Cathie
Platinum
Reged: 03/25/08
Posts: 241
Loc: Rhode Island
|
|
hello everyone... my name is Cathie and I'm a mom of 4 minor children. I've been married for almost 15 years, together almost 17 years... my marriage wasn't always bad...there was alot of good times, but for almost a year it has gone bad. My husband was neglecting me and constantly going out partying ( I was 20 and he was 17 when we got together =/ ) and there were so many times that i would beg him to please just stay home with me for at least one weekend night alone, me and him, or out on a date, and he would refuse, saying that he had drinking to do. we both work full-time, so all we had was weekends. needless to say...i turned to online...an avatar 3d chat game, and finally got the attention i was craving... so i told my husband about it, and even he went on it, and after a couple months we split up and he moved out. but we never completely split up. i would still cook dinner for him every night, make love to him, we would take turns spending the nights here and at his mother's ( where he lives). still tell each other that we love each other, everything. until he met another woman. someone that was hanging around im all the time. he told me that he was done with me and was asking her out on a date. told me that they both liked each other alot. even told his family about her. i fought like crazy for him. so many tears and broken heart for me. eventually he moved back home and we were officially back together. the problem was that she was still in the picture. and he did nothing to avoid her. so finally after last week, he moved out again. come to find out, she found out and text messaged him from somebody else's cell phone and asked him to come over. ( he did) i caught him leaving her apartment. he was walking also because she told him to leave his car at his mom's so i wouldn't see it ( they live 2 minutes walking distance) and he did. now they are going back and forth...even though i have asked her several times to leave my husband alone and stop being a home wrecker. and she won't. she really is a druggie and a [censored] that sleeps around. wtf does he see in her? needless to say... he now wants a divorce. and i am totally crushed. i am sad and angry. i just want to die. please... any advice?
--------------------
I want to be the Phoenix that rises from the flames ( of the hell he put me in )
|
Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2095
|
|
Either let him go now, or later when he does this again. You cannot force a person to stay where they don't want to be. Get on with your life.
|
Cathie
Platinum
Reged: 03/25/08
Posts: 241
Loc: Rhode Island
|
|
he confuses me though. he'll tell me that he loves me, misses me, wants us to work out, and then all of a sudden change his mind and say that we'll never work... i'm going out of my freakin' mind!!! i do want us to work, but he's playing head games...=(
--------------------
I want to be the Phoenix that rises from the flames ( of the hell he put me in )
|
movingon2
Platinum
Reged: 12/06/07
Posts: 209
|
|
Cathie,
Listen, I know you are hurting terribly. You have a lot of time invested in your relationship with your husband, not to mention 4 young children, but he cannot continue to treat you so badly…tell yourself you and the children deserve better. As for him going back and forth between his druggie GF and yourself, he may end up giving you something much more than a dose of heartache. Do not have any more physical contact with him. Seek counseling from a trusted source, and get some legal help. You may be able to work things out eventually, but without you setting boundaries he’s going to keep doing what he’s been doing. You need to start protecting your self now!
Hang in there and be as strong as you can be for the kids.
|
Cathie
Platinum
Reged: 03/25/08
Posts: 241
Loc: Rhode Island
|
|
tysm...i'm trying the best i can... today i have come to the realization that it is really over this time...and it freakin' hurts so bad...i can't stop freakin' crying... why did he do this to us? he doesn't even love her...he told me that he knows it won't last for her and that maybe someday if our love is strong enough we'll get back together...BULLSH*T!!!!!!! i will never forgive him for what he has done to us and our kids...let alone take him back after being with that nasty druggie home wrecking [censored]...
--------------------
I want to be the Phoenix that rises from the flames ( of the hell he put me in )
|
WolRon
Platinum
Reged: 01/16/08
Posts: 255
Loc: MN, USA
|
|
"tysm...i'm trying the best i can... today i have come to the realization that it is really over this time...and it freakin' hurts so bad...i can't stop freakin' crying... why did he do this to us? he doesn't even love her...he told me that he knows it won't last for her and that maybe someday if our love is strong enough we'll get back together...BULLSH*T!!!!!!! i will never forgive him for what he has done to us and our kids...let alone take him back after being with that nasty druggie home wrecking [censored]... "
Look in the mirror. Who ALSO looked for something else when their husband was neglecting them. There's no point in calling the OW names. Your husband is just as deserving of them and so are you.
Don't blame this on him. You are also at fault. Get on with you lives now. You've both destroyed it.
If you really want to work things out now, it's near impossible.
One, HE has to want it as much as you. And only HE can make that decision.
Two, you've both lost all trust in each other. ANY relationship from here is one built on LACK of trust. That's a VERY hard relationship to have. Maybe not even worth it.
I'm not a supportor of divorce. You shouldn't have looked elsewhere, and neither should have your husband. But you both did, and now it's all f**ked up.
There may not be any fix.
It's just too sad.
But stop whining about the OW. You didn't have a problem with looking elsewhere...
EDIT: For the sake of your 4 children though, you really should try counseling at the very least. Make sure he realizes what he's dragging his kids through. They don't deserve this from you two.
--------------------
I didn't get married to pay CS later in life.
http://home.cmit.net/rwolbeck/childsupport
Edited by WolRon (03/26/08 10:47 AM)
|
Cathie
Platinum
Reged: 03/25/08
Posts: 241
Loc: Rhode Island
|
|
wow... that was really cold... all i did was talk...not sleep around. i was still at home with the kids while he was out partying with her. i was always at home with the kids. and as far as the OW... she KNEW he was married with 4 kids and that we have been trying to work things out, going to marriage counseling, etc. and she STILL would text message him with other people's phones so i wouldn't know it was her on phone bill, and telling him to leave his car and walk over so i wouldn't know he was there. constantly showing up at places she knew we would be at purposely. so this OW is no innocent...
PS- and when i say 'talk' i'm referring to online, not face to face in person. there is a BIG difference!
--------------------
I want to be the Phoenix that rises from the flames ( of the hell he put me in )
Edited by Cathie (03/26/08 10:53 AM)
|
WolRon
Platinum
Reged: 01/16/08
Posts: 255
Loc: MN, USA
|
|
"PS- and when i say 'talk' i'm referring to online, not face to face in person. there is a BIG difference! "
So, like you said, the OW texting your husband is **OK**
Stop trying to make it a double-standard. Wandering eyes are still wandering eyes.
--------------------
I didn't get married to pay CS later in life.
http://home.cmit.net/rwolbeck/childsupport
|
faith4two
Platinum
Reged: 11/11/07
Posts: 345
|
|
WolRon, for once, I agree with you on this one. Just because you haven't done the horizontal dance doesn't mean you're innocent of all wrongdoing...
|
Cathie
Platinum
Reged: 03/25/08
Posts: 241
Loc: Rhode Island
|
|
the OW texting him was NOT ok when we were back together and working things out...i quit the talking online way before that!!! i completely devoted myself to my husband and our marriage...and he did the same for me...until the OW started coming around where we were purposely...and then started texting him AGAIN...i didn't do anything to deserve that!!!! why are you being so cold?
--------------------
I want to be the Phoenix that rises from the flames ( of the hell he put me in )
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
