tracirenne
New
Reged: 05/03/08
Posts: 4
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stbx has moved his new GF in, need some advice on dealing with the boys ( 6&3yrs old) questions about why the GF is the one reading them stories, giving them baths, giving them orders and disciplining them and dad is not when they spend the weekend at stbx’s house.
I already let the stbx know that I didn’t care about him moving on & moving new GF in, however I did care that his children are well…upset that the new GF is the one taking care of them when daddy should be.
I do not ask ‘What happened at Daddy’s house’, I do ask, ‘Did you have fun this weekend’. I just want to know that they are happy when they are away.
One more thing…any advice on what to do or say when the stbx drops the kids off and the new GF is in the car….I’m at a loss on this one.
Thanks in advance…
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2009
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Unless the kids are in danger, it's beyond your control, both from a legal perspective, and as a parent.
There are plenty of times where the other parent is not going to be available when the kids are with them
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1511
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Neutral neutral neutral. You need to play it unemotionally for your kids. Cooly shake her hand. AS for discipline and rules - it is his house and his decision on who helps with the kids.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3098
Loc: Colorado
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If the children are upset about the new regime at dad's house, you need to gently suggest that they need to speak to him, not you about that.
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ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 397
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A 3yo will likely go with the flow as far as bedtime rituals and who ie "telling" them what to do. The 6yo might question it, but more from the prespective of where is daddy at versus why is this woman taking over at daddy's house. With children that young, they don't really compare who is doing what, just that they are being taken care of. In their lives all adults give them "orders". Dicipline should be as constant as the child's action. As long as it is dicipline and not abuse, be happy she cares enough to teach your children right and wrong.
I guess what I'm saying is, the children are in a good environment. There are horror stories where children are filthy, allowed to stay up til all hours, not read to, not loved. Your STBX may realize that he isn't good at the "mothering" of your children and allows his GF to do it in his place. When you see this woman, don't think of her as competition... think of her as the woman who cares enough to look after your children, not for pay, not for obligation, not for manipulation... but because she genuinely cares. I am a stepmomma... granted my DH had been divorced a few years before I came into his life. I have taken over the same activities... not to the exclusion of him, but to the help of him. Now the kids are 7 and 9 and bathe themselves and read to themselves. I still give them "orders" and dicipline them and love them. DH is a good father, but he didn't have a clue on how to raise productive future adults. He was reactive instead of proactive. The kids are very good kids, but they were sooooo scared of doing something "wrong" or "bad" their personalities were stiffled. The oldest has ASD, mild, but there. DH was just as afraid of doing "wrong" and he didn't see his overprotection was not protecting at all. The kids now have opninions, likes, dislikes and *gasp* misbehave. I love it. I want them to be confident, secure and leaders. I love them. I will get off my soapbox now... This woman as an asset to the betterment of your children she is no threat to your place in their lives... you are and always will be the momma.
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