But I'm going to anyway. It seems like when emotional distance grows in a marriage men tend to go into denial. That is why the guys tend to say things like "wow it came out of no where", "I thought we were happy" etc.
Women tend to take flight, they start to convince themselves that the marriage isn't what they want and they look to find fundamental reasons for why things didn't and/or won't work. You'll here phrases like "not connected" "incompatible" etc.
The most destructive of manifestations of the above are affairs. (Note: abuse is a disfunctional disease and not relevent to here.) I think men go into affairs "in general" as a distraction to problems at home, a way to forget the problems. While women go into them as a means of escape from the old relationship into a new one.
Of course this is blatantly gratuitous generalizing here and there are examples and exceptions.
You might be right. With mine, I kind of saw it happening, but I saw it being no worse than the relationship my parents had. I had always told myself I didn't want that kind of relationship. I wasn't happy with the relationship my wife and I had but just kind of accepted it as what it was. I just wish I'd have been able to spot some of the signs, known some of the solutions I know now, etc.
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Quote: It seems like when emotional distance grows in a marriage men tend to go into denial. That is why the guys tend to say things like "wow it came out of no where", "I thought we were happy" etc.
Women tend to take flight, they start to convince themselves that the marriage isn't what they want and they look to find fundamental reasons for why things didn't and/or won't work. You'll here phrases like "not connected" "incompatible" etc.
Call it generalizing if you like but what I think you have done is put into "laymans" terms the very root or seed if you like of the first step of marriage breakdown. In my particular case and others I am sure (45 - 55 age group) I would add that another important factor is mid age crisis (men) and menopause (women). These are critical points in our lives that can be very destructive if not understood and dealt with as a couple. Just my 2 cents
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