KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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"Joint PHYSICAL custody with the mother as the primary CP is the norm at least 92% of the time, with Dad (NCP) getting "visitation" between an occasional supervised dinner up to liberal, which is every other weekend and on night during the week, 30-40% of the time."
I was advised by my lawyer not to get wrapped around the axle about the "primary" designation. In my state at least, it has minimal legal significance. You can have minority of parenting time and still be the "primary custodian" or "primary residence". It doesn't change CS calculations. It doesn't affect the way you interact with schools or medical providers. If you can negotiate an acceptable parenting schedule with joint legal custody, stop fighting, sign the papers and get on with life.
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EZmark
Platinum
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 292
Loc: Florida
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"If you can negotiate an acceptable parenting schedule with joint legal custody, stop fighting, sign the papers and get on with life."
Oh I agree with you- who cares about a designation on paper, even though it does carry some legal consequences. I also agree with you if you can negotiate an acceptable parenting schedule why wouldn't you sign and move on? That assumes your dealing with a reasonable X, very often not the case with lazy, greedy or vengeful women. In my case she wanted everything and would not give an inch unless given no choice by court order. Anything not detailed in the order, and there is plenty, she interpets as she does what she wants.
My point is that your statement about joint custody being the norm, while true, does not mean that (sic:joint custody) rotating or even an acceptable parenting schedule is the norm. For those in litigation at least 92% of the time it results in "liberal" visitation (30%) or less. That "norm" is grossly unfair to good Dads and NOT in the childrens best interest.
I even think there comes a time to stop fighting for your kids, even with an abusive or alienating X. Eventually you run out of money and resources, time to spend in court from your job, and the constant vicarious pain of seeing the kids being damaged. Unless you're in that lucky 8% where the woman blew her case.
Get on with life, stay busy etc. all that's important and good, but every time I think about how the system put those kids where they don't want to be and where they are being damaged I feel bitterness and anger towards the X, the system, and people who rationalize and perpetuate the injustce of it all.
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2223
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"I was advised by my lawyer not to get wrapped around the axle about the "primary" designation. In my state at least, it has minimal legal significance."
This obviously varies greatly from state to state. In mine, from a legal standpoint, 100% of the money goes in one direction. Beyond child support, medical insurance, CP's daycare and extras, even from the angle of any government assistance, only the primary parent qualifies, even when physical custody is shared 50/50. And, from a tax standpoint, the 50/50 NCP cannot get the earned income credit, working family credit, or credits for daycare paid or school supplies.
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tiredofnagging
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 190
Loc: Las Vegas, NV USA
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" There's something that puzzles me here. How come someone named taryn is so critical and b!tchy and KGrow, EZmark and Samsung offer constructive advise?"
For those of you that have been helpful (and you know who you are, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. For those of you who are vindictive, I thank you to go away. Taryn has suggested she will. That would be nice.
AGAIN, like most here I have a serious life issue and AGAIN judgements are not useful.
GOT IT?
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This Too Shall Pass
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tiredofnagging
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 190
Loc: Las Vegas, NV USA
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Taryn, this is for you.....
Clearly you are angry and we happen to disagree. But instead of moving on, you seem to go out of your way to dissect my words and insert your criticism whenever possible.
I don't know you (and others) but you stick out like a cancre sore.
Get a life. Do whatever it is you do when you're not browbeating a poster. And your "sailor like" vocabulary ain't helping either. Makes you look out of control.
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This Too Shall Pass
Edited by tiredofnagging (05/24/08 02:30 PM)
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3499
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[quote]Taryn, this is for you.....
Clearly you are angry and we happen to disagree. But instead of moving on, you seem to go out of your way to dissect my words and insert your criticism whenever possible.
I don't know you (and others) but you stick out like a cancre sore.
Get a life. Do whatever it is you do when you're not browbeating a poster. And your "sailor like" vocabulary ain't helping either. Makes you look out of control. [/quote]
And you wonder why not many people want to help you.
You come across as someone who will lie to get your way.
I wouldn't be surprised if the only reason you want custody is because you don't want to pay child support.
BTW, given your attitude here, I am not surprised that you are having problems in your marriage. I suggest you get therapy to deal with your issues.
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tiredofnagging
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 190
Loc: Las Vegas, NV USA
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Well, another do-gooder passing judgement. Do any of you bother to read my posts? I originally said that I adore my daughter. Which part don't you understand? Oh that's right, I mentioned $$$. So that's all your pea sized brain can comprehend. Very sad.
You come across as yet another bitter ex-wife who wonders why your marriage didn't work. Look in the dictionary under b!tch. Then look in the mirror. Same answer, yes?
You don't know me. So why don't you leave your lack of constructive advice at the door and if you can't be part of a solution don't be another problem. Good advice for an obviously bitter person. Maybe you'd still have a husband.
And lastly there are folks on this board who have offered very useful advice without being critical. Too bad you and some others can't seem to get past it.
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This Too Shall Pass
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2763
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I get the feeling the "Browbeater" is more you than your wife. Your remarks lack both intelligence and taste.
You are a buffoon. You show it in your words and your very conscience.
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ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 398
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tired,
I am not going to condemn you for wanting to raise your daughter. There should be a tremendous bond between father and child.
What I am going to comment on is you appear to be very angry. Your first few posts said that the mother is a good woman, when you didn't get the responses you wanted she became a b!tch and she browbeat you and screamed at the child. This is the fuel that posters you don't agree with use to fuel their opinions. Your demeanor has deteriorated to name calling and acusing everyone who disagrees with you of pretty much being out to get men. This is not true in most cases. My husband has primary of his two. I think fathers should have the right of knowing thier children on more than a visitation level. I really do not like my ex, but I do not interfere with the relationship between ex and son. It is not in Son's best intrests. This is the line of thinking you need to take if you want to be taken seriously infront of a judge. I suggest you go to see a therapist to get your anger in check before you make any changes toward divorce. The process is long and hard.... if you blow up at annoyamous posters how are you going to react when some GAL or custody evaluator says something you don't agree with? If you loose control in that situation you can blow any chance at primary custody.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3499
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I suggest you work on your bitterness. You and your child are the only ones who are going to be hurt by it.
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