flint
New
Reged: 04/22/08
Posts: 2
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So i've been married for 6 years, and have 3 kids. The past 2 years have been hard dealing with stress with work and finances but always felt that there were better days ahead as long as my wife and i stayed focused. last summer she starts to tell me that she's been feeling depressed and neglected by me, that i work too much, etc. i try explaining that i'm doing everything i can, working hard, taking of kids, what more do you want? now in January she says she wants a separation saying she doesnt love me anymore. we agreed to try counseling but she only went to 2 sessions before saying she would rather do individual counseling. now 4 months later she wants a divorce. since i still love my wife and feel that our issues can be resolved these last 4 months have been extremely hard for me. i've lost weight, can't sleep, dont understand why its now too late to work things out. now that i've accepted that theres nothing more i can do to save the marriage i'm wondering what i should do. do i have to move out? i'm the one who takes care of our 2 sons and i pick up our daughter from school every day and have a flexible job which allows me more time with the kids. why should i have to move out? nothing has been filed or signed but should i file? would that make things easier? please help...
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jakandme
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 569
Loc: on my way up the hill
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I'm sorry you have to be going through this. As for some of your questions: I could be wrong but until she gets a paper from a lawyer or judge stating that she has exclusive use of the house, then no you don't have to move out. If you want to file first then you would know what your right are. This emotional roller coaster is just now starting for you I'm afraid but believe me when I tell you that it gets easier. Don't panic, take a deep breath. Think about what you need and want. If you really really want to save your marriage, then suggest more counseling, give her space and then work hard on yourself and see what it is that she needs. You are one of the good ones to take such good care of your kids. It will all work out ok if you keep calm and try to sort through all of this muck. IF you want to save your marriage just wait about the lawyer, IF you want out, then see one to get visitation and custody things in writing. I'm sorry I can't be of anymore help than that.
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What is the future but a mirrored image of the past? Only we can make it better or worse!
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WhatNext
Gold
Reged: 10/11/06
Posts: 184
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Sorry you are going through this also.
Any chance she is having an affair?
Good luck.
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flint
New
Reged: 04/22/08
Posts: 2
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thanks for the response! she says that she's not having an affair. our problems were the way we communicated and over the years she felt that i took her for granted. thru individual counseling i've realized where i messed up but now when i go to her to apologize, and try to show her how things will be different she just said its too late. so dont know what to do anymore...
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ATVILLAS
Platinum
Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 2283
Loc: Lost in the post D maze!!
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I would suggest you do not move out, don't even leave the bedroom. If she wants to move or sleep in a separate room don't stop her. If she needs space for awhile do the best you can to give it to her without leaving.
Don't stop councilling, encourage her to continue with hers. Don't be pushy or impatient. Keep interested in her feelings but if she doesn't want to talk let it drop for now but don't give up.
Thats the best I can offer and it comes from looking back on my previous feelings.
All the best
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Help someone smile today!!!
Welcome to paradise!!!
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ATVILLAS
Platinum
Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 2283
Loc: Lost in the post D maze!!
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Just wanted to add, don't apologise and don't try to tell her how things will be different, just do the things that you feel you didn't do in the past and be sure you are doing these things for yourself. Do not make changes thinking the reward will be the saving of your marriage and your wife or you are doomed from the start. JMO
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Help someone smile today!!!
Welcome to paradise!!!
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