justme1961
Gold
Reged: 03/11/08
Posts: 196
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Oh, ya I know what you mean. When the kids express their understanding and you wind up feeling worse. Last week my son had spring vacation. Per the divorce decree it is my week. His father has NEVER taken him (or my daughter) for his vacation week (February), the last time he took the kids for his summer vacation (2 weeks) was in 2004 and last year he blew off his week between Christmas and New Years. EOW visitation is a joke. My daughter wants nothing to do with her father. When my son goes to his father’s house, he normally goes sometime Saturday afternoon and he gets dropped off at home after church on Sunday. Last weekend was the first time my son visited with his father for the entire weekend (Friday night thru Sunday night). Gee, I wonder why that is…Maybe because we are going to court in a few weeks?
Anyway, because I have used most of my vacation time for court hearings (and I get over 4 weeks) I could not even spend any time with my son. So, I let him invite a friend over for a few to go dirtbiking-my husband is on SSDI so he is home all day. (We bought him a bike last fall and he had been itching to ride it all winter-waiting for all the snow to melt.) One night we ordered pizza, he told me we didn’t have to spend money on him and his friend. I bought gas for them almost everyday (my husband went with them one day too). My son told me I didn’t have to buy gas-he wouldn’t ride everyday (he LOVES riding). I told him not to worry about it, it was his vacation and he deserved to have fun (plus it was beautiful weather all week). But…I told him I couldn’t keep buying gas everyday.
I know the whole insurance deal from my daughter...her grades weren’t good enough to get a discount, so we paid more. I paid for driver’s ed and for her to get her license. My ex took her because I thought she would be less nervous in his sedan than in the big SUV I was driving at the time, but he wouldn’t pay the fee. About a month after she got her license my husband and I bought her a used car. Then, my husband put new brakes and some other stuff on it. What he couldn’t do, we sent to a mechanic. So, she probably drove the thing for a week and a half before it had an electrical fire in the dashboard and burned to the ground in our driveway. Luckily she was at home and not driving it. So she drove my car off and on for a few months (and got into 3 accidents).
I looked up Great Wolf Lodge…is it an indoor waterpark? There were a few listed so I wasn’t sure. If it is that place, it looks like fun! Good thing we don’t have any around here or my son would want to go there.
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ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 398
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Yes, The great Wolf Lodge is a waterpark... we are going to the one in Virginia. I would have loved to go to the beach for a week, but even though I have a freind who has a condo on the beach it would cost 750.00 for a week (great price) but if we were to pay that, we would have no money to eat or vacation on. With GWL, it is 500.00 for two nights... includes admission (3 days) room, towels... etc... and since DH's parents live 45 minutes away we can spend the rest of the week with them. It was the only way we could finance it reasonably... again... we planned on this four months ago... if I hadn't already paid the deposit... we wouldn't be going.
Your son knows you are doing the best you can... He loves you for it.
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golightly
Gold
Reged: 04/10/07
Posts: 141
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ttina -
It is clear as day to me what your ex is doing. He has a trade/skill that he is indeed using to make money. He just has his customers pay him cash, so that there is no paper trail (w-2's or 1099's or even bank records). He is even trying to use his lack of income (haha) to try to defraud the gov't into giving him disability benefits. Dirtbag all around!
You've got a couple of options here, if you want to pursue them:
Do a brainstorm about all the things he spends money on - eg the trip with your son. Then, document the things he does (ie keep a journal) that would seem to contradict a back injury. When you go to his house to pick up/ drop off your son, be observant - do you notice cars there that are not his that he may be "working" on? Take notes. Present all of this to the judge - and he will surely side with you.
That said, how are you going to ACTUALLY get blood from this stone? As you say, no wages to garnish etc... In a way, you almost don't need the judge. Once youhave a nice little stack of documented "notes," I would send them to your ex with a note that says your next step is to share the notes with the IRS and Social Security Office and police (re fraudulent disability claims), unless he starts sending cash your way so that your son doesn't have to lead a bare bones existence.
Sometimes you gotta stoop to their level. Just be careful not to involve your son in this - even to the extent of picking his brain for "evidence" - that's just not a healthy road to go down for either of you.
In the interim, have you tried the following tact? "When jr. is with you this weekend, can you take him to the mall and get him some new tennis shoes? He desperately needs them and we just can't afford it right now...." OR: "The fee for junior's summer camp is $X - here is the form to send in with the money. He really enjoys this every year..."
Another option is this: Make yourself forget about the money. This sounds hard, but actually might be the easiest and healthiest route for you, becuase it doesn't sound like the "system" has a way of making him pay up. Just because you choose to forget about it, does not make what he is doing "right" or absolve him of any guilt - but will take a load off your psyche. I'm sure you know a family or a single mom who gets by on less than what you do. Make them/ her your role model. Also, don't be too proud to accept or ask for help from your family. My sister in law had a child, and the father was an under-employed abusive alcoholic who already had 4 kids with 2 other women. She knew she didn't want this man in her kid's life (he beat her while she was pregnant!) so she has foregone any child support. It's tough for her, but she words really hard, and has her parents financial and logistical support (free daycare, transport, etc....) We set up a college fund for my neice; the other uncles make sure the little girl gets extra presents from them at X-mas and b-days....It's what family is about.
Good Luck to you.
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ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 398
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you're right... it is up to me how I react. When I wrote this post I was frustrated. I don't count on money from ex... it would be pointless. Son will have what he needs, and when he is grown he will know who took care of him financially. I have to throw myself a little pity party every now and again.
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asadmom
New
Reged: 05/07/08
Posts: 21
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[quote]In texas you can loose any one of your state issued licance for non payments. Hunting, fishing, drivers, and of them. [/quote]
Does this work if the court order is from another state? Our child support order is from Fl. EX is now a TX resident and I live in NC. He is now two months behind and I am just getting the paperwork started. Do you know how TX handles things from out of state courts?
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1309
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I would think so if the Texas attorney generals office went after him. I would think that FL. would have to be the state to initiate the forced payments but here you have to be three months or $500 behind.
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asadmom
New
Reged: 05/07/08
Posts: 21
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Thanks. He will be $3200. behind very shortly. I sent the paperwork yesterday to get copies of my court order from Fl. Talked to Fl and they say that since the children (actually child because one is now in college) live in NC that it will have to be handled here. Talked to NC and they say they will take over as soon as they have copies of the court order. Goodness, by he time I get all of this done he will be $6000. or more behind! I don't get it...support your kids, how hard is it? He has millions in assets and no job. This sucks.
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ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 398
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Welcome to my state!!! I will say I have a great relationship with my CS caseworker. It isn;t her fault ex won't pay. Does your ex have a steady paycheck? they can have his employer withdraw the CS directly from his paycheck.
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asadmom
New
Reged: 05/07/08
Posts: 21
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[quote]Welcome to my state!!! I will say I have a great relationship with my CS caseworker. It isn;t her fault ex won't pay. Does your ex have a steady paycheck? they can have his employer withdraw the CS directly from his paycheck. [/quote]
He claims he is now working. He has never had a real job before. There lies the problem. He may, in fact, be working but the paycheck will be minimal. He has millions in assets but no income per say. My child support was based on his assets. He is now claiming a ton of debt and that his assets are "tied up" and he can't sell anything. He wants child support based on his paycheck. It will drop my support from $1750 a month to less than $500. Right now though, he is behind. He skipped Feb. Then paid March and April. He has not paid May's and claims he won't.
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ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 398
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My ex is over 10000.00 behind. We have done the court merry go round since I filed in 2005. We were seperated in 2004. I averaged it out... ex has paid less than 75.00 of the ordered child support of 499.00 per month. He will pay when infront of a judge, but not any other time. Ex hasn't paid his portion of medical/dental (2000.00).... nor has he paid me the amounts owed to me from the divorce decree (approx 3000.00). I have court on 6/10 again... the last time we were in court the judge (finally) said something about seziure of assets. My case worker is filing paperwork about suspending or limiting his license. I will prepare you... collecting CS from someone who refuses to pay is a long drawn out process. NOTHING happens overnight. And just because you have a child support order doesn't mean he will pay.
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