GotBurned
New
Reged: 04/16/08
Posts: 4
|
|
well i find out 2 days before i turn 30 and 4 days after our family vacation that my wife isn't happy and wants to seperate. floored had no idea, yeah we argued alittle her and there but nothing i though would cause this. everyone has there little disagreements her and there. so she leaves for a few days. (she is a hugh church go-er, i used to be but hadn't been in a while) so i get back in church she comes home we try but she doesn't seem like she is trying says she not happy shy away from me. so one day i am asking and pleading with her about what to do and whats wrong with her and i ask hey did you cheat on me and she said yes. FLOORED.. and she hasn't looked back since, been seeing him, going away on weekends, non stop talking to him. i tried to tell her i can forgive her and we can work through it. she wants no part. she just filed last wednesday. I didn't want to i wanted to try to fix it, i love her we have 3 girls at home. i love them can't stand to go one night without them. i have moved out and agreed to let her stay in our dream home we just bought a year ago so the kids woundlnt get to upset. i have been out a week now and now she is using everthing against me like this is all my fault and then she tells me today that her lawyer said that i am going to pay child support. she forgot to tell her lawyer that she cheated on me. she told him that we just grew apart. what can i do? i know nothing and she wont tell me what her lawyer has said and she is using every little thing to ruin my life. i cry all the time and have lost 28 pounds in about 5 weeks. can i still go to my house, she says i will go to jail. and the custody thing yes i want them but i believe a man shoudlnt' take them from there mother. but the way we both work i have them more than she does anyway. its been like that for 3 years now. i have cooked and bathed them more in the last 3 years than she has. my friends always so that i always have them girls. cause when she is off we have them together. its all starting to get real rough and i dont know what the laws are or what to do. im tired of her playing me like a fool.
|
chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1144
|
|
your a guy and she has a lawer. You need one also now. There would have to be a very good reason for you to go to jail not just child support or a divorce. You will most likly have to pay child support unless you can get 50/50 but you will need a lawer for that. The cheating will have no bearing on anything. sorry your in this but it works out.
|
GotBurned
New
Reged: 04/16/08
Posts: 4
|
|
so she can do what she wants and its alright? i mean i moved so the kids wouldn't be out of place right before school was out. i still help her live in our house and pay some of the bills. i have been giving and giving. she hasn't given back at all. she dropped the kids off at her moms last night to go spend the night with him again. she never has them and when she does she is saying i need a break. so what do you mean 50/50. I know nothing about the laws. is there a way i dont have to pay. i mean she is the one cheated shes the one that didn't want to try to work it out, she is the one that wants the divorse, shes one that wants to move on and get married to him already, and remember this was all new to me. like i said floored and i still am. lost and confused and dont know what to do.
Edited by GotBurned (04/17/08 08:07 AM)
|
chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1144
|
|
In Texas there is a no fault divorce. I've never heard of Cheating ever being an issue unless she had his child then it could still be legally yours because you were married. Not the case here anyway. 50/50 means that you have equal custody and visitations. There are lots of ways to work this out but it really has to be worked out between you and her. Just one example is the kids are with her one week and you the next. Of course that means you have to both live close to the school. You alternate hollidays. In Texas the standerd is visitation is the kids live with the custodial parent and the other parent gets visitation for 2 hours on Thursdays and every 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend and 30 days in the summer plus every other holliday. I've sat down and the way I just mentioned works out to equal time if you take out the school days. The best thing for the kids is if the two of you can work together on a visitation schedual. The court will not force the two of you to stay married so if she doesn't want to work things out there is not much you can do. Who is primary care giver rigt now and in the last year? Feel free to ask anything your sure of.
|
GotBurned
New
Reged: 04/16/08
Posts: 4
|
|
so what do i have to do to get the 50/50. she wont tell me what her and her lawyer talked about. will my lawyer and hers talk and we settle on something before the court. or will the judge decide?
|
chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1144
|
|
Your lawer will try and work something out before court. The only way I can see any guy gettinig 50/50 is if they can be civil and work things out with the X without lawers. If you can do this I think it is still a good idea to have a lawer to make sure all the wording is right in the papers. I can't help but think that there is more to this story then either you know or are telling. Her and her lawer have no reason to tell you anything and you'll have to see what they have filed in court. A lawer can help you sort through all this stuff. Has anything ben filed yet? Have you gone online and checked. You can google the county court house. Most have web pages that you can go and look up court info.
|
Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 1966
|
|
You need an attorney yesterday. If I were you, I'd see an attorney, and immediately move back into the family home. It's been 5 weeks now....I'd say I gave her time to come to her senses (which she didn't) rather than calling it moving out. At this point, the law will concede you abandoned the family, and give her the house and kids. Beyond that, expect she will be moving her new lover in the house in just a few more weeks or months. While you viewed leaving as creating stability for the children, and, as you put it, you don't want to take the children from their mother, she is going to take them from you. The picture here is very clear. See an attorney NOW! If you do nothing, your wife and the courts are going to absolutely trample you.
|
GotBurned
New
Reged: 04/16/08
Posts: 4
|
|
she has filed i just haven't got the papers yet. i have contacted an attorney and they said for me to wait a couple days till i get the papers and then come in. it has been 5 weeks since she has told me that she cheated. it has only been a week and a half since i have lived there and if i would have stayed she would have taken the kids and left. i didn't want her to take the kids from there home and make it worse on them. how can that be abandonment? i see them everyday and i have them on the weekends. she has already started every other weekend thing. she works every other weekend. so i have had them anyway for 2 years now. the only difference now is that they stay with me and she dont see them after she gets off, which some of the time she only seen them for about an hour till they went to bed. so thats not a big change to them except staying at my house. then i have them on the days she works from the time they get out of school till she gets off which is about 7:30-8:00pm. she has told me that we are legally seperated and she can do what she wants. they are already a couple and have been. she has said that she is marrying him in the near future. the hard part is the girls haven't even meet him. i dont think i can handle that right now. but how does she know he will even like being around them. he is 41, she is 30. i just can't and are not ready for her to tell the kids hey this is mommys boyfriend. oh god no. what has hurt me the most is that she is moving so fast and hasn't cared how the girls or I have been taking all this. im still in shock and awe. i just dont want to end up getting the shaft what something i never wanted. i mean i am losing our dream home, my wife, my family, my in laws, and my life, i just dont know what to do anymore. and she always slurs stuff to me like her and her lawyer are up to somethng. i need help.....
Edited by GotBurned (04/18/08 08:17 AM)
|
Cochise
New
Reged: 04/17/08
Posts: 5
|
|
I feel for you man. I can't give you any legal advice, but I'll tell you this.
Just focus on your kids right now. Work with your lawyer to get this all ironed out. Forget about your wife. Yeah it sucks and yeah it hurts, but in time things will be better and in time you will be happier. Its time to man up. And if you happen to work somewhere that has some sort of 'Employment Assistance' program, take advantage of it, use it. A lot of those even let you talk to a therapist for like free for the first 1 to 5 consultations. It can really help, let you vent, let you talk to someone who will give sound advice. Then like I said, put the ex-wife behind you and concentrate on your little girls. Yes, the ex-wife will always be there because she is their mom but you have to be the dad and the man of the situation. Be strong for your kids and be strong for yourself. Things will work out for the better. This is just one of those trials in life you have to go through, its like a test. You can succeed. Good luck man.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
