abbysfv
Platinum
Reged: 02/13/08
Posts: 564
Loc: LA, CA
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Has anyone here ever met someone that seemed to be the opposite of your ex? If so how did that go? I met someone who is a little older, stbx was younger, he's more mature and family oriented and stbx is a Peter Pan, they are even the opposites in looks. It's very appealing to me but it almost seems strange they are so different.
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Built to spec.
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liberated
Platinum
Reged: 10/02/07
Posts: 548
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Oh absolutely...let me count the ways:
Ex: greedy and cheap...BF: most generous person I've met,
Ex: couldn't keep a job BF: been at his job almost 30 yrs.,
Ex: closed off emotionally, wouldn't talk to me BF: we talk about everything for hours and he really wants my input on decisions,
Ex: skinny runner, BF: very large, muscular, huge broad shoulders (that 30 yr job involves lots of heavy lifting so he's in great shape)
Ex: Shows indifference to the children most of the time, BF: really listens and cares and he plays with them all the time.
Ex: no sense of humor, BF: really funny-my kids even tell me I'm funnier now that I hang out with him 
Ex: shallow and legalistic in his faith-very judgmental, BF: truly a Godly man who makes mistakes but loves people enough to see past their mistakes and share God's love with them.
Okay, that's enough...I'll stop there but there are at least a dozen more reasons. And it's so funny because I did not seek out this relationship, it developed from a friendship that had been there for a long time. But he really is all I ever dreamed of dropped in my lap Now I sound like a love-sick teenager, I know!!!
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Kimberley
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happytobdivorced
Platinum
Reged: 03/15/07
Posts: 1073
Loc: Hell, USA
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Yeah-I had to have someone who was not lazy. All my ex did was lay on the couch or gamble on his computer.
Also someone who bathed on the weekends. My ex wouldn't shower or change clothes all weekend-only when we went to church. It was gross.
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Message for my ex "I think you know by now, I'm not the person I used to be"
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faith4two
Platinum
Reged: 11/11/07
Posts: 353
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In many ways, my second husband was the opposite of my first. The first was a goody-two-shoes, the second was the bad boy.
The one I'm with now is in the middle of the spectrum and is the show of moderation instead of the two extremes. It's almost as if I have the best qualities of both of my two STBX's, and very few of the worst.
It is a bit surreal to enjoy new positive traits in a partner as they enjoy yours. At the same time, keep the hat of reality within reach. None of us are perfect. 
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mbrown3
Platinum
Reged: 02/20/07
Posts: 271
Loc: Lake Norman NC
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I went that way (opposite of my x) at first and had a lot of fun, but then i gradually inched backed to clones of my x. i'm trying to break that mold again but its just what i'm attracted to the most.
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God Gave Us Mountains So That We Could Learn How To Climb!
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Nish
Platinum
Reged: 02/18/07
Posts: 1231
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Yep, and I married him 2 years ago. Ex was a software engineer and husband is a former motorcycle racer/mechanic who now makes a great living as a mechanic for the facility he is employed at.
Ex was so into sports, that all weekends were devoted to watching golf, basketball, football...yawnnnnnnnnnnn. Husband is aware of sports, but he prefers to spend his time either helping me work on our landscaping or we go riding on one of his motorcycles. Summer month weekends will not find us at home much.
Ex's alcoholism evolved into a 2 or more bottles of wine per day habit, where husband may go through a 6 pack of beer in 6 months. That fact was very important to me.
Ex was into classical music. Husband introduced me to great classic rock bands. He introduced me to Queen, Meatloaf, and The Doors. My choice of music had been Judy Collins, Gordon Lightfoot, and Neil Diamond and alittle bit country.
Ex had a hard time figuring out how to use the washer, dryer and vaccum. Husband not only knows how to use them, but also knows how to fix them. Sweet!
Ex wasn't much of a talker. Husband enjoys talking as much as I do.
Ex was a procrastanator to the max...drove me crazy, til I figured, okay, if I couldn't do it myself, hire it done. Husband, likes to take care of things in a timely fashion and there hasn't been much we had to hire someone else to do. Heck, he has even shown me how to work on the car, use Power Tools (love them) and enjoys sharing his handyman skills with me. He won't however let me do anything electrical. He said it is just too risky when you don't know and aren't experienced to do it. That was good enough reason for me.
Ex would never be caught in a hardware or home improvement store. Husband has introduced me to Home Depot, Lowes and OSH. I actually enjoy tagging along and seeing all the neat stuff they have there.
So yes, when I remarried I married a man totally different from my ex. I am the happiest I have ever been.
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Armor
Platinum
Reged: 10/27/06
Posts: 438
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The woman I've been dating for a year now is completely opposite of my ex...which is a good sign, because with my ex, I don't think I could have picked somebody who was more wrong for me (and me for her)if I had actually set out to do so! lol.
I don't think that it's so much that I looked for somebody different than my ex, but more that I was young, foolish and impulsive back then, now that I'm older, more mature, and more thoughtful about these things I was able to simply make a better choice...
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abbysfv
Platinum
Reged: 02/13/08
Posts: 564
Loc: LA, CA
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Nish, I'm happy for you, sounds like you got a great guy.
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Built to spec.
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2617
Loc: Michigan
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Yeah..............but he was a guy.
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People don't care how much you know.........until they know how much you care.
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abbysfv
Platinum
Reged: 02/13/08
Posts: 564
Loc: LA, CA
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LOL Yeah sometimes I wonder why I haven't given up on men. If I didn't find them so darn attractive I think I might.
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Built to spec.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2105
Loc: Hell...but im coming back up, ...
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i havent thought of it like that.
i DO want someone who is nice,
and
doesnt have drinking issues.
damm is my list short!
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taryn.
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movingon2
Platinum
Reged: 12/06/07
Posts: 209
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Kimberley,
Wow! does he have a brother? I'm impressed
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ATVILLAS
Platinum
Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 2283
Loc: Lost in the post D maze!!
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Quote:
i havent thought of it like that.
i DO want someone who is nice,
and
doesnt have drinking issues.
damm is my list short!
Hi there!
I consider myself quite nice!
And I don't have an issue with drinking, in fact I quite enjoy it!!
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Help someone smile today!!!
Welcome to paradise!!!
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abbysfv
Platinum
Reged: 02/13/08
Posts: 564
Loc: LA, CA
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Quote:
And I don't have an issue with drinking, in fact I quite enjoy it!!
LOL good one Atvillas
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Built to spec.
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BillWebb
New
Reged: 05/21/08
Posts: 6
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It's very normal to compare and contrast a potential new partner to our ex. It's how our brains are wired.
For example, if we own a Great Dane, every time we look at other dogs, we will compare them to ours. If we're very happy with our dog, we would tend to look fondly on other Danes and possibly other large breeds. On the other hand, if our Great Dane were a problem dog, we might see a tiny, teacup dog and wistfully imagine how nice it would be to have a small dog.
You can't stop this comparison from happening - just be aware of what your brain is doing.
Understand that just because your marriage has failed or is failing doesn't mean that your STBX had zero redeeming qualities. You should avoid the temptation to actively look for someone who is the polar opposite. It's OK to notice, but don't assume that just because they seem to be an opposite of your STBX that a relationship with them would be perfect.
Finally, take a look at Kimberley's list above. I'm sure those items aren't the only thing the two men don't have in common. I'm also sure that if her perception were changed, she could find just as many things, if not more, that they have in common. Again, it's just the way our brains are wired.
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Visit my Divorce Advice Blog
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Lacy1
Gold
Reged: 03/06/08
Posts: 143
Loc: Coastal Area
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Hey guys........I want an opposite too...............PLEASE!!
I absolutely hope and pray I do not end up in a relationship with another abusive drunk!!
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His loss not mine
Heavenbound and proud of it.
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