happy2bme
Platinum
Reged: 03/28/08
Posts: 219
Loc: Phoenix, AZ
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I have been dating this guy for about six months now... I like him a lot, the only problem is I seem to have such mixed feelings about him-- one day I can't wait to see him, the next I wish he would leave me alone.
It's painfully obvious he loves me more than I love him.
So what the hell is my problem? He treats me better than anyone ever has, he helps me in so many ways, his family adores me... why am I so wishy-washy?
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No man is happy who does not think himself so. ~Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
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Nish
Platinum
Reged: 02/18/07
Posts: 1300
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H2BM,
Well a few ideas spring to my mind. You are waiting for the other shoe to drop, because you feel he is too good to be true. Or, you don't feel you deserve someone this nice, so while a part of you wants to totally embrace this man, a part of you feels you need to "push" him away.
For me, it was the former, I had never experienced a man who was as warm, gentle, caring and loving as the man I married 2 years ago. Oh, the few that got that close to me over the years, seemed to start out that way, but in time, they changed.
I was afraid to let him in out of fear that he would change like my other 2 husbands and I didn't want to kind of hurt again. I was guarded and yet wanting him in my life.
I don't know how long it has been since your divorce and if you have worked through all the issues you need to. I know that for me it took a full year before I truly came to realize, this is the person he is 24/7 and it wasn't going to change.
He is a gentleman who is a gentle man. His very being exudes unconditional love. He says what he means and he means what he says. No mixed signals and no mind games.
I was afraid to commit, and yet he didn't leave. He made it clear that I had every right to take my time to decide what was right for me, and unless I told him to go, he would be there for the long haul.
He didn't force me to open up and express what I was concerned about, he let me tell him when I was ready. I knew I loved him but was afraid to let a person get that close to me. I told him that my ex had been warm and caring in the beginning but things changed. He said "I am not your ex, but don't just take my word for it, let me show you with my actions and then you decide."
I had to finish burying the ghost from my past marriage, so that I was free to accept the wonderful gift of his love. Each and every day is like a gift renewed. We have been together for 4 years and married for 2 years.
I hope you find the answers within yourself as to whether this is the man you want in your life or if you need to let him go. I strongly encourage you to talk with him about you issues and fears. If he is the man that he sounds like he is, this won't drive him away, it may well help to strengthen your bond and love.
I wish you all the best!
Nish
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happy2bme
Platinum
Reged: 03/28/08
Posts: 219
Loc: Phoenix, AZ
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Nish,
Thank you for your kind, well thought out words. How wonderful that you now have such an amazing relationship!
I thought about what you had written all afternoon after I read it. You are so right-- my biggest fear is he will turn out to be a jerk, because that has been the pattern with so many others before him.
My divorce was actually finalized yesterday, though I've been separated for over a year. It hit me harder than I thought it would, the finality of it. I called the new guy and he knew I was upset, he could tell from my voice. He came over, held me for awhile, took me to dinner, then gave me an amazing backrub and tucked me into bed.
I'm almost ready to let my guard down. He knows I've been through a lot, and he's very patient with me. I guess time will tell...
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No man is happy who does not think himself so. ~Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1416
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Jeez, and you're worried about this guy after he did this? Snag him........
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Here I am ladies.......come and get me. :-)
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happy2bme
Platinum
Reged: 03/28/08
Posts: 219
Loc: Phoenix, AZ
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haha! Yeah, I think maybe he's a keeper...
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No man is happy who does not think himself so. ~Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
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juliacinaz
Platinum
Reged: 02/03/08
Posts: 857
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Nish....TY so much for articulating what I have been going through this year! I too have met a wonderful man and I am so afraid. I don't trust myself because my ex fooled me and I involved a child and that is unforgivable in my book.
I know now I will be OK. Thanks for sharing.
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