jbar
Platinum
Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 989
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...Do I still have what I need despite what I have to give to her for no good reason?" The answer, in my case, as I suspect it is in yours was, "Yes, I am very fortunate." Answer the question and then give yourself a break - stop picking at it.
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Yes, if you can live with the status quo, and the court's tyranny ultimately has left you with sufficient funds to be comfortable and happy, then by all means be so and "stop picking at it". Live your life; be productive, happy and get on in the world!
But please, based on the hell you have been through, do not forget about your brothers who, because they may not be as fortunate in the first place as you were, may be suffering intolerable, agonizing financial and emotional pain, at the mercy of the same laws and anti-male bias in the courts which you had to face.
Now that you know how bad it can be, don't simply "wish to forget about it all", as the majority do after it is past them, but instead do all you can to help other men in this situation. Remain active in mens' and Fathers' support groups, and contribute to them as much as you can, both financially and in voluntary help. The satisfaction you will receive will be well worth the effort!
Edited by jbar (03/28/08 02:02 AM)
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alimonyman
New
Reged: 03/27/08
Posts: 9
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...Do I still have what I need despite what I have to give to her for no good reason?" The answer, in my case, as I suspect it is in yours was, "Yes, I am very fortunate." Answer the question and then give yourself a break - stop picking at it.
This brings me back to my original question. Is there a network of men's support groups? I have been unable to find one. And yes, in many ways I am fortunate, and I think it may be difficult for those with less to have sympathy for someone with significant funds. The problem is that although I have plenty of money to live for today, if I retire, at the rate that my assets will be depleted, I will eventually be bankrupt at the current alimony rate. In answer to another person's question earlier, I don't know if a court would give me a reduction when I'm sixty five. The court order said for the rest of my natural life,(and also said that the life insurance policy - which BTW is a term policy that expires in another ten years or so, and I don't know what the replacement cost will be, but I'm sure it will be exhorbitant) but did allow for the possibility of returning to court if she re-marries. This is why it's so difficult to move on, as I'm sure anyone with a lifetime "obligation" whether large or small understands.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3112
Loc: Colorado
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Yeah, those are legitimate concerns and they mess with your sense of security for the long-term. Ouch. The alimony situation can and should be reevaluated when you and she enter retirement. Problem is, you don't know what sort of relief, if any, you'll see there.
There are no immediate answers. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to do the planning. The only way around that is in your head. And so, yeah a support group is your immediate need. Keep looking, I'm sure it's out there. And if not, invite some friends over, play poker and create one.
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