Tardy71
New
Reged: 05/05/08
Posts: 3
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Here is my situation. My ex-to be and i are seperated and working on obtaining a divorce. She has met someone and supposedly fallen in love in 3 months.
Anyways, she wants to move with my two boys ages 3 and 20 months to a city thats about 3 and a hour hours away from where we currently live. She says she will bring them to me every other weekend.
My lawyer thinks this to be a bad idea and so do i. Although i have never had a reason to distrust her, im not sure of how the future will unfold when or if she moved. Am i stupid for even considering agreeing to this until the divorce is final and a custody agreement is hammered out?
Jason
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JenH03
Platinum
Reged: 02/07/08
Posts: 204
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I would really advise against allowing her to move with the children. Three hours is quite a distance and you'll eventually end up becoming just a visitor to them. Tell her she can move 3 hours away, but the children stay with you. More often than not, that is how the courts see it. If you want to stay close to your kids, I'd really urge you not to agree to allow her to take them so far away.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3110
Loc: Colorado
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This is not ground you need to give. A move is not in the best interests of the children. It is not in your interest. You should not be considering voluntarily agreeing to it.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3240
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Letting her move that far away with your children, even if you think it is temporary, is establishing a status quo and will clearly tell the courts that you have no problem being a long-distance parent.
If I were you, I would tell her that she is welcome to move, but the kids aren't moving.
You won't be able to be as involved if they live that far away from you.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2126
Loc: Hell...but im coming back up, ...
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if she does this before the divorce is over that is not a good idea for you.
does she need to move for employment or anything?
are you seeing the kids on a regular basis currently?
by regular i mean what the court would consider regular?
like at the very least standard order?
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taryn.
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Starion
Gold
Reged: 03/04/08
Posts: 122
Loc: South Florida
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IMO absolutely not - and yes it is a "stupid" idea to consider at this time unless you don't really care about seeing the kids.
She will bring them to you ? Does that mean you take them back every other weekend ? Or is she going to stay in town and drive them back the next afternoon ? That is 7 hours round trip.... If she takes them both ways she's basically driving the entire weekend. That's a lot of gas that's expensive these days and her whole weekend. Two little kids would be in the car 7 plus hours every other weekend - hardly a joy for anyone - and IMHO really unfair and crappy to the kids. You'll get them about noon or later on Saturday and if you have to take them back you'll basically need to leave at 2 on Sunday to make it back by 9 or 10 that night.
My prediction is this arrangement will end up very short lived. If you let her move now with permission I think you can basically say goodby to your kids and being a dad till their at least teens. Even if the transportation arrangement is in the settlement, once the divorce is final if she changes her mind your pretty much SOL and won't be able to do much about it in reality besides sue for a change in custody which you'll have little chance of because you agreed to this. If that's cool with you then fine - let her move. But no poor me I miss my kids and want to be their father later - your volunteering. Also realize the new guy will basically become your kids dad.
If you want a clean no strings break besides sending a check this way will probably work. If you don't I think you better say no - emphatically.
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1516
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Do not do this. She may be willing to say anything to get them out of town now, but it is a crazy distance.
Bringing them back EOW is nuts. She will stop doing it and your kids will be disconnected. It is not in their interests.
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ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 397
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I wouldn't agree. What about if you want to go to your child's science fair? What about tee ball practice? What about the child's friends birthday parties? These are all inportant to kids... if she takes them that far away you will potentionally miss out and the kids will miss out.
In my situation DH's ex moved 3 hours away... We have primary custody. She would pick them up from school every weekend and drive back to her home. The kids missed out on parties and extracurriular activities. Thankfully she moved back at the beginning of the school year. If she decides to move again (her husband still lives there) we are going to have to re evaulate custody.
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Tardy71
New
Reged: 05/05/08
Posts: 3
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Thanks for everyones input! I appreciate the feedback. No, she the ex-to-be does not need to move as she is an RN and can find work just about anywhere!
She has known this new for about 3 months and has decided that she is going to marry him. He has no kids and i dont know anything about him.
Our living situation is strange b/c we still live together, so i see my children on a regular basis. One of her main arguments is that i only see them on weekends. Well i work a job 9-6 m-f! That to me is just ridiculous! Any other thoughts and input would be greatly appreciated!
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EZmark
Platinum
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 292
Loc: Florida
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YES you are wrong and NO don't do it!!
New person you are being softened up and set up. I hear talk of weekends only already. Stop trusting her you are in the enemy camp. She is in love with someone else and wants the kids, you are an ATM, the court is not your friend.
If you agree to her moving you will be sending checks to her for her BFs entertainment and you MAY be seeing your kids alternating weekends if it's convenient for her.
LISTEN TO YOUR LAWYER, and find out how he plans to win you what and at what cost before you give much money, change horses now if you don't like what you hear.
If you don't want to see the kids much anymore you can trade them for no alimony or more assets or something, but if you DO want any chance of staying dad you better start taking/documenting preventative measures now.(maybe too late already)
IMO, Assuming you want the kids, if she works and makes enough to cover basics, get fired or reduce your income immediately and take care of the kids fulltime setting status quo. Frankly it may be the last set of contiguous days you'll spend with them.
If you have any money now is the time to spend it on the children and yourself, she will be grabbing whetever she can get her hands on with BF providing moral support. You don't want assets. Don't spend more than half, but count on the fact that she will get half of your half if its accessible. Get them the clothing and other things you'll need for them IF you're lucky enough to have them 30% of the time and keep it somewhere else.
I predict that when you say no to the move she will start playing hardball. Get your lawyer to motion a restraining order immediately to prevent her from removing the children from the court's jurisdiction breifly including why it is in their best interests to stay where they are. Otherwise you will find yourself spending several thousand dollars in experts and fees arguing against her motion why it's best for her to move, and the court will side with whats best for her is best for the kids.
IMO, and again I'm no lawyer. If you can settle and settle quickly 2 mos. you are best off. You need to get a settlement offer ON PAPER from her immediately so you know where you stand.
I wish you luck settling but this sounds like the beginning of the stories you read on sites where you go looking for support and find out nice guys end up losing everything. Not that that's always the case, but here you are (assuming you want the kids), about to enter a system totally biased against you, with a cheating slut who is dismissing your time with them, and you're wondering about being nice?
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