abbysfv
Platinum
Reged: 02/13/08
Posts: 687
Loc: LA, CA
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Last Friday stbx moves out, Monday morning he's crying because he misses our daughter. Ok that's to be expected but now he wants to come over tonight to spend time with her. She of course misses him and is asking about him, which is totally normal and to be expected. How should I handle this? Should I let him come over, or is that just going to make it hard in the long run? I already said yes for tonight but I'm wondering if I should start setting limits? Our custody agreement is 80-20, so he agreed to have her every other weekend. I'm more interested in making this easy on my daughter than stbx, does anyone have some advise?
Oh and my daughter is four.
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Recovering trusting dufus.
Edited by abbysfv (03/18/08 12:21 PM)
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ilovemykids
New
Reged: 03/18/08
Posts: 5
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Well if he wants more time with her, just to be with her and be dad, its best that you allow it, for you daughters sake. If you too can get along and work a slight change in custody, do that for a while see how it works. Remember it’s always best for any child to spend as much time as possible with both parents. Some fathers don’t even want to see their children, consider you child lucky that dad wants more time, Heck use it to your advantage, Take some time for yourself to do the things you want to do. Use him as your fall back to watch her when you need to get things done.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3341
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[quote]Last Friday stbx moves out, Monday morning he's crying because he misses our daughter. Ok that's to be expected but now he wants to come over tonight to spend time with her. She of course misses him and is asking about him, which is totally normal and to be expected. How should I handle this? Should I let him come over, or is that just going to make it hard in the long run? I already said yes for tonight but I'm wondering if I should start setting limits? Our custody agreement is 80-20, so he agreed to have her every other weekend. I'm more interested in making this easy on my daughter than stbx, does anyone have some advise?
Oh and my daughter is four. [/quote]
My youngest was almost 4 when my ex and I separated. 2 weeks is a real long time to go without seeing the other parent. Even for an older child. My ex had the kids every Saturday when we first separated (he didn't have overnights for almost a year). And when I went back to work, he started seeing them every Wednesday, as well. He could have seen them on Wednesdays before I went back to work, but I didn't want him in the house when I was there. And he refused to take them anywhere, so he didn't come.
Personally, I would change the parenting plan to where your child sees her father at least 1-2 times during the week. It doesn't have to be an overnight, but it will be easier on her than only seeing him every 2 weeks.
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gracie lou
New
Reged: 04/07/08
Posts: 8
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I have a suggestion.....hindsight being 20/20 and all. I wanted desperately 2 divorce my husband when our daughter was 3 years old. She's 14 and we're still as hostile as I think 2 people can be. Daughter is a basket case. Looking back, if I'd of divorced him when she was little, all these years of fermenting hate wouldn't have probably happened. Maybe you feel somewhat threatened or whatever that she wants to spend time with her Dad, but let her. As long as he's a good Dad, encourage her. An occassional supper out, for the three of you would be good, but I think you need to maintain your independence and let his visits, except for rare occasions, happen somewhere else.
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