stoltz
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http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/1928899/Men-'not-interested-in-sex'.html
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Increasing numbers of middle-aged men are going off sex, according to relationship experts.
Counselling and sex therapy charity Relate says it has seen a 40 per cent increase in men who simply cannot be bothered to make love to their wives and partners.
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I really, really wonder if their sexual "turn off" is more related to the pressures they feel in their relationship. Many women think sex is 100% physical when it comes to men (IOW, men can do it whenever, wherever, however, with whomever), but men actually have a psychological side that can inhibit their sexual drive every bit as much as, if not moreso than, women.
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ATVILLAS
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Damn, thats whats wrong with me!! I was born in England!!!
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Help someone smile today!!!
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saamrodi
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So, you wonder if the race of b*tchy women is increasing..hmm...maybe.
Also, what exactly is "middle-aged" in a society that is living 1,2,3 decades longer than in history?
Besides, this is one study, Im sure there are plenty on females and their decreasing drives. I hear it all the time. Its the relationship that affects everything.
Goes both ways.
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"A man must not deny his manifest abilities, for that is to evade his obligations." ~W.F.~
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jbar
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I wonder how many of these men, who are no longer interested in sex, have been arbitrarily threatened by their wives with divorce and the loss of everything they have, if they failed to accede to their most outrageous demands.
I wonder how many more, then, became red-faced, stunned and nonplussed, when they found out that she really could do this. Lastly, I wonder how many then began to hate their own sexualities for getting them into such a mess, thus initiating a psychological aversion to sex, eventually leading to impotence.
I know that this is certainly what happened in my own case!
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ATVILLAS
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You poor guy jbar, you had to go through all that anxiety and then become impotent!
Damn, I am just a regular guy that doesn't think sex is the most important thing in life. I still enjoy it now and again and I can still perform just fine when the need arises, I just don't go around looking for it.
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picasso
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In thinking back on things, I can DEFINATELY say that there MUST be some kind of connection in order for me to be able to have sex with a woman.
Hell, I can remember the wife being angry about something, and I could just SENSE it...and I would have to stop because it just didnt feel right to do that with her when there was no emotional connection going on between us during the act.
yeah, I know, its not cool for guys to admit that kind of thing, but what the hell....I'm just being honest.
I can TRUTHFULLY say that I have been in the middle of it, and stopped because it didn't feel right (no puns, pls). I didnt just pork my wife, I wanted to make love with her each and every time....and if that "connection" wasn't there, then I could not continue.
Come to think of it, that happened more and more often towards the end....guess I should have seen it coming.
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NO FATE
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stoltz
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Reged: 01/29/07
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Loc: Texas
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So, you wonder if the race of b*tchy women is increasing..hmm...maybe.
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Let me try to convey my thinking clearly as I know what I want to say, but not sure if it will get conveyed properly ...
Women today are much different from woman say just 10-20 years ago. Call it "womens liberation", call it "womens empowerment", call it whatever you like. Increasingly, women are taking a more "masculine" role in our society (i.e., working more, entrenching themselves in traditional male roles - even becoming "stronger" in the assertive sense), while at the same time men are losing a lot of the things that have defined them as men in the past, and the two may be just coincidental or, as I believe, proportionally linked.
What I think is happening is that men are psychologically losing themselves today as their traditional roles in a family (and even society) are being threatened with extinction. I fear us men are slowly becoming less beneficial as women become more entrenched in traditional male roles, along with legislation/laws/judgements that further erode our traditional place in society. As I mentioned before, men - especially as we age - become more psychologically attached to sex, so I think the two are butting heads, therefore, the decline in sexual drive.
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Also, what exactly is "middle-aged" in a society that is living 1,2,3 decades longer than in history?
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I would define middle-aged to be roughly 35-55 years of age. Even the article mentioned 30-50 which is slightly skewed lower, IMHO.
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Besides, this is one study, Im sure there are plenty on females and their decreasing drives. I hear it all the time. Its the relationship that affects everything.
Goes both ways.
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I think it goes without saying that if a man is not having sex with his partner, he's either getting it on the side, or not getting it from anyone else period, so I would agree just in that vein of thinking.
One important thing to take away from this is that it breaks from traditional thinking that men in general are sex hounds (maybe in the 15-25 yr old range).
More importantly, there is a study that definitively shows that there is a sharp decrease in sexual drive on men as they age due most likely from psychological affects. Further, the affects are such that they no longer have the urge to "get it on" with their partner.
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stoltz
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Loc: Texas
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I wonder how many of these men, who are no longer interested in sex, have been arbitrarily threatened by their wives with divorce and the loss of everything they have, if they failed to accede to their most outrageous demands.
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I certainly believe this is the case many times. I've been witness to as well have heard from many men that a lot of marriages go into predictable stages, whereby things are great at first then slowly decline. The wife then takes on a more assertive role in the marriage further pushing the masculinity of the husband further to the backburner, which causes a psychological wall to be erected. Other things, such as children and the wife only wanting sex when and where SHE dictates (which over time becomes less frequent) further adds to the husband building his "wall".
True, there ARE men who like women in FULL control, but I can bet it is a VERY small percentage.
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Starion
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Loc: South Florida
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Maybe there just become too many strings and other things connected to it and they decide it just isn't worth the work/effort with the high potential downside. IMO many women use it as a weapon/tool/bribe/penalty and maybe the men are just tired of being manipulated that way.
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stoltz
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Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1478
Loc: Texas
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Maybe there just become too many strings and other things connected to it and they decide it just isn't worth the work/effort with the high potential downside. IMO many women use it as a weapon/tool/bribe/penalty and maybe the men are just tired of being manipulated that way.
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Exactly. I'm sure it's not an "overnight" thing, but something gradual over time that occurs until one day sexual pleasure with the partner becomes anything but pleasurable. (Again, women can probably relate more to this emotionally.) It's like you said, they weigh the upside (sexual gratification) with all the downsides (e.g., possible rejection yet again, manipulation, no actual pleasure aside from "emptying the tank") and figure its just not worth it. They figure why bother when they can get a lot more pleasure from a Victoria Secret catalog.
Psychologically speaking, men want to make love to a woman - not an ugly soul wrapped in a female body.
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mfergel
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I know I did this. Too many times I'd try to initiate and it was "It's time for sleep". If she had just once told me why she felt the way she did, then I think we could have worked together then on meeting each others needs.
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Here I am ladies.......come and get me. :-)
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germangirl631
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Loc: NJ
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My stbx would fall asleep downstairs in front of the TV, and then want to wake me up in the middle of the night for sex every time. As a mom working full-time, this is not something you can do repeatedly and still function the next day. My take was (and I told him this over and over) if you want to sleep with the TV, sleep with the TV. If you want to sleep with me, come up to bed when it's bedtime and not in the middle of the night just because you can't sleep. He still didn't get it. Could I have been any more clear? Who would want to have sex when the initiator clearly wasn't listening to their wishes and didn't seem to care at all about it?
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juliacinaz
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Mine did not touch me that much after the baby was born. I though it was because my body changed. Guess he was tired from screwing the barmaid at the sports bar.
I begged for sex and all he wanted was beer or baseball...hmmm? Must of been my fault? I pressured him too much? HA!
BTW Stoltz I have one word for you....WAAAAAAAH! If women have to take on male roles it is because men are not doing their part or society forces it. My ex immediately began to lose his job as soon as we got married. Grow up and stop blaming women for your problems. Look in a mirror. Start with yourself? JMHO
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stoltz
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Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1478
Loc: Texas
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BTW Stoltz I have one word for you....WAAAAAAAH!
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Why all the angst?
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If women have to take on male roles it is because men are not doing their part or society forces it.
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Right. Gotcha. Its funny but every year groups try to push young women/girls into Science & Engineering, but still the feminist howl that women aren't represented well in those areas, and so the next year there's an even bigger push, and the cycle continues. Wherein the reality is that most women/girls don;t like science/engineering! But lets force the issue some more and maybe they'll begin to like it. Hmmmm. I know, let's get more corporate sponsorship to make it work! Or, better yet, lobby congress to spend money on it! Maybe - just maybe - there are distinct roles for women and distinct roles for men in our society and trying to put a wedge into one's role just isn't the best idea. Alas, I digress, men are just lazy and therefore there is a shortage of male roles, so women need to fill it. Right.
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Grow up and stop blaming women for your problems.
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If you knew me - I mean REALLY knew me - you'd know that it isn't the women that I blame, but a society that continuously feeds their desires (usually based on flawed information). If nothing else, this study is just one more piece of evidence as to the problems it may be causing. Remember, the study said "The findings are a world away from just ten years ago, when hardly any men contacted them with a loss of libido" whereas now they are seeing "a 40 per cent increase in men who simply cannot be bothered to make love to their wives and partners." I guess it could be the water.
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ljlost
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relationship experts dont know shit!! Do you really think people are gonna be 100% honest in thier answers to these people. NO, not always.
SOME men are not interested in sex, SOME women are not interested in sex. SOME guys watch [censored], SOME women watch [censored], some guys like to cuddle just like women, some women are freaks, you just dont know. I dont believe in those relationship experts......once your in a relationship, things like sex, and conversation and all that start to slow down. Thats just life. Its up to the individuals in a relationship, both male and female to find something that will bring back the spark
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stoltz
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Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1478
Loc: Texas
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Do you really think people are gonna be 100% honest in thier answers to these people. NO, not always.
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That's the reason for the 40% decrease - men lie more today than 10 years ago!
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ljlost
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Loc: HELL
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NOw, that is true. lol
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juliacinaz
Platinum
Reged: 02/03/08
Posts: 770
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No angst....just get tired of the whining, complaining and blaming. Like I have said...focus on what you can change and let the rest go. It isn't society or women's fault men can't keep it up. Just another way to justify being a limpy!
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Starion
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Reged: 03/04/08
Posts: 122
Loc: South Florida
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In my case it wasn't a matter of getting/keeping it up. It was "i know you want it and I'm going to get something for it". Yes - I wanted it - and many times did it for the release and personal satisfaction. I realized I was becoming a user - because it was for physical release only. My love for her was gone. When banging her I was thinking of someone or something else. I never cheated on her. Then was the emotional penalty... her making me pay in many ways. I shut down as far as doing her - my hand was more satisfying. Of course it was my fault - but did she take any initiative ? no - that's not her responsibility - that's the man's job. Lot's of men want to bang her - I should feel lucky. Well... they can have her.
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Starion
Gold
Reged: 03/04/08
Posts: 122
Loc: South Florida
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Psychologically speaking, men want to make love to a woman - not an ugly soul wrapped in a female body.
Absolutely.
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jbar
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Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 977
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The wife then takes on a more assertive role in the marriage further pushing the masculinity of the husband further to the backburner, which causes a psychological wall to be erected.
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That's exactly what I was talking about. Do you think that she would be able to take on this assertive role if she didn't know that she has her husband "over a barrel"? Do you think that he would stand for it?
As soon as "no fault" divorce became emplaced in this country, any primary wage earner foolish enough to believe in American justice and saving or investing his money, became the financial slave of his spouse. Perhaps it is better for a man to abandon sex, altogether, than to take a chance on either displeasing his wife with his choice of time, place and manner, or by not being "ready" when she is. Worse yet, possibly promoting her paranoid feelings of jealousy and suspicions of infidelity, even if not justified, by enabling her to be certain that her husband is perfectly healthy and functional.
The combination of "no-fault" divorce and "marital property" law is a pernicious and deadly evil, which destroys marriages, and could only have been crafted in Hell, by the Evil One himself! There can rightly be only one or the other, but not both. For infantile fools to believe otherwise is equivalent to wanting to "have your cake and eat it too".
No doubt if vile, demagoguic politicians could get control of the bakeries in this country, the way they have control over marriage law, they would then require them to furnish free cakes to their customers, on demand, in the same way that men have to furnish free money, on demand, to their wives!
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picasso
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Posts: 1839
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[quote]Psychologically speaking, men want to make love to a woman - not an ugly soul wrapped in a female body.
Absolutely. [/quote]
No one wants to have sex with a pretty biatch. Think about it.
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NO FATE
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picasso
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Posts: 1839
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here's my take on the whole gender/role confusion:
My ex tried to be the "man" of the house, but I think there is something innate in women that makes them "automatically" also want to be the "woman" in a relationship.
When women either try to force themselves into, or are forced by their spouse into more of a masculine role in the household, it sets up an internal conflict.
In the beginning, she wanted to prove that she was a rock-solid woman that could wear the pants if she wanted to. Soon after the birth of our son however, her female instincts finally won, and she didnt have a choice anymore but to acknowledge her urge to be nurturing and caring...the more "typical" role of women in a marriage.
Women are seen by most men to be "soft" and "caring". Trust me, its NOT a bad thing, in fact, quite the opposite. Personally, I am very much attracted to women that are cuddly and emotionally available. It's part of what makes a woman a woman. Men don't like to admit it, but there is a part of us that envies a woman's ability to be "soft and mushy" openly, because that's what we want, too. We WANT to be able to express our love for our partner openly and often in a mushy way without risking diminishing our manly appearances.
It's a game of expectations. Women EXPECT men to be hard and stable...we;re not supposed to cry at funerals or when we see a sad movie. Men expect women to cry at movies like Forrest Gump, etc.
There are exceptions to the rule however. I personally think the sexiest thing a woman can wear is a nice summer sun-dress (preferably country yellow). Some men want nasty black lace corsages with garter belts. To each his (or her) own.
I just wish for once, instead of automatically expecting something from someone, we can all learn to just accept one another at face value....while still retaining the qualities that make us attractive to the opposite sex.
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NO FATE
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mistake#2
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Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3116
Loc: Florida
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[quote]I wonder how many of these men, who are no longer interested in sex, have been arbitrarily threatened by their wives with divorce and the loss of everything they have, if they failed to accede to their most outrageous demands.
I wonder how many more, then, became red-faced, stunned and nonplussed, when they found out that she really could do this. Lastly, I wonder how many then began to hate their own sexualities for getting them into such a mess, thus initiating a psychological aversion to sex, eventually leading to impotence.
I know that this is certainly what happened in my own case! [/quote]
hahahaahaaaaaaaaaaaa...JBAR you are tooooo funny.
So in one instance you go from hiring prostitutes and pissing & moaning that your ex could take everything because your banging for money to now your not meeting her outrageous sexual demands so she's going to take you for everything.
hahahaha, anything else to try and further your agenda for divorce shouldn't be legal for women to ascertain?
JBAR is impotent...NO WAY...I think it just finally came down to nobody was willing to give him any, regardless if they were paid or not! Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it?
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stoltz
Platinum
Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1478
Loc: Texas
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Very well said.
And, whether people want to ignore it, laugh at it, or downplay it, IT is happening. From my point of view, women have and are transforming themselves from the traditional female roles in our culture to just about anything they can wedge themselves into (a lot thanks to legislation pushed on by feminists) - including traditional male roles.
More power to them!!!!
However, with this advance, they also have to understand there is a cost involved, and that cost is men not necessarily conforming themselves at the same time, if at all. This study, IMHO, only confirms it.
As you said, men generally want the "softness" and "caring" that generally only a woman can bring to a relationship. However, that is being masked now by a more assertive female taking on more and more masculine roles. It isn't at the conscious level that men are trying to flip the switch from "is she being a woman" or "being a man in a woman's body", but at the subconcious level. The man's subconsious mind instead reacts by going into withdrawal or shutdown mode. Either you're a woman or you're a man - you cannot be both (unless you're a Lesbian). Again, all JMHO.
Again, if a woman wants to take on both roles today, more power to her, I say. Just don't start whining when you realize there aren't any men who fancy the idea of being around your type.
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mrpat
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Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2617
Loc: Michigan
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I don't think it this that or the other. Looking at the fact you don't require sex to survive. Food and water is one thing but sex is an option. Many of us have tucked away that part of life to look for a bigger picture. Sex is great but it can cloud the path to healing for some. The “keep it up” remark while funny is really just a silly remark. In my situation if there is no real interest in having relations with a certain person it's not gonna stay up. It's a preference not a problem. Remember it takes two for sex.
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People don't care how much you know.........until they know how much you care.
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stoltz
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Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1478
Loc: Texas
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The “keep it up” remark while funny is really just a silly remark.
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Its just a shaming tactic some women use. She used another one in an earlier post. See ...
http://www.dumpyourwifenow.com/2007/03/01/the-anti-male-shaming-tactics-catalog/
... for more information on shaming tactics women often use. I've gotten used to it by now.
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jbar
Platinum
Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 977
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Mistake,
I never said anything about my personal use of prostitutes, on this site, that I can remember. You must be confusing me with someone else.
People like you have about led me to believe that most posters here no longer really have anything important to say, don't (or can't) read meaningful posts, and instead simply try to reduce the dialog here to the lowest possible level of tit-for-tat infantile bickering, foul personal insinuations, and lurid innuendo. I don't imtend to partake in this kind of thing.
If this is the only kind of entertainment you can afford, and you can't even pay for the power to run your idiot box, then I suggest you go to your public library and start on "Atlas Shrugged". If you can get through this book, you can then research all of my previous posts here, and at last understand them. It will be like opening your eyes for the very first time in your life!
Edited by jbar (05/07/08 06:32 PM)
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ATVILLAS
Platinum
Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 2283
Loc: Lost in the post D maze!!
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[quote]I don't imtend to partake in this kind of thing.[/quote]
Is this a promise? Does this mean we can look forward to you moving on to a different forum that may be more suitable to your level of intellect?
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Help someone smile today!!!
Welcome to paradise!!!
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1186
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[quote]Mistake,
I never said anything about my personal use of prostitutes, on this site, that I can remember. [/quote]
It was you or Stolz that said something about going to Navada were it was legal.
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2617
Loc: Michigan
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I might have mentioned hookers once or twice.................but I was talking about getting my house cleaned.
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People don't care how much you know.........until they know how much you care.
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