tired123
Bronze
Reged: 03/09/08
Posts: 30
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Hello everyone,
Very short, in your opinion is it smart thing to do -to sign a postnuptial agreement, with business owner husband, while I'm stay at home mother of 4. He wants to divide everything in half, in case of divorce. But I'm almost possitive if divorce would happen, I'd get probably more that 1/2 of everything, because kids would stay with me.
What is your advice on this one? Is he being "practical" or just big dirty pig?
Thank you all.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3333
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[quote]Hello everyone,
Very short, in your opinion is it smart thing to do -to sign a postnuptial agreement, with business owner husband, while I'm stay at home mother of 4. He wants to divide everything in half, in case of divorce. But I'm almost possitive if divorce would happen, I'd get probably more that 1/2 of everything, because kids would stay with me.
What is your advice on this one? Is he being "practical" or just big dirty pig?
Thank you all. [/quote]
Uh, I don't think he's being a big dirty pig. If he were, he would be trying to get you to sign a postnup where he gets everything if a divorce should happen. What he wants is for it be split evenly.
And if you are in a community property state, that is exactly what would happen.
If you do go ahead with a postnup, be sure it addresses how the marital debt is to be handled, as well.
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tired123
Bronze
Reged: 03/09/08
Posts: 30
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We live in equitable distribution state. Thing is he wants to protect his business, from who - me? I've been raising family, taking care of everything while he's babying his business and growing it. It just makes me mad. And how about that - now his business evaluated one price, and it grows very fast since its really successful one. Lets take worst scenario - if I sign a postnup and divorce happens I only get what I sign for 10 years ago, or so. I don't see it fair at all. Does not look to good. And besides all that, his intentions are not very bright, because he wants to divide our marital house 50-50 and then later, as soon as I'd sign a postnup, he'd go ahead and purhase a huge mansion, but just on his name on the title. In case of a big mess, he walks out with that property, 1/2 of present and all that heavy bag of dough, he'd make in the future. As for me - I'd just take my 4 kids , take 1/2 of all we had back then, bow and dissapear.... No, it's somehow makes me puke when I think about this being fair.
In addition - we're married 5 years, 4 kids later and tons of money(it's all in business, and I don't see it anyway) my husband changed to the worst side. Money hungry type.
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ATVILLAS
Platinum
Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 2291
Loc: Lost in the post D maze!!
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Just have a lawyer look it over, if he has a hard time accepting that it would raise a red flag in my opinion.
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Help someone smile today!!!
Welcome to paradise!!!
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3333
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It doesn't work like that unless you agree to that. The postnup that you would be signing isn't going to split the assets now. It's only going to address how ALL marital assets are split should you divorce. Any asset purchased during the marriage, even if it is only put in one spouse's name, is subject to the postnup. Which means that if he goes out and buys that mansion and just puts it in his name while you are married to him, he will have to give you half the equity in the mansion should you divorce. And if he doesn't agree to that, then don't sign it. And definitely take any postnup to a lawyer before even considering signing it.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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Clearly you have reservations about this proposed agreement. Has he given you any incentive to sign? What do you think will happen if you refuse to sign it?
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tired123
Bronze
Reged: 03/09/08
Posts: 30
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He stated very clear - if I don't sign -he imidiately files for divorce.At this point he has two paper work waiting, postnuptial and papers ready to be filed for divorce, what a great pitbull lawyer he has!
Should I go ahead and share my life with person like that at all? I a.m in very sad situation here, I wish I would not feel anything for him, would be way easier
Edited by tired123 (05/08/08 11:39 AM)
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3333
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[quote]He stated very clear - if I don't sign -he imidiately files for divorce.At this point he has two paper work waiting, postnuptial and papers ready to be filed for divorce, what a great pitbull lawyer he has!
Should I go ahead and share my life with person like that at all? I a.m in very sad situation here, I wish I would not feel anything for him, would be way easier [/quote]
Wow, I know what I would do if I were in your shoes. And that is let him file for divorce. In an equitable distribution state, you would probably end up with more of the assets, child support and spousal support. And he would end up with more of the debt.
And he knows this. His attorney knows this.
That's why he said what he did. He's trying to bully you into signing. Don't. Especially if you haven't had a lawyer look it over.
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ATVILLAS
Platinum
Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 2291
Loc: Lost in the post D maze!!
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In that case I think you need to get a lawyer, if he files divorce you will have to anyway. So go ahead and get one now and have him review the "postnup" and explain to him the position your husband and lawyer are putting you in. You might even be able to get a 1/2 hour free session just for him to review your situation.
Best of luck
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Help someone smile today!!!
Welcome to paradise!!!
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tired123
Bronze
Reged: 03/09/08
Posts: 30
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Thank you for your advices. As for lawyer I got one, supposed to be good.Better be, because I really need to see all the picture, how low can my husband go.
I just did not get something - even if I would sign for some reasons, and my husband buys another property or house after the day we sign the postnup, in case of divorce I'd be still able to get part of it, or it will be untouchable? What if his parents make it a gift for him?
All this situation sucks...:( But thanks for talking, makes me feel better:)
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3333
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[quote]Thank you for your advices. As for lawyer I got one, supposed to be good.Better be, because I really need to see all the picture, how low can my husband go.
I just did not get something - even if I would sign for some reasons, and my husband buys another property or house after the day we sign the postnup, in case of divorce I'd be still able to get part of it, or it will be untouchable? What if his parents make it a gift for him?
All this situation sucks...:( But thanks for talking, makes me feel better:) [/quote]
None of us here knows what the postnup says. Take it to an attorney and ask these questions. What you need is legal advice.
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allthumbs
Platinum
Reged: 07/12/07
Posts: 473
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I fail to see why you should sign anything. If you want to divorce him, go ahead. If he wants to divorce you, let him. The laws of most states are pretty clear on division of property, child and spousal support. And since most states are no fault, then there's no reason to go into that either. You'll get half of everything, including the value of his business plus child and spousal support. Maybe more if he is wealthy. Just say no.
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tired123
Bronze
Reged: 03/09/08
Posts: 30
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That's what I have in my mind, I'm rolling to attorney's office next week, made an appt., and we'll take it from there. Funny thing is how my husband talks tough, but looses sleep over all that, and I know it is not because he wants to prevent divorce...It is all about money. Sad.
I just rethink scenario IF I sign- he already thinks as I'm a housewife, you know , life as a dream, just a thought I would obey to this crazy request, 4 kids later, really kills my self respect. But how to throw all the feelings quickly - I don't know, it's just hard... Well enough whining I have to get ready for upcoming battle anyway.I'm just wondering if it's really that scary to become single again...
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2181
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Was the business started during the marriage ?
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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tired123
Bronze
Reged: 03/09/08
Posts: 30
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2 years before we got married. Do you think I'd get a piece from it? I never could see this all mess coming, don't have much of a knowledge about who gets what,ect.Well..
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2126
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"In addition - we're married 5 years, 4 kids later and tons of money(it's all in business, and I don't see it anyway) my husband changed to the worst side. Money hungry type."
I can't say what your husband is like, since he isn't posting here. But you say he makes wads of money, and 1/2 isn't enough for you....I'd have to say you are more money hungry then him.
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tired123
Bronze
Reged: 03/09/08
Posts: 30
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Absolutely not true. I'm just concern about my and my children's future. I have two children from previous marriage and two with him. So you can call me money hungry, but my concern is different than money. Who would take care of two stepchildren? That always was and will be just my responsibility. As for him - his hands will be open, and he'll have a good chance to support himself.
Besides that, all this time I was working for free anyway, so no offense but I would not mind to take what I deserve.
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2181
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2 years before we got married. Do you think I'd get a piece from it?
Unlikely , unless you can prove an increase in value due to your direct contributions . Spousal support(even if only temporary ) , child support & an equitable share of the marital assets will have to do .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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tired123
Bronze
Reged: 03/09/08
Posts: 30
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So far I just feel that I'm loosing all the point even to consider signing something, emotions sooner or later would overcome and we would end up probably with divorce anyway... I just can not take the pressure. Not from person I've considered my "better half". Not anymore...
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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Nuptial agreements are fragile. One signed under duress can be easily invalidated. Sign or don't sign. I think ether choice leads you to almost exactly the same place - a complicated and contentious divorce.
Have you tried changing the channel on this? Money issues are just going to drive you two apart. What is it that could bring you closer together?
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tired123
Bronze
Reged: 03/09/08
Posts: 30
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I tried to bring up everything what I consider most important - feelings, purpose of marriage, and finally the best thing what two of us have - our children. Appears we're not on the same page. Our conversations ends with very drie and point blank - whatever, or I don't care, just sign the postnup, and everything will be fine. I just really can not believe how can wealth affect some people. It breaks my heart apart . And we had very sweet begining - both worked our but-s of, trusted each other, shared everything we'd have, no thoughts about any prenuptials or so. And you know why - at that point we had just enough. Now I see what happends when money start pouring in between two people...Call me silly, for not knowing how to just shut up , sign pretend nothing happened and enjoy the life. I'm just not that type, I'm very direct and can't tolerate dishonesty, and I miss my husband from 5 years ago.
Is it wrong?
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tired123
Bronze
Reged: 03/09/08
Posts: 30
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Just to give you an idea - I don't have any credit cards (joined account), he just simply canceled everything till I sign( or for good...) All I get 500/week to manage kid's activities, babysitter, food, pets , ect.
And besides all that has enough steam to drop line such as - at least 3 ladies would love to take your place, that's how great your life is.... Who wants to switch with me?:) Thats obnoxious.
Edited by tired123 (05/09/08 11:51 AM)
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JenH03
Platinum
Reged: 02/07/08
Posts: 222
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"All I get 500/week to manage kid's activities, babysitter, food, pets , ect."
So you get about $2,000 a month from him to basically feed your kids and pay for activities and that's not enough? Why would you need to pay a babysitter if you are a stay at home mom? I'm assuming he makes your house payment and pays for your other day to day living expenses (utilities, cars, etc.) so how can that money not be enough? And as far as your other post about your 2 kids from another man, your current husband is not and would be under no obligation to support them if you two separate. Why do you not get child support from their father? That is who should be helping you support them. It is doubtful you'd get $500/week in CS and/or alimony if you left him. You'd only get CS for the two kids that are his, not all 4, and it's not very likely you'd get that much money per week, since it would be based on only two kids, and it's not likely you'd get anything but temporary alimony since you've not been married very long. You'll eventually have to find a way to support yourself.
I'm not saying your husband isn't a jerk for this whole post-nup or I'll divorce you stuff, but you have to have realistic expectations of what could happen.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3333
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[quote]Just to give you an idea - I don't have any credit cards (joined account), he just simply canceled everything till I sign( or for good...) All I get 500/week to manage kid's activities, babysitter, food, pets , ect.
And besides all that has enough steam to drop line such as - at least 3 ladies would love to take your place, that's how great your life is.... Who wants to switch with me?:) Thats obnoxious. [/quote]
Well, you can open a credit card account in just your name. He can't close what he isn't authorized to use.
And if your name is on the joint account, you can go and withdraw money from it.
And I would. And take that money and hire yourself a lawyer. Given his attitude, he's doesn't want to be married. He just wants to make sure he gets the settlement he wants before he files.
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2126
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"Besides that, all this time I was working for free anyway"
I didn't realize someone would consider raising children a job, to be paid later. I've never considered parenting to be a job, but a privilige to be cherished and done to my best ability. Money has never been a part I've even considered.
As for the 2 stepchildren, they are not his financial responsibility. They are yours, and the father of those children.
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tired123
Bronze
Reged: 03/09/08
Posts: 30
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Why I need a babysitter - definately not because I'm late from one salon to another, I have a little business myself, started it not just to be plain housewife. To make some money and put it a side for my children from previous marriage,since their bio father went down the hill with alcohol abuse,and I'm not that desperate to plea my current husband to put some money into their accounts for the future. And I things like doctors, my oldest modeling job,since she is still 15 - I have to drive her everywhere. We're runing pretty busy schedule, babysitter is a must in our case. But it is good to know different opinions as well, appreciate all of them.
As for accounts, and that bothers me, he closed everything we had joined together, and trying to keep me as short on a leash as he probably imagines. And not painting myself as an angel or mother earth - but I'm not a spender at all, don't remember when I had shopping damage for myself, that's why it hurts. It is all to make me drop the signature, and assure his easy walk away one day. Probably sooner than later. It's just my gut feeling, I'm just confussed, and don't feel like becoming a push over.
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tired123
Bronze
Reged: 03/09/08
Posts: 30
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I agree 100% - children is the purpose of life. I'm just being realistic - then why, even in the court systems, housewife's position is considered as a FULL time job? I do take it as a very responsible job -raising children,unless you would be a hands-off parent.
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tired123
Bronze
Reged: 03/09/08
Posts: 30
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Too late... He filed for divorce...I'm stunned.
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2126
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I'll tell you what really concerns me. Here are a couple small parts of your previous posts:
"we're married 5 years, 4 kids later" and "Kids - they absolutely support me and when he pushes me to sign - they are absolutely stunned how their father is over protective and hungry for his money. I don't think they even going to miss him a lot"
Do you realize, that no matter how dedicated you are as a parent, that you could lose custody with what you've done? Make sure you tell you tell your attorney exactly what you've said here, so they can do try to do some damage control measures.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3333
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[quote]Too late... He filed for divorce...I'm stunned. [/quote]
Get yourself an attorney. This was what he had planned on. He was just hoping that you would sign the postnup before he filed.
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tired123
Bronze
Reged: 03/09/08
Posts: 30
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I'm going to met with attorney next Friday, I guess will take from there. As for comment from previous writtings - what damage I've done, to whom? My children know about postnuptial, because it has been said loud, in front of kids. They just make up their own opinion about the situation. Should I still try to paint my husband as a very honest, genuine person? They see it , I can not lie to them, my husband tells if your mom does not sign - we will have to divorce! And he did. My gut feeling never lies...
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2126
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Maybe I'm misunderstanding your posts. Haven't you been married for 5 years, and have 4 kids? Aren't they all then under 5 years old?
They should no nothing about any of it. If they heard about it, they shouldn't know what a postnuptial is, unless it was explained to them (and it shouldn't have been).
"Should I still try to paint my husband as a very honest, genuine person? They see it , I can not lie to them"
So, are you going to tell them your favorite sexual position? Or, how much you get paid on a job? No! Some things are not told to kids. What you may not realize, is that when you paint either parent in a negative light (even if deserved), it is damaging to kids. Go to google, and read about parental alienation syndrome.
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tired123
Bronze
Reged: 03/09/08
Posts: 30
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Fortunately I have 15yr.old, 8 , toddler and a baby. As you'd assume older children fully aware of situation and understand more than I'd imagine. This hurts them. Besides he was trying all this time to be a great dad, but since he got married late in life - it is some lack of parenting skills, and he often lets his steam(built up over stressful businessman day) go on the kids, and sadly on the stepkids, older ones. This I can not tolerate, that's how we got where we are + a lot of other issues, sexual possitions has nothing to do in this case, I'd appreciate if this irony would be kept asside.
Edited by tired123 (05/10/08 11:51 AM)
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jbar
Platinum
Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 1011
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