Divorce Support Forums: RE: Not being able to see the kids

Taryn's just pissed over her own ex's nasty behaivor and he's a REAL jerk... affair, pretending not to be working enough to provide support, and the affair is with a woman whose kids are a very bad influence.

J, I'm closer to your situation... though I didn't move in with my boyfriend, we got married rather than put the kids through the issues of having to deal with that kind of morality. (their parents moved in together before tehy were married, but I woudln't do it, didn't think it was a good example).

Lots of guys out there are clueless about the system and allow their exes to become "gatekeepers" of the kids' time, which is a huge mistake (and was a mistake in my husband's situation), and there's nothing wrong with you caring enough to look into it if he's trying to do it by himself or he doesn't knwo what his lawyer is doing... always good to have a second opinion (OR on this website, a 50th, 60th, 70th opinion... you'll get LOTS of them if you hang around).

In my situation, it's not that my husband doesn't care enough about the kids to do it himself, it's that he paid a lawyer to do that and I didn't exactly join in on the lawyer's meetings & such, so I needed to talk to others to get my own handle on what was going on... and at some point my husband simply gave up on the law doing the right hting by his kids. Sad but true, he set a very bad precedent by leaving them and letting her keep control over their time without getting a judge to force her ot let him see them more often and more regularly EARLY on.

Finally, when I was single, I met a lot of men who had been married but separated for YEARS and never thought to go through the whole process of making certian they were divorced. I recall one even mentioned that he thought he was divorced and when I checked up on it (like I checked up on EVERYONE I considered having more than one meeting/date with), I found out that she never filed like she said she did, so he was NOT divorced... he had given her the money to get the divorce, said he'd sign anything she neededhim to sign, and she took it, never got the lawyer, never filed the papers and took off as if she had done it all. He had to start from scratch on getting a divorce, by that time she was long gone in some [censored] house, and so it was a problem finding her to get her served with papers.. a real mess.

I know lots of people who did that. IT's not terribly responsible or realistic about how the world works... it's very trusting of this person who still shares your name and credit rating... it's very trusting of a person who is supposed to be a co-parent and might have incentive to become a jerk about it. It is a nice way to be, and lots of people are afraid of lawyers so they don't want to deal with the divorce, but not dealing with it leaves them where your boyfriend is... one day the ex gets pissed off and decides to hurt him the best way she can, with the kids. Nasty, nasty, nasty.

Now that he's started the process, good for him.

Yes, you can ask for a motion for temporary orders (HE can ask) demanding time with the kids while the divorce is pending. He wants to do this QUICKLY so that the kids don't get used to him not being around and aren't poisoned to him.

Read the book Divorce Poison. Google Parental Alienation Syndrome (and understand that a perfectly decent person can suddenly start feeling that and doing it unintentionally when they have a vindictive and selfish but up their butts about something like a new girlfriend that they don't like)... and get and read Mom's House, Dad's house to help your boyfriend set up a household where the kids are equally welcome and equally safe to be with their equal parent... but which may be DIFFERENTLY handled than their mother's home.

Good luck & let us know ow thing work out.