guitar82
Platinum
Reged: 02/24/08
Posts: 373
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When is it appropiate to date?While seperated,divorced or after you think you are ready.How many of you have dated before you were ready?
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This is only a very short period in a very long life
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teachlit
Gold
Reged: 12/28/06
Posts: 197
Loc: WI
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I started dating 7 months or so after separation. I probably wasn't ready, but I was ready to have my bruised ego stroked. Now it's been 17 months since separating and 4 months post-divorce, and I am not healed to truly be in a relationship. I am currently in one, but with his being over an hour away and my lack of freetime, I see him about twice a month, making it difficult to develop stronger feelings. I guess it works for now b/c I know I'm not over my ex nor have I healed from being left. My ex, on the other hand, was dating within a few weeks if not earlier.
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boyzmom
Bronze
Reged: 03/26/08
Posts: 25
Loc: UT
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Hard question to answer. I dated someone while I was separated and they were a rock during a very awful and trying time. I've dated men who were separated and it nearly broke my heart when they said they weren't "emotionally ready" (not that I was proposing). Guess I'd say that if you do decide to date soon after getting separated, make sure you don't inadvertently lead someone on to believe that you're going to make any kind of commitment. Be honest with whomever you date about where you're at and what you're going through and you should be fine.
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is it over
Platinum
Reged: 11/19/06
Posts: 308
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Guitar,
You are NOT ready to date. Please consider the women out there who may fall for you, and you can't even decide from one hour to the next if you want to work on your marriage or walk away and start over. It may feel easier at the time if you have another woman, any woman, but you know (from your own experience), that this does not help you get your head and mind straight. Take some time.. no dating.. but you can mingle, party, interact with females, just please no dating until you have made up your mind.. and even then wait about a month.. make sure your mind is set on moving forward..
jmho
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3191
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Quote:
When is it appropiate to date?While seperated,divorced or after you think you are ready.How many of you have dated before you were ready?
When you are no longer legally married. It simply isn't fair to anyone you date. And will ony complicate issues in your divorce.
And definitely not shortly after separation or if you are or have contemplated getting back together with your wife.
In other words, don't deal with the divorce by jumping into another relationship.
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guitar82
Platinum
Reged: 02/24/08
Posts: 373
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Well,I'm upfront and tell them I'm seperated and will get divorce soon,that I'm just looking for someone to hangout with and not looking for any relationship right now,but maybe something could happen.
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This is only a very short period in a very long life
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guitar82
Platinum
Reged: 02/24/08
Posts: 373
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I may not be ready to date,but a guy can have some fun to maybe help figure things out,right?
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This is only a very short period in a very long life
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3191
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Quote:
Well,I'm upfront and tell them I'm seperated and will get divorce soon,that I'm just looking for someone to hangout with and not looking for any relationship right now,but maybe something could happen.
Upfront? So you have told them that you haven't completely made up your mind, that you keep going back and forth between trying to work it out and going ahead with the divorce?
You really aren't ready to date. You aren't doing them a favor and you aren't helping your healing process.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3191
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Quote:
I may not be ready to date,but a guy can have some fun to maybe help figure things out,right?
You are certainly free to complicate your life even more. Fun? Just how fun do you think it will be if your stbx gets wind of you dating while still married to her? That will sure help you figure things out. And could lead to a very bitter and drawn out divorce.
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guitar82
Platinum
Reged: 02/24/08
Posts: 373
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She is out there too looking,so I don't feel abit ashamed about what I'm doing.She is trying to put distance between us to figure things out.As far as I'm concerned,maybe date for awhile then see if I still want her enough to try the boyfriend /girlfriend thing she wants to do.This is what she wanted.
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This is only a very short period in a very long life
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