nucleus
Bronze
Reged: 04/02/08
Posts: 43
|
|
in regards to the mother....my concern is that in the early stages of divorce which is where i am at my stbx constantly threatens to take our son whenever he wants and there is nothing i can do about it. i have agreed to 1 night a week and every other weekend. but currently i can't stop him from picking up our son at daycare whenever he wants. currently my attorney is scheduling a default hearing b/c he did not respond to the divorce papers in time. if i am requesting every other weekend and 1 night a week in the divorce, and the stbx is seeing the child more then that against my wishes, how does that effect my chances of getting the standard visitation that i requested in the divorce papers?
a little background, stbx has no place to live on his own (he is with his parents) been unemployed for over 2 months and is helping with nothing financially. i personally think the visitation that i suggested is appropriate.
|
saamrodi
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2899
Loc: here
|
|
[quote]in regards to the mother....my concern is that in the early stages of divorce which is where i am at my stbx constantly threatens to take our son whenever he wants and there is nothing i can do about it. i have agreed to 1 night a week and every other weekend. but currently i can't stop him from picking up our son at daycare whenever he wants. currently my attorney is scheduling a default hearing b/c he did not respond to the divorce papers in time. if i am requesting every other weekend and 1 night a week in the divorce, and the stbx is seeing the child more then that against my wishes, how does that effect my chances of getting the standard visitation that i requested in the divorce papers?
a little background, stbx has no place to live on his own (he is with his parents) been unemployed for over 2 months and is helping with nothing financially. i personally think the visitation that i suggested is appropriate. [/quote]
"but currently i can't stop him from picking up our son at daycare whenever he wants."
---> ??? You know.....how is that a bad thing? Your obviously unavailable to watch the child; hence being in daycare. Why?...is that a problem?
"if i am requesting every other weekend and 1 night a week in the divorce, and the stbx is seeing the child more then that against my wishes"
----> Do your wishes....benefit the child more? Or does spending more time with one of the available parents?
"stbx has no place to live on his own (he is with his parents) been unemployed for over 2 months and is helping with nothing financially. i personally think the visitation that i suggested is appropriate."
----> Ok...so no place to live but lives with parents. I would say that is a place to live and his grandparents arent druggies, alcholics, or anything else like that I assume. I may be wrong. Not exactly brag rights, but its a place to stay.
--->I do not agree with a parent not financially helping out, but I dont feel its right to use amount of visitation time in comparison with how much the father pays. Standard visitation is the basic guideline and will usually be given, but why restrict it to JUST the supposed ordered times when the opportunities are there outside of them? Who's being hurt here?
--->Is there a valid reason you want to keep it to just standard visitation times?
--->Im sure this will be taken harsh...and well it is...do you REALIZE what some of us would do...FOR OUR KIDS...for the other parent to even ACT LIKE THEY GIVE A D*MN and WANT...to spend time with them?
--->I understand that in the beginning that things are clouded and there is usually alot of hurt and resentment, but please KEEP IT between you and your stbx. Dont start dragging your child into the middle of this as a tool.
|
Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2126
|
|
Does your ex have an attorney? You better hope they are not snooping around here. Your post here alone, is ammo for him. The first priority in determining custody, is the parent's ability to work with the other parent.
|
JenH03
Platinum
Reged: 02/07/08
Posts: 222
|
|
I agree with Saamrodi, living with parents isn't the worst thing in the world, and certainly no reason to keep your son's father from seeing him. My husband lived with his sister and her husband for awhile after his divorce because he couldn't afford his own place at first, but it didn't make him unworthy of seeing his kids. Hell, he and I live with my parents right now because I lost my job and I'm pregnant and we needed help. If my husband's ex said for that reason that the kids couldn't come over, she'd hear from ME, and she NEVER hears from me!
Unless he's a danger to your son, why shouldn't he get to see him often? Divorce doesn't make him less of a dad, and though I do think he should be supporting him financially, the courts aren't going to consider that for custody. And though it might make him look better, technically until there is a support order in place, he doesn't have to pay you child support (I'm not agreeing with this, just stating the facts).
Too often, dads get turned into visitors in their kids' lives, and that just sucks. And the kids suffer the most. Why shouldn't your son see his dad? If it's possible for the two of you to have equal time, why shouldn't you? I think it really sucks that the norm is still that mom gets custody and dad gets every other weekend. What if it was reversed and your STBX was trying to keep your son from you? Just something to think about.
|
Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3333
|
|
You need to file an ex parte motion for temp custody with a clear parenting plan in place.
How old is your child? If he's real young, more frequent visits would be better.
|
alister
New
Reged: 01/31/08
Posts: 15
|
|
Hi, it was a fantastic dating advice that you shared with us.
Thanks a lot!
--------------------
Dating Site
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
