What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 764
Loc: PA
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it's coming up this weekend. My atty has promised she will have her D papers in hand by this Friday (or at least the postcard requiring signature). Is that a fitting enough present? (ok that was a bad joke)
But really....what should i do? Continue to separate our junk/clean out closets and pretend its another day? Take her out to eat? Do something special...not do something special...bring home takeout she likes..just unsure what is best for her.
I already bought her flowers last weekend...months ago she asked me to buy them for her one more time so i surprised her last weekend with them. NO i dont know why she wanted them so you will have to ask her. I think it had something to do with properly drying some etc.
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5176
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Don't do a date with her. Don't serve her. Tell her that you just don't want to encourage her to think things will work between you, and that someday you hope you'll have fond memories of past anniversaries, but this won't be one of them, the anniversary just before she left, just after she had been told that you wanted a divorce... it's not going to be a good one, no matter what. There's no way to soften the blow really, other than to tell her that it's hard on you, too. Anything else would be either false hopes, or she'd accuse you of being a hypocrite.
I had a boyfriend, took me out to a wonderful day at an art fair & wine festival on the day he intended to use as the day he was going to say he wanted to date other people. His INTENT was to simply go from being exclusive to being non-exclusive, but the result was that there was no way I was going to continue to date him... WHAT was he THINKING???
For MONTHS after, till I finally got over being cheated upon with a woman I know to be a real witch... well... I was also pretty darned angry with him for making this huge pretense of softening the blow by pretending to have a good day with me at this fair, as if all the romantic stuff we were doing, looking at art that would look good in my living room or on his patio... talking about whether or not either or us would move closer to the other one, etc... was all just a ploy to pretend that all was well, when he had already gone on two dates with some other woman he'd just met (and who he had no idea I KNEW... and I knew more about her character than he did)... his pretense was ... nasty.
What did he think, that I was so pathetic that I needed this pretense? That I had no one who could be genuinely kind to me? That he was such a wonderful guy for treating me like a dating charity case? ICK
JUST ICK.
dont' do it. Dont' treat her like a dating charity case. Dont' be a hypocrite about an anniversary when you've got divorce papers filed and ready to serve.
There is no good time to serve papers, but an anniversary? ICK... JUST ICK.
Wait till next week and take her to the post office. But in the meantime, don't be a hypocrite and make a pretense that all is well when it will soon become obvious that the papers were ready and waiting for her.
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happy2bme
Platinum
Reged: 03/28/08
Posts: 219
Loc: Phoenix, AZ
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Go out on a date with someone else.
Seriously-- that's what I did for our anniversary in December. I was taken out for a killer prime rib dinner. I have no idea what he did, probably worked (as usual, he is married to his work).
You should at least do something nice for yourself.
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No man is happy who does not think himself so. ~Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5176
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WWIL, I am afraid there are a few people who may not remember that you are still living with your wife who is depressed, disabled, and desparately trying to save the marriage for this past few months, doing such things as moving her smoking out to another room when you're home, which appears to be a big deal to her, and poking at you with needles when your'e giving her the silent treatment in some misguided attempt to kid around with you.
She had her mother show up unannounced to you, for a week of hell as the mother berated you for not taking good enough care of her daughter, while refusing to become the woman's caretaker, herself. AND your therapist has speculated that maybe getting the divorce papers (which are ready to be delivered at any minute) might send your wife off the deep end into a suicide attempt.
AND this is not like you're trying to send her off the deep end. For all your wacky questions about whether or not you should be mean to her to make it easier for her to hate you, or whether you should kick her to the curb to fend for herself, you've been doing everything in your power to give her time to figure out what to do next, get used to the fact that you're wanting her out, etc.
Under those conditions, I doubt that going on a date with a different person would have been the recommendation? I hope?
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 764
Loc: PA
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hmm this is interesting...she is in a lotta pain past week and canceled her DR last night so i figured Id call and see if she wanted me to go to the store for her today. She just needed a few things so i will go myself. Then she asked me where the D paper are and that she wants to get things rolling. Very interesting
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5176
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Living in a loveless existence with a man who acts more hateful by the moment has to be draining and creating more pain. And knowing the papers are ready & not haivn htem is like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 764
Loc: PA
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i'm not acting hateful at all. buying her flowers, brining home food for her...watching tv like we always have...burning probably 100 DVD copies for her..sleeping in the same bed still...taking her out whenever she is well enough..even went clothing shopping with her 2x in the recent weeks.
id think hateful is not doing anything for her at all.
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 764
Loc: PA
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i took off yesterday because we had at least 4 different places to go and i needed to catch up on yardwork too...1st thing we did was go to the PO to get her registered letter about the filing...didnt open until we got home but we had a nice day together...got all accomplished she wanted to and i even reminded her we need to go to the toy store because she wanted 2 new toys for herself since she is convinced she will never find another man. Went out for dinner and then to her DR and she shared a moment with him which was nice for them both. When finally got home she wanted answers as to why i'm doing the D and i rehashed a few things but it came down to no matter what she wouldnt like the answer.
also she asked if i'm going after the 15k she took and i said no, i dont want money, i want the credit for it...so at least we know the biggest fight about that :)
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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micheal.col
New
Reged: 05/27/08
Posts: 10
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Yeah! I am with you and wishing you for great time!
All the best!
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Dating Services
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