gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5168
|
|
Why don't you subpoena her income from her employer or her last IRS stmt? Whenever they refuse to give, it's almost always something interesting that they're keeping from us! Last time we did it, we found out the ex was making $10K a year more than she testified to.
|
Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3492
|
|
[quote][quote]The problem is the vagueness of what is included in child support.[/quote]
Yes that's exactly right. When we were negotiating this, I said, "Why do I have to pay for this separately when it is one of the stated purposes of child support?"
Her response, "I've seen the numbers, child support is not enough to actually support the children."
And I say, "Well that's because you also need to kick in and do your part to support the children. You also have a financial responsibility to them."
Her response, "No, I stay home and you bring me money. That's how it's always worked. There's no way an intelligent, college-educated person like my self can earn real money."
This was clearly going nowhere good so we put what we had into the agreement and moved on to other issues. [/quote]
Because child support doesn't cover extracurricular activities. At least, ones that are repetitive like tuition for karate.
You set yourself up for one big power struggle when you refused to come to an agreement and worded it the way you did. You can't blame it entirely on your ex.
And to get yourself out of this power struggle, you may have to go to court for clarification or for the judge to decide just how much of the extracurricular activities is covered by child support. Because this isn't going to go away until you do get it clarified.
|
KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
|
|
[quote]You set yourself up for one big power struggle when you refused to come to an agreement and worded it the way you did. You can't blame it entirely on your ex.[/quote]
I believe I'm taking my share of responsibility for this. I don't see where I'm blaming my ex.
I hope you intend 2nd person plural when you say, "You refused to come to an agreement."
My lawyer told me that "normal" extracurriculars were covered by child support but we could tack on more if we deemed our situation special. I realize that normal is subjective. You claim that no extracurriculars are covered by CS. My information is probably specific to Colorado. Where does your information come from?
My personal experience in negotiating a divorce agreement is that you're not going to be able to get crisp resolution on every issue. My divorce took 1-1/2 years to work out. At some point you reach a point of diminishing returns and you go with the best you can do and you hope that a bit of time post-divorce will help smooth things out, which it absolutely has for many of our points of friction.
|
KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
|
|
[quote]Why don't you subpoena her income from her employer or her last IRS stmt? Whenever they refuse to give, it's almost always something interesting that they're keeping from us! Last time we did it, we found out the ex was making $10K a year more than she testified to. [/quote]
CS is based on an imputed income for her. She's imputed above minimum wage due to college degree and other credentials. She's underemployed and I doubt she's earning more than the imputed income. If she is, it is probably not much more and is probably at least partially under the table.
Edited by KGrow (04/25/08 11:52 AM)
|
stoltz
Platinum
Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1493
Loc: Texas
|
|
I always wondered why kids and their parents bend to the will of extra-curricular activities anyway.
|
ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 398
|
|
[quote] Her response, "No, I stay home and you bring me money. That's how it's always worked. There's no way an intelligent, college-educated person like my self can earn real money.[quote]
OMG!!!! I cannot believe she actually said that... out loud. I couldnt finish clollege (financial reasons) and I consiter myself fairly intelligent, I am a full time momma. I go out every day and work for what I need/want. I do not make massive amounts of money, but I am able to hold my own, for the most part... and without consistant child support. I would KILL for the chance to finish school, but all my credits are lost after 5 years, I would have to start over. This mentality is what is wrong with women... WTF wants to be dependant on anybody when the can do for themselves? Sorry.... this is a hot button of mine.... the whole "world owes me" mentality is selfish and immature.
Now... as far as extra curriculars.... how many are we talking? Our kids (DH & mine) can do one paid activity at a time and can do one week at camp. This is fair, and since DH and I put up the money (eventually we should get reinbursed 1/2 for his two & my ex *ha ha ha ha* doesn't even pay support). We do not use support for extra curriculars. If it is worded in your agreement to use support for curriculars I would say the two of you split the remainder 50/50. Say camp is 150.00... support pays 50, you pay 50, and she pays 50. Would this work?
|
ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 398
|
|
stoltz, just b/c you prefer your kids to sit all summer with their thumbs up their rear ends doesn't mean the rest of us think that is a productive way to encourage learning/social development in children. As with every thing else in life balance is the key.
|
stoltz
Platinum
Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1493
Loc: Texas
|
|
I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, only that it seems to control the parent's and children's in many instances rather than being a positive factor for everyone - the children included.
|
KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
|
|
[quote][quote]Her response, "No, I stay home and you bring me money. That's how it's always worked. There's no way an intelligent, college-educated person like my self can earn real money.[quote]
OMG!!!! I cannot believe she actually said that... out loud.[/quote]
To be fair, she said something more along the lines of, "I'm making my contribution by staying at home and taking care of the kids." and, "I won't be able to find a decent job. Who would hire me?"
She also said, "I'm going to be alone forever." A month later she'd hooked up with the dude who she's been with since.
This was back when things were very raw for us. It's much better now.
I can have a bit more compassion about the whole entitlement thing when it is so apparent it is rooted in deep self-esteem issues.
|
ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 398
|
|
this is where balance is the key. Anything positive for the kids should be positive for the parents.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
