abbysfv
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Reged: 02/13/08
Posts: 576
Loc: LA, CA
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My stbx has told his family that he's concerned that I'm acting too depressed around my daughter. But when I asked him to watch her so I could see the therapist he said no because it's not his weekend. Did he just shoot himself in the foot if he tries to bring this up in court?
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Samsung
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Posts: 2019
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"But when I asked him to watch her so I could see the therapist he said no because it's not his weekend." Did he just shoot himself in the foot if he tries to bring this up in court?"
No, but you will shoot yourself in the foot if you tell the court this. Your depression is your responsiblity, and not his. Beyond that, unless you have some documented serious problems in the past, his words are going to be hearsay.
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abbysfv
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Reged: 02/13/08
Posts: 576
Loc: LA, CA
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I never said I was depressed I said I wanted to see my therapist. And I think you are right it is hearsay, it's pure conjecture on his part.
Edited by abbysfv (04/25/08 11:24 PM)
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Jada
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[quote] "But when I asked him to watch her so I could see the therapist he said no because it's not his weekend." Did he just shoot himself in the foot if he tries to bring this up in court?"
No, but you will shoot yourself in the foot if you tell the court this. Your depression is your responsiblity, and not his. Beyond that, unless you have some documented serious problems in the past, his words are going to be hearsay. [/quote]
How would she shoot herself in the foot? HE'S the one who is saying that she is depressed but refusing to help the mother of his child. And HE'S the one who is turning down extra time with his child.
And one can go to therapy without being depressed. Judges are smart enough to recognize that.
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Samsung
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Posts: 2019
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I'm not sure if I was clear in what I was saying, as it is clear another poster put another meaning to it, so I will re-word it.
You said you want to see a therapist. For whatever reason, it is none of my business.
You said you aren't seeing one, as it is your ex's fault.
This is what would look bad in court. You are 100% responsible for your own life. He has nothing to do with your appointments.
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abbysfv
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Loc: LA, CA
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Samsung,
He was supposed to have our daughter last weekend and totally f'ed it up and she spend 90% of the weekend with me. So since I wasn't able to see the therapist last weekend I asked him to watch her and said no because he wanted to stick to the schedule. And yes he does have that much nerve.
Also he has missed 50% of his custody times with her so far, yet is asking for even more custody because he's afraid that I might be crying in front of our daughter. I recently got the proof of his affair via old phone records and yes I have been somewhat stressed about that, but I think that an appropriate response to the situation.
I just think it's funny that he would bring up the fact that in his mind I'm too depressed but he's not concerned enough to put his social life on hold for an hour.
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Samsung
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I understand what you are saying. My point is what an attorney will do, if you say you don't get therapy because it is your ex's fault. Attorneys ask close ended, yes/no questions, that make it difficult to give an explanation.
The bottom line is you want some therapy, but either don't have anyone to watch your child (no support system), or aren't familier with daycare. The responsibilty does fall 100% upon you. And, an attorney will make a fool of you if you finger point to someone else for your appointments, EVEN if he is indirectly a contributing factor. What you need to do is set up an appointment with someone else watching the child. Some places provide daycare while you are there. Have you looked into it?
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ttina
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Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 397
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I wouldn't put too much creedence in what your STBX is saying. He is looking for his best intrests. Could it be he is trying (unconciously or otherwise) to get you to doubt yourself. If you feel youneed to see a therapist, then go. Find childcare through family, friends, church, or some other source than your STBX. You would need to do this if you had a medical doctor's appointment... this is no different. You cannot force the other parent to utilize his/her parenting time.
I would avoid boo hoo time while the child is around... if she is younger, then wait until she's in bed or down for a nap... if she's older have mini sessions in the bathroom if you cannot hold off until she is in bed. And if she does see you crying... oh well, it happens.... just tell her you're sad and that you need a hug. If she is older and understands what is going on, she may need this to feel it is okay to be sad too. So basically don't take his words to heart and make arraingements to do what you need to do.... even if he won't help.
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abbysfv
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Reged: 02/13/08
Posts: 576
Loc: LA, CA
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I was talking about one session. Of course I don't expect him to watch her every time I go, yes that would be totally unreasonable. He messed up his week (last week she spent 90% of the weekend over here) and I was asking him to help out this week, one time thing. I think it's ridiculous after he tells me no we can't watch her because HE now wants to stick to the schedule that he would bring up his concern that I might be acting too depressed.
Does that make sense? I know, it's hard to imagine that anyone would be so ridiculous, don't try to apply reasonable logic.
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taryn
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no one is going to care if a stbx states the other party is 'too depressed' during a divorce.
no kidding!
it's a divorce! for crying out loud!
but.
it you are on your own as far as getting to the therapist, or the grocery store or anywhere for that matter.
my stbx has cancelled on me so many times that it's on his time that i DONT make appointments/plans etc.
dont worry about being depressed though.
and,
IF you can, dont listen to anything he has to say.
you shouldnt even know what he thinks about you.
dont ask, dont listen, walk away.
(easier said than done of course)
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taryn.
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melanie14
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Posts: 3057
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avoid the jerk..get a babysitter. Don't ask him any more!And it's okay to cry. What would you be teaching your daughter if you hide your emotions? I don't get that line of reasoning. You are human and yes, you have feelings. Hope you are doing better!
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abbysfv
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Posts: 576
Loc: LA, CA
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melanie14 I think he's actually more concerned with him looking bad to our daughter. He doesn't want her to think daddy made mommy cry.
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abbysfv
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Reged: 02/13/08
Posts: 576
Loc: LA, CA
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[quote]
you are on your own as far as getting to the therapist, or the grocery store or anywhere for that matter.
my stbx has cancelled on me so many times that it's on his time that i DONT make appointments/plans etc.
[/quote]
Yeah same here he's already flaked on me a bunch of times. Basically when it's convenient for him he wants to see her. That's why I was so surprised that he would come to me and ask for more days. I guess the depression excuse was all he could come up with.
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tookway2much
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Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 626
Loc: Going toward the light!
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As we hear the word "X" should we automatically assume negative words can be exchanged. Don't worry about what he is saying. If you feel that you need to see a therapist, make arrangements to go without discussing it with your s2bx.
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I don't worry about the people in my past. There is a reason they are not in my future.
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scbeck
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Reged: 12/29/07
Posts: 818
Loc: New Brunswick Canada
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[quote]melanie14 I think he's actually more concerned with him looking bad to our daughter. He doesn't want her to think daddy made mommy cry. [/quote]
Abby I don't know your story, I know I have heard it but my brain has tured to mush during this mess,but just a reactionary thought when I read this post" Then he shoould have done everything he could have to make this marriage work and if it can't then he should be Mr Nice in getting things settled, that way Mommy won't be crying. Sad to say but he is the reason.
I will step off the soap box now. It just pi$$ed me off to think he is worried about his image when he obviously was unfaithful.
Christine
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This is the first day of the rest of my life. Or maybe tomorrow will be.
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abbysfv
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Reged: 02/13/08
Posts: 576
Loc: LA, CA
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Christine,
He has NPD, his image is his first priority. He's so messed up that he doesn't even realize that seeing another woman had any effect on our marriage. He has a very strange sense of entitlement.
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