Divorce Support Forums: Abandoned in NY what should I do?

I'm kind of new with this site. I've notice some impressive answers the members have given. I would like to know if your familiar with New York state divorce laws? If so... I would like to get a heads-up on what is going to take place in court. My husband has filed for a divorce. The Divorce complaint states for constructive abandonment dated for Jan 2006 thru Jan 2007. and I'm contesting it because it's not true and I have proof. The Judge has set down our trial on divorce grounds for May 2008 .Please allow me to bring you up to date. My husband and I were married for five years as of Sept. 2007 This is his third marriage and this is my first. He left me in Nov. 2006. He woke me up at 6 am to tell me that he is not happy and he can no longer live in this house with a grown man, referring to my 20 yr old son. At that very moment I asked him if he wanted a divorce and he said no. However, exactly two months later he filed for a divorce and had a process server to serve me on my job. He have two children one from his second wife and one from a girlfriend. He married his first wife when he was 19 yrs old for her citizenship. When I met my husband he had a lot of debt he bankrupt and I help him pay for his legal fees including marital, bankruptcy, and starting his own business, which included more legal fees i.e., trademark for the business, registering the name, purchasing the logo, his student loans etc. I have excellent credit and I used most of my credit cards to help him. At the time I was collecting Social Security disability, workers compensation and child support for my child from a previous relationship. I was a stay at home mom helping my husband start his business, assist him with his term papers from school, and assist him with his children on the weekends when they visited. When starting a business you are going to take a loss in the first year or two which affected us. So my husband and I decided that I should try to go back to work to help pay off some bills. When my husband left me in Nov 2006, He left me with some of the debt (Credit Card and checking account over draft payments). He took with him his two credit cards, student loans, car note (the loan in my name), and child support payments. I panic because I now have to manage the household bills on my own. My son is now grown and moved out of the apartment. My husband stated that he is not going to assist me financially because he does not live with me anymore. On March 2007 I took him to family court to try to get spousal support however, the judge stated that because there is a divorce action being taken I have to wait for the divorce to be finalized first. I explained to the judge that my husband has not properly served me the divorce paper as of yet he just handed them to me. The judge states that it doesn't matter because the divorce has already been filed. Meanwhile it's been a over a year and I still have not received one dime from him for any of the household expenses. This has caused me to work overtime, time and a half, on holidays as much as possible in order to pay bills. I over worked myself so much that now I am out on disability again. My doctor has ordered me to stop working immediately as of DEC. 2007. Fortunately, I was able to get my social security disability reinstated . I have retained a lawyer and I was informed that since I'm no longer working, my husband may be responsible for my legal fees. My husband has three jobs, a Social Worker by day ,a Sales Associate by night and manages our Aquarium business on the weekends. Last I heard it's not doing to well. My attorney will be appraising his business, 401 K and his net worth statement to see if I can get temporary maintenance (Pendente lite). Looking at my husbands net worth statement he has a substantial amount of debt to pay, his student loan, child support, car note, legal fees, and two major credit cards. Honestly I don't want a divorce I love my husband very much and that is why I'm contesting the divorce.. I don't believe in it. I believe that we can go to counsel and work it out. I don't want to hurt my husband financially. Apparently he doesn't care enough about my finances huh? To this day I still don't know why he left me. There was no fight or disagreement. Finally, my question is... How can my husband get a divorce without me consenting to the divorce decree? Can I get permanent spousal support now that I'm disabled? Can my husband be held accountable for my debt and legal fees with a substantial amount of debt? Can the judge order us counsel instead of a divorce? There is no legal separation he just abandon me without rime or reason for over 17 months does that qualify him for grounds to file constructive abandonment? I didn't leave him, he left me I have grounds for divorce! He constructively abandon me! I don't have a clue as to where he is. He don't talk, e-mail , call or text me for any reason. What chance do I have of getting my husband back? What ever happend to In Sickness and In Health, til death do us Part? Am I making any sense? If not help me understand how this works please!!!
Sorry for the long letter! Thank you for your outstanding patience and cooperation

Disappointed!