What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 705
Loc: PA
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for those not following along, my wife is disabled and living with me until a few months, i just filed but she didnt get the papers...so ill have to drive her to the PO to get them when they come. Obviously we have stress in the house.
last night i made comment about the girl that closed her local credit union account....in the past my wife wouldnt have minded this and even would have made the same comment to me....but now she said im tired of you saying stuff like that since we are getting D...ok fine i can get that but she's the one that says she wanted to keep it like it always was until she leaves and not get all pissy with each other :)
...anyway so i just was quiet and stood at the microwave waiting for dinner to heat up..just faced it and didnt see anything of her since she was beside/back of me....she said are you giving me silent treatment..i said nothing..then she playfully touched my butt and back trying to get reaction..nothing and i stood still....now i couldnt see what she was doing and it was quiet so i waited about 30 sec then turned...then felt it...she apparently had taken a needle and put it near but not touching my arm so when i turned, i ran into it..she said sorry she didnt think i would move..what the fluck..who puts a needle to someones arm to get attention like that. i said that is a stupid thing to do to get attention, there are other ways of doing it...i said i'm sure people will love to hear you are sticking needles in me now....she said sorry she just was trying to get a reaction out of me...then i gave her silent treatment and she said are you still mad at me,, i said no but she knew i was and said so..then 1 hour later said will you be mad all night..i said no..see she has zero contact with the outside world but i can sit there all night and not say a word but it kills her when i dont talk to her..but shat under this circumstance who would blame me for not wanting to talk to her? now this week she got an earful from her sis who said her bf was a total jerkface so my wife isnt looking forward to moving in with them but hey is that my problem..no...and why stick a needle in me to take it out on me?
so WTF is going on..have any of you woman on here done something like this and can you explain your behavior if you did?
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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Ang22007
Platinum
Reged: 06/05/07
Posts: 285
Loc: NM
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I have been folllowing along and sorry, but I think she found herself with someone pouting and tried to put some fun in it (you said she was trying to keep it as is until she moved out). I agree that a needle may have not been the best device, but she was just "poking" at you, trying to get you out of your grump. She wasn't trying to stab you or anything (I don't think). Sounds like you all used to have the "hey that chick was cute"/ "dang that guy was hot" and now you are both hurt and going off on every little comment/playful act.
I think that she realizes how "bad" she was and is trying to change and as that may be a little too late for you, I think that you blew this situation out of proportion.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3239
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My opinion? You were acting like a jerk. What she did was wrong, but so were you.
And it seems to me that you were already giving her the silent treatment BEFORE the incident with the needle (which I would make clear had better never happen again or she will be facing assault charges).
You were playing a game with her to see what she would do.
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Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2223
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She was just being "impy." I'd blow it off.
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saamrodi
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2898
Loc: here
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Whatever the behavior is considered on both sides, bringing in an object like a needle is uncalled for.
Alot of people would take that incident and get a restraining order or something. I wouldnt personally go that far, but the needle thing was ridiculous.
Just plain wierd.
("impy".....hmm...ltm...thats a new one)
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"A man must not deny his manifest abilities, for that is to evade his obligations." ~W.F.~
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alister
New
Reged: 01/31/08
Posts: 15
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Hi, it was a fantastic dating advice that you shared with us.
Thanks a lot!
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Dating Site
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4839
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Do you recall a while back when I told you that a long term of living in the same house with someone you no longer love would be a disaster waiting to happen? Well, this is the kind of disaster. You should not give the silent treatment to a housemate. That is emotionally nasty. SHe should never poke at or especially EVEN COME CLOSE to poking someone with a needle. That's domestic violence. And if you were a woman and she was a man, you can bet there'd be a whole lot of people here telling you to run & get a restraining order against ehr and get her kicked out of the house for that. It's VERY wrong. But I think that the response of getting a restraining order for every stupid thing that people do that ends up with someone tripping over a chair, walking into a needle, bumping against a door that's being slammed... it's excessive.
This is an "I told you so", so that you understand WHY I said what I did back then and maybe you will be more motivated to get the separation moving forward. It doesn't matter how well-intentioned you are about being kind to her and not tossing her out onto the streets, the failure to do so has ended up with the two of you prodding & poking and living in high tension, giving each other the silent treatment and getting angry over stupid comments.
It's a recipe for disaster and I think you're lucky it was only a needle stick. If someone ever asks "should I stay around and pretend everything is OK before separating", make certain you remember this and let them know that for you, allowing things to linger after you made the final decision to split was not a good situation to live in.
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 705
Loc: PA
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yes but knowing my situation, wouldnt moving out mean i abandoned her and me be viewed as a bad hubby by the court? Im 100% her support system here. (i'm ignoring what you already know the reality is, that she is the one moving 4 hours away so i'm not gonna inconvenience myself by moving out of the house ill be retaining)
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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alister
New
Reged: 01/31/08
Posts: 15
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Nice job! It's really nice link that you have shared with us.
Thanks!
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Dating Site
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4839
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I'm not going back over the whole thing. You made the best decision you could at the time, but there were other options. I happen to think the disasters you worry about, being perceived as a mean man who abandoned ehr, are worse than allowing things to get to a point where you are ACTUALLY being hateful to her (silent treatment is a hateful thing. The fact that you seem to think it's an appropriate tactic or approach to anything is a little troubling... that you either have done it before or that you're justifying it because you have to do it now for your own sanity).
You know, you might want to contact that woman whho had the survey about men who had been abused within the past year. Given that your stbx was threatening you with a hypodermic needle as a joke/attempt to be playful. If a man had done that to a woman, her friends would be putting her up & helping her get an order of protection to oust him from teh house!
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micheal.col
New
Reged: 05/27/08
Posts: 10
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Hello, your advice was excellent and it really works for beginner also.
Thank you!
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Dating Services
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tookway2much
Platinum
Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 627
Loc: Going toward the light!
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I have said over and over.... Married people seeking a divorce and living together is in no way fun. I tried it, I hated it... Micheal is being crucified for giving his s2bx the silent treatment, and yet dare we ask was she acting indifferent before the needle incidence. And if she never expected him to move and to be stuck, what the hell was she doing with it to start with? Bull Shit.... Say it with me people,,, BULLSHIT
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I don't worry about the people in my past. There is a reason they are not in my future.
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