Divorce Support Forums: Am i wrong to now consent to this?

Don't agree to stuff with the kids just under the thought that it might keep the peace and make her be more reasonable. It won't. She'll just take waht you give and use that as her new bottom line and try to get more.

My husband, trying to keep the peace, let his ex take control when he left her. She took advantage of it. Eventually he was able to get the money issues straightened out properly (mostly, there were a few things that couldn't be fixed, but those were not so important to him as they were to her), but because he had set a precedent on the kid issues by letting her take control, suggesting to the judges and therapists & evaluators that this was something he did not find offensive, he could not get that changed. She used the opportunity to do everythign she could to alienate them from him. What she basically wanted was just his paycheck, but otehrwise to have him out and have total control over the kids, who wouldu lose his point of view (which is what could have provided some balance in thier lives).

Because he acquiesed from the beginning, he was never able to fix it. Now, that said... you should know his kids are older teens. Because of things she's done since the judge & evaluators made thier decisions, if the kids were younger there is no doubt that she'd lose custody entirely. However, he has to balance the current situation's problems with the problems of having OLDER teens switch residences at this age. With your child, if you lost custody entirely because of some stupid thing like her moving away and you letting her... there is the possibility that if you were diligent and she were as unstable as this first move seems to indicate, that you could collect enough evidence to eventually get a change of custody, after a second court battle, and a huge expense of money to pay for attorneys... after having lost most contact for a few vital years. IF you lose today, I'm saying, all is not lost. You could spend the time and money and research and fight the battle again & win maybe. If you're very organized and do a good job of it.

But why set yourself up for that? Don't agree to her moving and don't let her make the claim that because you work, you never see your child. If she doesn't already, she's going to be working full time pretty soon... separation means that she's going to have to take care of her own finances/living expenses, and it doesn't matter WHICH 40 hours a week you work, it's going to be time away from the child.

If she's lucky to get shifts that are not during your work hours, then great. You get the child when she's working, she gets him when you're working, and it works out really well... and NEITHER of you will be able to say that the other is not a full-fledged parent.

Don't let her say that because your work hours are ... waht... during school hours instead of evenings & weekends like her shift work might be?... that you're not a full fledged competent parent. Heck, if she works nights, you're the one who is there to put him to bed and also later when things go bump & terrify the child in the middle of the night.