. We were married 19 years and have 2 kids.
I have sole custody. He was a Stay at home dad for 8 years. After 6 years he became an alcoholic then a drug addict. It was like having a third child and he sucked the life out of us.
He was so desperate for money that he didn't go to trial. He received half of the equity in the house ($180K) and half of the combined 401K ($55K-$60K once its finally QDROed.) I am paying for his medical insurance at $423 a month until 3/09.
I felt much as you do. I busted my butt for this family while he sat on his butt and actually hurt this family for the past 6 years. And I was looking at 15% gross for life?
It didn't happen. Do whatever you can to find her hot buttons and settle with her so you don't have to go to trial. What does she really want? Be smart, stay calm and get your lawyers input as to the worst-case scenario.
I lived in fear of lifetime SS. As I said, my lawyer said it could have been up to 15% of my gross for life. More likely it would have been $1000 a month for 6 years IF WE HAD GONE TO TRIAL.
I am not paying SS at all. Settle if you can.
|
theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2267
|
|
Time for a reality check . How much more would it cost you to keep her ?
--------------------
Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
|
fenderman
New
Reged: 02/26/08
Posts: 21
|
|
some things are worth paying for!
|
fenderman
New
Reged: 02/26/08
Posts: 21
|
|
thanks for your input.The reason i get a little nervous about the support is because under a temporary order i am paying about 30 percent of my gross.I understand it serves a different purpose than permanent support , but once that number is out there it gives some people the impression that this number is close to the permanent support amount.
|
allthumbs
Platinum
Reged: 07/12/07
Posts: 560
|
|
Keep in mind, most of the time temp. support orders are there just to maintain the status quo while the settlement and other matters get worked out. And most of the time, they use a computer program to do this, which doesn't take into acct. much of what the court MUST take into acct. when issuing permanent support orders. You can get it reduced but you must make every effort and have a good attorney who will look at all the angles. And hopefully a judge who obeys the laws and is impartial in all matters. IMO, many aren't.
|
What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 760
Loc: PA
|
|
[quote].And for her efforts she gets a raise and a retirement!And for all my efforts i get a substantial decrease in pay and my retirement is worth only half of what it was.How is this fair? [/quote]
I'm in the exact same spot. My disabled wife has played the system well and even has soc security disability, which an atty told me means very possible perm. alim. I always knew she had right to half my gain in pension, but had NO idea about the PA formula for temp support (bigger check - smaller check x .40 = 1100 a month for me).
so because she never had good jobs even when able bodied, i have to pay more at least temporarily.
I do have half a mind to seek out a woman that has more money than me for my next marriage...but i dont think that would work out too well.
--------------------
call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
|
What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 760
Loc: PA
|
|
[quote]thanks for your input.The reason i get a little nervous about the support is because under a temporary order i am paying about 30 percent of my gross.I understand it serves a different purpose than permanent support , but once that number is out there it gives some people the impression that this number is close to the permanent support amount. [/quote]
one atty i saw told me point blank, they are supposed to ignore the temp support number and start from scratch but that's not how it works around here unfortunately. So she told me to expect that as a minimum number.
the 2nd atty i saw told me point blank that the courts only care that they leave me 748 a month to live on. Though i didnt ask her where that number came from.
--------------------
call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
|
Chacal
New
Reged: 11/02/07
Posts: 7
|
|
Fenderman:
Whatever you do, be sure to include an ability to modify the settlement agreement in the future. If you don't, the courts will look at the contract as if it were written in stone and you will never get a chance to reduce your alimony with adverse events affecting your financial condition.
Chacal
|
What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 760
Loc: PA
|
|
[quote]Fenderman:
Whatever you do, be sure to include an ability to modify the settlement agreement in the future. If you don't, the courts will look at the contract as if it were written in stone and you will never get a chance to reduce your alimony with adverse events affecting your financial condition.
Chacal [/quote]
while that advice is very good, and some ill be taking myself, i initially thought it best to have non modifiable. I figured why not lock myself into X years for X dollars and thats it, end of story forever. But then i thought what if i get disabled etc etc
--------------------
call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
|
fenderman
New
Reged: 02/26/08
Posts: 21
|
|
yep modifiable is the only way to go unless you have access to alot of money.To the giver it is too huge of a risk to have it non-modifiable i my opinion.Too many things can happen in a span of say 8-10 years.
|
ronis108
Bronze
Reged: 12/13/07
Posts: 26
|
|
[quote]yep modifiable is the only way to go unless you have access to alot of money.To the giver it is too huge of a risk to have it non-modifiable i my opinion.Too many things can happen in a span of say 8-10 years. [/quote]
As a giver in a modifiable aggreement, if you start earning more money your x can come after for more, and if she earns more later on you can reduce your support. right?
|
ILMom
Gold
Reged: 12/03/07
Posts: 145
|
|
I thought it was based on the givers income during the course of the marriage. Say I made $135K a year during the marriage and then $200K afterwards. I didn't think the ex could get an upward adjustment.
Then again, my ex agreed to a non-modifiable SS agreement with SS set at $0. (I made $135K, he made $22K) Dumb butt... :)
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
