gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4841
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You know, someone recently recommended the book, "Divorce Poison", and aside from getting the woman's diagnosis from a psychologist, which helped us understand that lots of her behavior was not something she was willing to change (or that she didn't understand that it was wrong), this book is amazing in it's help in figuring out how to counteract some of the nastiness they encounter at her house.
My husband & I are really finding some interesting new ways to resolve some of this stuff by reading this book, and I have high hopes that the results will be that everyone will be much happier. We hope. The book's recommendations make a whole lot of sense, so we'll see.
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kota1967
Platinum
Reged: 01/26/06
Posts: 1480
Loc: New England
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I am fortunate in that the bio mom is not in the picture but I have many battles with the bio dad (whom I am married to) because he feels his son should be treated "different" than my kids because his son doesn't have a "real" mom in the picture...and my kids are actually punished because they have both parents involved...(:
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momto6
New
Reged: 02/07/08
Posts: 20
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gigi-
thank you for the recommendation of the book "Divorce Poison" i intend to purchase it as soon as possible. I do try to realize that the x is just an unhappy person and i should actually feel sorry forher but when she is so psycho it is really hard to overlook it. i sincerely believe that x doesnt want to change her behavior because i have written her several letters over the years saying that i was willing to put everything behind us and start a new page for the kids' sakes. i never hear from her. so i guess this type of book is what i need. thanks again.
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flstepmom2622
New
Reged: 02/19/08
Posts: 16
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[quote]Stepmom issues seem to be a hot topic! I would like to hear opinions/experiences from other stepmoms on how they would handle the bio mom that is jealous,bitter,mad what have you. Would you stand up for yourself and push and issue(like the parent/teacher conferences) or would you back down just to keep the peace(not a battle worth pursuing) even if you did nothing wrong to piss off the ex? And why do you feel this why? [/quote]
Def a battle not worth pursuing. All it will create is more bitterness from the BM towards you, which could possibly be taken out on the children.. Basing this on experience. So in order to avoid the kids having to go through the confrontation, I just avoid getting involved in situations I know she would be pissy about!!
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stars79
New
Reged: 03/19/08
Posts: 5
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I wish my husbands ex would just leave us alone. Men are just expected to shut up, write a check and do whatever the ex says. The women who marry these men are treated like second rate wifes.
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Volsfan65
Bronze
Reged: 04/10/08
Posts: 27
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I'm not a stepmom yet...don't know if I ever will be BUT I do know that if the biomom starts in on me, I'm NOT backing down.
If I marry again, i'm not planning on going through another divorce. And I refuse to spend the rest of my life dealing with the ex's attitude. I didn't take if from my ex husband and I'm sure as hell not going to take it from someone else.
When it comes to issues with the kids, I'd probably talk with my husband about it.
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jakandme
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 569
Loc: on my way up the hill
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I have been a step mom for seven years but I have seen my SS about three times since we got together. I never had any issues with the biomom or anything because of that reason. My stbx has been an ass to my son which is his step son and I have no idea why. Both boys are the same age and he just all of a sudden started talking to him ugly right before he left to pursue a married woman with a child. So, I would say that he will be in the step dad position again as soon as divorce is over, I just hope that he does better by that child. Then I have my first ex who is getting remarried in June and I can tell you that I couldn't have hand picked a better SM for my little boy. She loves him unconditionally as if he was her own. I'm so happy about that and even though she wouldn't HAVE to have anything to do with me much or my daughters, she treats us as though we are family. I'm so blessed to have that kind of friendship with the woman who will help me and my son's dad raise him up right. She has even listened to me whine about this divorce and has given me alot of encouragement and good advice. I feel so bad that so many ppl have to deal with evil stepmom's of our kids and I'm soooo scared that I will have the same problem with the woman that my stbx is with right now. She doesn't seem like the type of person I could click with and try to get along with. Of course, I'm still really pissed at her for being with my husband. yuck!
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What is the future but a mirrored image of the past? Only we can make it better or worse!
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