jhayden
New
Reged: 04/30/08
Posts: 9
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I agree with Malone. You're angry, and it shows. If she's the breadwinner, and has to travel (and her travel schedule is frankly very, very light compared to most men who travel for work), that's going to be kind of an "Oh Well" to a judge. Because there are a million households out there with what I call Stay at Home Single-Married Mothers whose spouses are gone so much that they may as well be single. But in the event of divorce, those men are not penalized for that.
Nor should your wife. That's a double standard and you can't have it both ways.
Finally, I would strongly advise against deposing the in-laws. They may have sympathy for you now, but that would quickly evaporate if they felt you were forcibly using them to punish their daughter.
And, it puts them in the middle of a situation that was frankly created with your participation and agreement. They could wind up testifying against you and using any and every thing they ever saw you do or say in the negative against you. Don't do it.
See a counselor and focus on getting your own life in order.
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faith4two
Platinum
Reged: 11/11/07
Posts: 353
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Ditto jhayden's post.
She's not all the sudden evil because of her job or travels. Having walked a mile in her shoes, she most likely had the affair to escape from the pressure of trying to make everyone happy - her employer, and more importantly, a spouse who might not have appreciated the full extent of the sacrifice she felt she was making for her family. Her affair might be a mistake, but it's hardly a measure of her ability to be a mom.
Unfortunately, breadwinning moms oftentimes feel as though they are measured against the standard of a SAHM, not their traveling male counterparts, whether they are or not. By societal norms, we're breaking away from a traditional standard, and part of that is an internal battle of wondering what it would be like to live by that societal standard. Being the emotional creatures we women are, we feel as though we're spread way too thin. For the ladies who can do it and do it well, the balance comes with a male partner who can step up to support her internal emotional frenzy and can consistently leave his own ego at the door.
You might even find that in the process of separation and/or divorce, she is forced to find the balance that she didn't feel she had at home with you because she has no other choice but to do so. Most women who find themselves in divorce, regardless of the circumstances which brought them there, eventually do. She most likely will right her ship, find her priorities, and be a great mom.
For one, she's not got the hurdle of transitioning from a SAHM to a working mom. She's already there. She already has the job, already manages at the office, and those skills that the SAHM has to add to her repertoire are already there.
She made a few poor choices. We all do at some point in our lives. But as long as she's not exposing the kids to dangerous situations, leave the anger out of it.
As far as her parents go, they might agree with you wholeheartedly during a conversation you're having with them about her, but who's to say that they're not agreeing with HER about your faults as well? That one could very well backfire on you - in ways you never even anticipate.
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