gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5175
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OK, so here's the question: If your ex wanted to do something nice for you for Mother's day, what would you think of it? How far would be good to acknowledge that he NOW realizes that you're a good mother, and how far would be too far? What would creep you out? How long have you been divorced and what would you have thought if, the first Mother's day after the separation, he had said he wanted to take you and the kids out to dinner togehter?
I've always suggested that people do the shopping with the kids for the other parent, for birthdays and parent's days, but other than that, anything else is unnecessary and maybe unwelcome.
So... also, what have been the things that he has done with/for you for mother's day since the separation that have been good? And if he's done nothing, was it good? is there anything he could have done that would have made you happy?
And if you believe that being together would have made you happy, is this because YOU had been hoping for a reconciliation? And if you did NOT want reconciliation and he wanted to be together with you on Mother's day, would you have apprecitated it or been put out by it?
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Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2354
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First of all, the X is the X. He's not going to be too interested in making my Mother's Day special. And I'm SO not expecting it. And if he did, it would creep me out. There is a time and place for that and it's inside a loving, caring, committed relationship. Too little, too late. AND, I would never go out to dinner with him. Save that for my boyfriend or someone special.
Let him honor his own mother. I'm not her.
The best thing he could do is go shopping with my son for a card or something simple. The card/gift should be from my son, not the X.
"And if you believe that being together would have made you happy, is this because YOU had been hoping for a reconciliation?"
NO
"And if you did NOT want reconciliation and he wanted to be together with you on Mother's day, would you have appreciatated it or been put out by it?"
YUCK, JUST YUCK!!
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nucleus
Bronze
Reged: 04/02/08
Posts: 43
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First of all, the X is the X. He's not going to be too interested in making my Mother's Day special. And I'm SO not expecting it. And if he did, it would creep me out. There is a time and place for that and it's inside a loving, caring, committed relationship. Too little, too late. AND, I would never go out to dinner with him. Save that for my boyfriend or someone special.
Let him honor his own mother. I'm not her.
The best thing he could do is go shopping with my son for a card or something simple. The card/gift should be from my son, not the X.
"And if you believe that being together would have made you happy, is this because YOU had been hoping for a reconciliation?"
NO
"And if you did NOT want reconciliation and he wanted to be together with you on Mother's day, would you have appreciatated it or been put out by it?"
YUCK, JUST YUCK!!
>>>>>DITTO DITTO DITTO!!!
at this point i don't my X will even take our son shopping for something for me. i have to depend on my dad to take my son to get me something.
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ssrachel
Platinum
Reged: 05/23/07
Posts: 2084
Loc: a better place :)
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hmmmmmm? should i answer this one? anyone remember the christmas gift stbx tried to give me?
the chances of hell freezing over is greater than stbx buying me something, but on the teensy tiniest chance that he did, it would creep me out and make me wonder about his motives.
but to answer one of your questions, the first mother's day was exactly one week after he left me. had he wanted to take me out to dinner or spend the day with me and the kids, i would have jumped at it. i also would have been given false hope that maybe we will be getting back together. and of course it would have given the kids that false hope also. so i'm glad it didn't happen
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What you reap is what you sow and so it goes...
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alister
New
Reged: 01/31/08
Posts: 15
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Hello, this was the right thing that you have done. I don’t think that you were wrong.
All the best!
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Dating Site
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faith4two
Platinum
Reged: 11/11/07
Posts: 353
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The way our parenting time rotation works out, he has our child on Mother's Day and I on Father's Day. I sent an email to him a few days ago to see if he wanted to work something out to make a swap so that we could each have her on the respective parent's day.
I have heard nothing from him - and based on past history when it comes to this type of thing, I don't expect to either. My take is that he takes "no contact" a little TOO far.
So questions about gifts, reconciliation and whatnot aren't even on my radar screen....
In the meanwhile, on days that ARE my parenting time, my attitude shall be "EVERY day she's with me is Mother's Day!" and not get wrapped around an axle about a day which benefits the retail industry.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2509
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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1. it would not be good for our kids
2. there would be some odd hidden motive
3. ive had him around (and ruin) enough holidays in my life. no more.
4. it would be manipulative in SOME way....for SURE! and im all DONE being manipulated
so.
no.
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taryn.
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happytobdivorced
Platinum
Reged: 03/15/07
Posts: 1128
Loc: Hell, USA
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Taryn are you sure you weren't married to my ex. He would do the same things-if I let him. Which I don't anymore.
So YUCK! It creeps me out just to be in the same breathing space as him.
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Message for my ex "I think you know by now, I'm not the person I used to be"
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2509
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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[quote]So YUCK! It creeps me out just to be in the same breathing space as him. [/quote]
i have breath mints at my front do for this very reason. ;)
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taryn.
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alister
New
Reged: 01/31/08
Posts: 15
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Yes! Nice information that you have shared with us.
Thank you very much!
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Dating Site
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