mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1412
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Now do yourself a favor, don't let him back in. Don't answer the phone when he calls. If he keeps thinking he can come back at anytime he'll keep repeating the same pattern of behavior.
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Here I am ladies.......come and get me. :-)
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saamrodi
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2899
Loc: here
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Been here, done this.
Mine kept leaving and coming back because I allowed it. You might think your being compassionate or unfailing....trying to bend over backwards to make this work. Your intentions are right, but its hurting no one but you.
Yes, he may not come back if you put your foot down, but why be with someone who doesnt want to be with you anyways. That doesnt make you unwantable either. Believe me, it just makes him undeserving.
Put your foot down and follow through. You WILL go crazy in this limbo you are allowing. Thats a fact. There is nothing at all wrong with thinking of yourself in some instances, and this is one of those times to start thinking of you.
Figure out what you want and if he can give that to you. If he is not willing to do some of the bending over backwards to make it work....move on.
Be strong, hang in there....its rough but you will come through this a whole heck of a lot better off.
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Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2268
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I mean this in a very caring way---
Dear Yoyo,
Please Stop The Madness!
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trudyrudy
New
Reged: 04/02/08
Posts: 15
Loc: North Carolina
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You guys are right. It's not fair to me to keep taking him back and allowing him to do this to me. I want alot of things that he's either unwilling or can't give me. I'm 35 yrs old, I'm not getting any younger, and I want kids some day. And that's something he doesn't want SO with God's help I'll find the perfect man, I guess I needed to find a lemon first.
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trudyrudy
New
Reged: 04/02/08
Posts: 15
Loc: North Carolina
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Yes Miss Sarah I'll stop the yo-yo........
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saamrodi
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2899
Loc: here
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Trudy.....when you stop the yo-yo....stop it by grabbing that dang thing when it goes UP! Keep it there! :)
Reading Sarah's "nice way" then reading what I wrote...I felt bad for not adding that I really sympathize with you when I wrote that.
I read your post and thought..."ugh...THAT MALE!" ;)
You can do this, whatever it is you need to do hun.
Good luck
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2kidsmomma
New
Reged: 04/06/08
Posts: 2
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How long does it take to get it thru one's head. I've been taking care of this man for almost 15 years now, and I filed for divorce even the default, but now i"m feeling regretful and alone, why do we want to continue in the same abusive cycle, even when we know that it is bad for us? I can't seem to remember all the bad abusive behavior right now. And I can't get him out of my head. I'm so confused. I know that I deserve better, but I can't seem to get to the otherside. what do I do, I have 2 little ones that I am responsible for and sometimes I feel like I just want to crawl in bed and never get out.. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results"
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trudyrudy
New
Reged: 04/02/08
Posts: 15
Loc: North Carolina
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2kids....i think we do it, because we don't want to be alone and we think they'll change for the better. a man or a woman isn't going to change. we marry them for better or worse, but it seems when the worse comes they are gone, or atleast mine is. but in my opinion we take them back because we love them, and we think they have changed. atleast i don't have kids in the picture, i know it's hard on them, both my brothers have kids and they took the seperation so hard. the important thing is don't let them think it's their fault that it happened. both my brothers kids blamed themselves thinking if they had cleaned their room more, if they'd listened more, mom wouldn't have left, but it's not their fault. i wish me and you luck thru this hard part.
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2narnara2
Gold
Reged: 02/09/08
Posts: 188
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Trudy....what problems does your husband have that his parents don't want him unless he straightens out? Does he have a substance abuse problem? Or perhaps he is going through a mental breakdown of some sorts? FOr him to keep leaving and coming back, there must be some deep issues he is struggling with. Or perhps he is with other women and when that doesn't work the way he wants it to, he comes back to you? I don't mean to be hurtful and blunt, but there must be more going on....
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trudyrudy
New
Reged: 04/02/08
Posts: 15
Loc: North Carolina
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He has a issue with his temper. Especially when it comes to his parents. The last time we split up, he had his dad in a choke hold and the man had just been home 2 days from the hospital after having a stroke. I don't think he's seeing other women as he never goes anywhere. He stays at home all the time. He doesn't drink or use illegal drugs, he just has a temper issue. Mostly screaming and yelling, but to his parents it's physical. I know I should be glad he's gone, and I sleep so much better now that he is, I had always slept alone anyway except for the late night bootie calls he'd make to my bedroom. The first night he was gone I slept thru the night, now since I sleep ok, but wake up a few times and can't get back to sleep for awhile. I do worry about him, cuz I still love and care about him. Something that he tells me I don't do I guess because I can't afford to buy him every toy he wants. But back to the issue. My husband doesn't get along at all with his parents, and that's why I can't understand why he wants to go back. His mom is constantly on him about something, non stop talking, and his dad, well he has as bad a temper as my husband. I'm so glad though that his sister is near in case he explodes at his parents. Last time, they were able to call me and I came and got him, this time I don't know what they'll do with him.
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No man, or woman is worth crying over, and the one that is won't make you cry.
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